Many years ago, (late 1980's), I met a woman at The Beverley Tavern on Queen St., just across from CITY TV. I like to play Pool, and it was standard procedure that all games were mixed doubles, and the challenging team paid the dollar to have the balls come out of the table, and the winners of the previous game played for free, similar to school yard basketball.
There were fewer women than men who played, so single game, or occaisional partnerships were very common.
I asked this one lady to be my partner for a game, and we won a few times in a row. I'm not especially successful at the game, because I tend to use momentum principles, rather than geometry, so my shots are often too hard, and I attempt a lot of low percentage shots, but when I'm on my game, I make a lot of spectacular shots, and someone seeing me play for the first time might get the impression that I'm a much better player than I am. This was one of those nights, when almost all of my shots were going in.
We talked quite a bit, and drank alot together, and yada, yada, yada, she invited me back to her place to stay the night.
I have REALLY bad eyesight, (astigmatism), so bad that things start to get blurry when they are more than four inches away from my face, but it doesn't get worse when things are a fair distance away, (ie: I can "see" air conditioners on the walls of the apartment building across the street from me, about 100 meters away, as blurs, but I can tell they are air conditioners from the colour difference, and the fact that they are below windows, which are also blurry, but I can figure out that they are air conditioners through logic and common sense. What else would be silver/grey underneath a window?). At the same time, I can't read block capital letters,two inches high, five feet away.
Anyway, in the morning, I got up first, and really needed to pee. I stumbled into the bathroom, lifted the seat, and stood, waiting. After a few moments, I could feel my bladder answering the
reveille, (pronounced 'revalee', for those who have forgotten their high school French), and I'm thinking, OK, here it comes.
Nothing comes out, and I'm a little confused, being hungover, but not concerned. I give a little push, and the flow starts, but still nothing comes out. Instead, I feel a warmth, and a swelling feeling, and now I'm starting to be concerned. I'm thinking to myself What's going on? Did she have some sort of strange STD that takes effect overnight? The head of my dick is expanding, but it doesn't hurt. That's a bad sign, man. Something like that should hurt, What's going on? It's not fair. I took precautions. This shouldn't be happening. I'M SORRY, JESUS! HEAL ME!
Then I realized that I was still wearing a condom from the night before, and the pee was expanding it, like a water balloon.
