VancouverAngel said:
In all honesty - it rarely works out. But then I suppose most relationships don't.
Actual statistics are scarce, and there are many variables the largest of which is probably country. From personal observation I'd guestimate that about half the marriages make it.
VancouverAngel said:
The lady is generally desperate to get out of her country, and sees marriage to a foreigner as the only viable option. She generally will either say or do whatever necssarry to legally get in.
Of what country are we speaking Somalia?
I principally know about Eastern Europe and women are open to foreign partners for a number of reasons, such as a woman with a small child being "used goods" and "almost unmarriageable" rather than economic hardship which is in fact not really that great a problem by the standards of the country for most of those looking.
VancouverAngel said:
She definatley 'settles' in terms of what she is looking for as a partner
I will to some extent agree with you on this point.
Most marriages unless one is wealthy as Cresus, or politically powerful
and quite physically attractive as well, involve compromise and "settling," one's spouse is seldom what one would have ordered from the "Stepford Company." You can't have everything, those whose marriages are successful tend to have chosen what was truely important to them in a spouse.
VancouverAngel said:
Of course it can work - but like any relationship, it requires honesty and openess to be successful.
On this point I wholeheartedly agree. I would also add that it helps to have an interest in her culture and it's history, cuisine, culture etc. . . if you could give a fig about Bulgaria - why on earth would you want to marry some from that Country? If you are going to demean her faith tradition - or insist that your's is superior do you expect the marriage to last? If refuse to eat Borsch and despise stuffed cabbage leaves, and always complain that it isn't what you are used to - do you expect the marriage to last?
Finally be aware that there is a great deal of hope and longing out there and it becomes easy to ignore "danger signals" and also to do a lot of projection e.g. "they don't really mean X," "oh they will change when they see how much I love them" . It's easy to say oh that would never happen to me. But believe me I've seen many very intelligent people from several different countries do it, and I did it myself.
Also one needs to be realistic. If you are forty-five, is it wise to try to marry a twenty-three year old? If you look like most of us, is a super model really going to be happy with you? I'm not saying that relationships like these absolutely won't work, what I am saying is that cross-cultural marriages have additional hurdles that marriages with someone from the same background as yourself don't have, and the greater the number of differences you stack up the less likely the marriage will be happy and lifelong.
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