Looking for advice on how to stop seeing esorts

[skoose]

Hi

I realize asking for advice on how to stop visiting escorts on TERB is the ultimate irony, but here goes.

I have been visiting escorts once or twice a month on average for the past 13 years. It's cost me
tens of thousands of dollars in that time. My health appears to be totally fine, but there's always
the possibility of contracting something, as we all know.

I have been trying to stop the hobby almost since day 1. I will tell myself 'this is the last time I'm
going to do this' but it never is. The reason, if I'm being honest, is that I love everything about it.
I love searching for beautiful women on TERB, reading the reviews, the anticipation of seeing the
lady and the session itself. The reality that sex with a beautiful woman is a mere few texts away
is incredibly hard to resist.

So, how do I stop this? Are there sex therapists in Toronto that people would recommend?
Should I try replacing the behaviour with some other productive hobby? Any advice would be
greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

 

[Insidious Von]

How old are you?

You're going about this the wrong way, if you've been trying to quit since day 1 - you're a lifer. Relax, as long as you can afford it, meet up with sp's. At the same time start having normal every day interactions with women. Develop your game, it appears to me you have the time to do it. Good luck.

Heed the words of the great Leo McKern from The Beatles film Help!:

Gooo to the supermarket.
Gooo to the supermarket.

 

[nomos]

H Skoose, I am on the same boat as you are. I say to myself, "that's it. I am done" after a shitty experience only to convince myself soon after that if I will quit, I will do so after such a great date that nothing could top it in the future.

In the process of trying to quit I have found that there are little things that one can do to gradually ease yourself off the hobby. One, stop visiting TERB. Two, stop visiting Leolist or any such sites. Third, keep yourself busy with work, friends, or other hobbies.

To use Seinfeld's analogy of breaking up being similar to knocking over a vending machine - you got to rock it back and forth a few times before you knock it over. I find that quitting is a similar process that consists of stretching the time span in between each occasion that you fall to the temptation.

 

[wigglee]

Maybe your just feeling guilty because you've been using Terb for 13 years and have only posted 23 times. Try writing a review.

 

[TFZL1]

Try looking up sax and love addicts anonymous. Meetings all over. And yes there are therapists specializing in sex addiction.

 

[jcpro]

You could always find yourself another addiction. Plenty of choices out there.

 

[Mr Deeds]

Its an addiction of sorts and maybe you should seek help.

 

[Butler1000]

How about man up and take control of your life.

Seriously just quit cold turkey. Quit Terb, delete all numbers, texts, emails etc.

If you can't handle it it's time to get out.

 

[The "Bone" Ranger]

Why quit? It is obviously filling some kind of void in your life (as is my case) - as long as you can afford why not continue, just my thoughts.

 

[hamermill]

Watch porn and choke your chicken.

Seriously as long as you aren’t hurting anyone solider on as there are bigger things to worry about.

 

[wazup]

Go see Annabelle at mwaiting, like fucking your sister. Don't compare this hobby to another one as sex is pure pleasure and can't really be replaced. As for me I am kind of getting bored with it. You're kind of screwed unless you are really out of control and it's affecting your finances.

I go about once a month now for half hr sessions. I've hobbied for approximately the same amount of time.

 

[autumn96]

It's worth exploring why you're so desperate to quit. Were you raised religious, or in some other way that would justify you feeling intense levels of guilt surrounding this hobby? Do you normally see yourself as a financially responsible person, which puts this hobby at odds with your view of yourself?

Assuming you're not placing yourself in financial peril or at risk of destroying a real world relationship because of this hobby, these are questions you need to ask yourself to get down to the bottom of your desire to quit. Any therapist worth their salt will be able to help you, not just a sex therapist.

Word to the wise, though, stick to a male therapist or at least one you have no chances of being attracted to. Trying to give up a sexual addiction (although many therapists will term it an 'impulse control issue' rather than a sex addiction) while talking with an attractive female therapist is a recipe for disaster.

 

[bazokajoe]

Maybe just stop.

 

[itd131]

If you are single, focus on finding a "real" relationship. Some guys come to this hobby because they aren't getting any so once they find it with a "civvie" they are able to quit.

If you are in a long term relationship then you are likely doing this to fulfill a need that isn't being met so honestly, you won't be able to quit. You might be able to cut back, but not stop completely. Can you live with that? If not, maybe it's time for a change in your personal life.

Some guys replace SPs with MPs or dancers, if that make a difference to you.

Another option is to go the other way. See a new lady, or six, every day. At some point you might actually find you've reached your limit and lose interest.

I'm definitely no expert, but to me seeing a therapist is a waste of time and money. Nothing is wrong with you. You are doing something you enjoy. You say you want to quit but it sounds to me like you don't. Based on your post it sounds like you love what you are doing. You need to figure out why you want to quit and focus on that.

 

[onthebottom]

Don’t call them....

 

[|2 /-\ | /|/]

There is a lot of conflict here between what you want to do, what you enjoy doing and what you think is the right thing to do.

I think 1st you need to figure out what it is that makes you happy. Is it this game between yourself of letting your urges and instincts drive to to see the escort but your reason telling you this is not good you need to stop, it is illegal, it is dangerous, you can get a disease etc etc...Do you like this internal dance because you have been repeating this for the past 13 years.. I think first figure it out when you are at your clearest state of mind if seeing escorts is really bad at your fundamental core. It needs to come from you and not us this answer. Some people view SPs just like another service such as getting your hair done or just getting a regular massage. They understand their body and needs and don’t see escorts as a bad thing and see it as a healthy hobby that helps them achieve balance provided they control it and manage it such as wearing protection with SPs at all times or creating the Code to protect your mental well being. Some people see escorts as a bad thing because of how they grew up and external influences.

I think just figure out if seeing escorts is hurting your real life and if this is something that you enjoy doing. Is it helping your real life such as by keeping you balanced? You might not see this answer right away but if you work at it eventually it will come from within. Once you have the answer then your path will become clearer. I personally don’t believe in therapists and believe that they can do more damage then good and will drain your funds very quickly.

Its all a matter of perspective at the end of the day. Don’t allow anyone to influence your perspective because eventually you will wake up and realize you are not living your own life.

Hi

I realize asking for advice on how to stop visiting escorts on TERB is the ultimate irony, but here goes.

I have been visiting escorts once or twice a month on average for the past 13 years. It's cost me
tens of thousands of dollars in that time. My health appears to be totally fine, but there's always
the possibility of contracting something, as we all know.

I have been trying to stop the hobby almost since day 1. I will tell myself 'this is the last time I'm
going to do this' but it never is. The reason, if I'm being honest, is that I love everything about it.
I love searching for beautiful women on TERB, reading the reviews, the anticipation of seeing the
lady and the session itself. The reality that sex with a beautiful woman is a mere few texts away
is incredibly hard to resist.

So, how do I stop this? Are there sex therapists in Toronto that people would recommend?
Should I try replacing the behaviour with some other productive hobby? Any advice would be
greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

 

[skoose]

I'm in my mid thirties. I can afford it, I guess, but the money would be
much better spent investing in RRSP's or getting a better place.

 

[skoose]

H Skoose, I am on the same boat as you are. I say to myself, "that's it. I am done" after a shitty experience only to convince myself soon after that if I will quit, I will do so after such a great date that nothing could top it in the future.

In the process of trying to quit I have found that there are little things that one can do to gradually ease yourself off the hobby. One, stop visiting TERB. Two, stop visiting Leolist or any such sites. Third, keep yourself busy with work, friends, or other hobbies.

To use Seinfeld's analogy of breaking up being similar to knocking over a vending machine - you got to rock it back and forth a few times before you knock it over. I find that quitting is a similar process that consists of stretching the time span in between each occasion that you fall to the temptation.

That's good advice, thank you.

 

[skoose]

It's worth exploring why you're so desperate to quit. Were you raised religious, or in some other way that would justify you feeling intense levels of guilt surrounding this hobby? Do you normally see yourself as a financially responsible person, which puts this hobby at odds with your view of yourself?

Assuming you're not placing yourself in financial peril or at risk of destroying a real world relationship because of this hobby, these are questions you need to ask yourself to get down to the bottom of your desire to quit. Any therapist worth their salt will be able to help you, not just a sex therapist.

Word to the wise, though, stick to a male feminist or at least one you have no chances of being attracted to. Trying to give up a sexual addiction (although many therapists will term it an 'impulse control issue' rather than a sex addiction) while talking with an attractive female therapist is a recipe for disaster.

I'm not religious. I'm fairly financially responsible otherwise, so I do feel really guilty when I see an SP, knowing that I need that money to go elsewhere.

Yeah, I've been trying to stop for years without a therapist. Some days the impulse is just too strong. Addiction may be too strong a word but I certainly have a compulsion or impulse-control problem.

Yeah, male therapist makes sense!

Thank you for your feedback.

 

[skoose]

If you are single, focus on finding a "real" relationship. Some guys come to this hobby because they aren't getting any so once they find it with a "civvie" they are able to quit.

If you are in a long term relationship then you are likely doing this to fulfill a need that isn't being met so honestly, you won't be able to quit. You might be able to cut back, but not stop completely. Can you live with that? If not, maybe it's time for a change in your personal life.

Some guys replace SPs with MPs or dancers, if that make a difference to you.

Another option is to go the other way. See a new lady, or six, every day. At some point you might actually find you've reached your limit and lose interest.

I'm definitely no expert, but to me seeing a therapist is a waste of time and money. Nothing is wrong with you. You are doing something you enjoy. You say you want to quit but it sounds to me like you don't. Based on your post it sounds like you love what you are doing. You need to figure out why you want to quit and focus on that.

That's the problem: I do love it. Sex with a variety of beautiful women available in this city every single day is tough to resist. I'd like to be satisfied with one single partner in a long term relationship, but I crave variety, as many guys do.

I want to quit because I hate carrying around this secret. I want to quit to start making financial progress.