Lending Money

[drlove]

I have a casual acquaintance who occasionally asks to borrow money from me - things like fixing his car, extra money to get him through the week etc.. Nothing major, just $200 here, $50 there sort of thing. He's paid me back in the past and seems like a decent guy, so I don't really have too much of a problem doing it. He's going through a divorce right now, so I feel a bit sorry for him.

However, sometimes it takes him a bit longer to pay back what he owes me than what he originally says. I.e. I've had to wait an extra two weeks to get repaid and so on. Also, I don't want it to become a habit either by having him think I'm "The Bank Of Dr. Love" so to speak. As well, there is an old saying that if you lend someone money, you'll end up losing the money and the friendship too, or something to that effect. For that reason, I'm thinking of putting a stop to it. On the other hand, if he really needs it, I feel a bit compelled to help him out if I can. What would you do in this type of situation??

 

[stinkynuts]

I would keep lending him money. The guy has shown that he is reliable by repaying his loans. We all need to borrow money sometimes, and the amounts he is asking for doesn't seem too much. If he doesn't repay a loan, that's a different story.

 

[C Dick]

I think that when you are making a loan like that, you have to consider whether you would have to have it back. If he is a good enough guy that you want to help him out even if you wouldn't get the money back, then keep lending, and if you get it back its a bonus. If not getting it back would mean the end of the friendship, you might be better not to lend it to him in the first place.

 

[drlove]

I think that when you are making a loan like that, you have to consider whether you would have to have it back. If he is a good enough guy that you want to help him out even if you wouldn't get the money back, then keep lending, and if you get it back its a bonus. If not getting it back would mean the end of the friendship, you might be better not to lend it to him in the first place.

Well, I wouldn't really call it a friendship - I'm just helping someone out now and again. However, I'm not prepared to lend money every time he asks.

 

[LancsLad]

I agree with the above posters , its all a matter of perspective. It is a tough one when friends ask to borrow money. You have to think that if they value your friendship it can't be an easy thing to do, ask for money. If you can handle within reason the flexible repayment timing and if by chance you don't get paid you can handle the loss then i don't see harm in the occasional loan. If it becomes a regular habit then put on the breaks.

 

[The Bandit]

I've lent so much over the years, and been screwed for most of it...that I don't even want to talk about it. My conscience would be guilty for $5, yet others couldn't care even if it's thou$ands.
I believe most of you are refering to smaller amounts than I am, in those cases yeah I wouldn't care about getting it back..

 

[rama putri]

I trust most of my friends and honestly couldn't care less about the money more than making sure that I am helping them through hard times. That's what friendship is about. I have no qualms at all about lending any of my closest friends money and wouldn't even think about the 'payback' terms.

 

[Terbevore]

Money and friends.......

It has been my experience that every time I have lent money to a friend, they come back for more. I'm not mean-spirited, but I don't want to be anyone's personal banker. It's usually a lose / lose situation. If you say "no", you will probably lose a friend. If you say "yes" and they don't pay it back and you have to ask for it, you will probably lose a friend. I have lost a few friends over the years this way and it's just a fact of life. Then again, if they fail to pay the money back, were they really friends? That is probably why that old saying is still around: "Don't lend money to friends".

 

[Yuri]

Money & Friends

I lent $2,000 to a friend, when he said that he needed the cash for 1st & last month rent. To re-inforce the issue when he ask, he brought over his 2 Yr Old kid with him when he came to my place, and during the 30 minute conversation, leading to the Money Question, inserted phrases like he was short of cash to pay for baby needs (ie. food, cloths). Using the "guilt/pity angle"....5 Yrs later I have not seen one single cent returned back. In the meantime he has bought a house, car, satelite system, computer. I finally got fed up with his excuses saying that he had no money to repay me when, even though he purchased the afore mentioned items...his answer "you should have never lent me the money in the first place".....LESSON LEARNED...

 

[drlove]

As I said, he's not really a "friend" per se... merely a casual acquaintance who I'm helping out because I feel like being nice. If it takes him too long to repay, or if I don't get the money back, I simply won't lend him any more.

 

[booboobear]

I lent $2,000 to a friend, when he said that he needed the cash for 1st & last month rent. 5 Yrs later I have not seen one single cent returned back. In the meantime he has bought a house, car, satelite system, computer. I finally got fed up with his excuses saying that he had no money to repay me when, even though he purchased the afore mentioned items...his answer "you should have never lent me the money in the first place".....LESSON LEARNED...

I am sorry you lost the money but there is another lesson to be learned. if you were going to lend that kind of money you should have got him to sign some papers and/or gotten collateral , you in a way are as much to blame as he is.

 

[tboy]

I lent $2,000 to a friend, when he said that he needed the cash for 1st & last month rent. To re-inforce the issue when he ask, he brought over his 2 Yr Old kid with him when he came to my place, and during the 30 minute conversation, leading to the Money Question, inserted phrases like he was short of cash to pay for baby needs (ie. food, cloths). Using the "guilt/pity angle"....5 Yrs later I have not seen one single cent returned back. In the meantime he has bought a house, car, satelite system, computer. I finally got fed up with his excuses saying that he had no money to repay me when, even though he purchased the afore mentioned items...his answer "you should have never lent me the money in the first place".....LESSON LEARNED...

Well, you've got more patience to me....If I had that happen to me buddy's car would come under fire with sugar in the gas tank, 4 flats, and that satellite on his house? well, let's say that it can't pick up any signals from the dump.....BTW the ONLY reason I would do this is because of the aforementioned comment about "not lending him money in the first place"

As for lending money in general. I've stopped due to (as the bandit stated) it just never comes back around.

However, with that being said, if one of my closest friends asked for money, I wouldn't lend it, I'd give it gladly.

As for you Dr. Love, if he isn't a personal friend, next time he needs to borrow money say "Ok, but I have to tell you, I'm going to have to charge you interest. I realize you're under the gun but I've got my own bills to pay and if you're late paying me, I have to pay interest on MY debts. So, from now on, if you want 200, you owe me 220 on payday. If you're late, it will be 10 dollars a week until you pay me back the principal AND interest". I'd also think about collateral. Something like a watch, or similar item that is very portable.....

I did this for some people where I used to work, at one point I felt like I was a loan shark and was getting (just in interest) about 200 extra every pay day......

 

[TheNiteHwk]

Be careful not to fall into same trap I did.

Lending someone money from time to time (be they friend or whatever) can sometimes turn into a purpetual loan. In other words they always have your money cause even when they pay you back... they soon again there after need another loan. So it goes like this: I loaned my buddy $50. said he needed it to get by till his next cheque. No problem as I did trust this guy. The problem is that three days after he got his cheque and paid me back he need to borrow again. So I loan him $50. again. Same thing happens again. He pays me back on payday but then 2 or 3 days later he needs another loan again. So in effect he pretty much has my $50. all the time. I only have it for three days and he needs it back again. This had been going on for months. It's now a set pattern that is very hard to break. It's a hard call though. Sometimes I feel like this is just a pain in the butt... every two weeks this guy needs money and then I only have it for three days and he needs it back again. At the same time it's very hard to say no to someone whom I know is in genuine need. It's a hard call indeed.

 

[tightfit]

I have learned a valuable lesson over the years from lending just about anyone who asked money for one thing or another and that lesson is...
DON'T LEND MONEY UNLESS YOU INTEND IT ON BEING A GIFT.
If you can afford to just give your money away then great! but if you intend on seeing it back then don't do it.
The problem is that you eventually have to ask for the money back, which then puts you in a position of seeming desparate and anxious. Best advice is to tell the lendee that they will have to go to the bank as that is where your money is.

 

[Frosty]

if you were going to lend that kind of money you should have got him to sign some papers and/or gotten collateral , you in a way are as much to blame as he is.

Don't agree. He lent the money to a friend who took advantage of him. He didn't think the friend would screw him.

I've lent small amount of money before and most of the time, the persons didn't pay back. One time, a friend asked me for $1000 bucks. I told him, no. He wanted a reason why not. I've told him I don't lend money to friends no more. Well, a week later, we stop being friends. Could you guys imagine that I would have been down $1000? Thank God. Even if a friend ask me for $5, he ain't getting it.

 

[Yuri]

Don't agree. He lent the money to a friend who took advantage of him. He didn't think the friend would screw him.

.

That's it exactly, I never dreamed that my friend would screw me. We worked together, for years, I was Best-Man at his wedding, was GodFather to his kid, which is why I knew of all the purchase updates, his wife would keep me up-to-date. Just goes to show you, that there are people out there, who would screw you for cash, and you would never expect that from them. So much for Trust.

 

[drlove]

neither a borrorer or lender be

What's a borrorer??

 

[Brookstone]

In this situation, no matter who you are lending money to. Always have some contract or something signed stating the person will pay back the money. If the person does intend on paying back then they wont have any problems signing it. If the person doesnt want to sign it, then obviously there is a reason. Friend or no friend.

 

[Lapper]

What's a borrorer??

it's babara walters trying to say borrower.

 

[rama putri]

I should have clarified a point though. My friends are of a higher calibre than most 'friends' mentioned here. They have never asked me for money. Nor would they have resorted to manipulative tricks like bringing their kids during the begging. I have noticed that most people just have a lower standard when it comes to making friends.