Lending money to family

[Radio_Shack]

Have you ever lent money to family?

1. For what reason.
2. How much
3. Did you ever get it back as promised?
4. Did it cause any family issues and now you regret it?

All I know is I have a rule now.

NEVER EVER LEND ANY MONEY TO FAMILY. BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN EVER MAKE.

 

[JEFF247]

No I haven't. Just never been asked. My father did. And I think the universal rule for lending to family or friends is only lend it if you don't need it or care if it is paid back. The few times I have lent a couple hundred bucks I said I plan not to get it back, but if I do great.

 

[Sexy Nina Leone]

hmm
I think I would much rather GIVE my family money than lend it.

Friends however?

Well that is a big difference, and I will unequivocally state that lending friends money will usually ruin the friendship. I take money seriously and to me, lending it means this person is IN DEBT to me. Maybe my Italian roots have something to do with my mindset, but if that loan isn't paid back in full by the time it's due, I feel absolutely and totally abused and disrespected.

It's happened yet again to me, and I hate it!

I love my friends. I know very likely someone will come to me again to ask for money. What will I say? Maybe I will say no outright. Maybe I will tell them: I don't know if you are willing to ruin our friendship, because if you are late with paying back, if you don't pay back in the whole lump sum (not 50 here and 100 there), if you need extensions for reasons that don't seem serious, if I see that you are out having fun spending money that should be coming to me when you're late with paying, you will no longer be my friend.

Am I horrible for being this way?

xoxo
Nina

 

[drstrangelove]

hmm
I think I would much rather GIVE my family money than lend it.

Friends however?

Well that is a big difference, and I will unequivocally state that lending friends money will usually ruin the friendship. I take money seriously and to me, lending it means this person is IN DEBT to me. Maybe my Italian roots have something to do with my mindset, but if that loan isn't paid back in full by the time it's due, I feel absolutely and totally abused and disrespected.

It's happened yet again to me, and I hate it!

I love my friends. I know very likely someone will come to me again to ask for money. What will I say? Maybe I will say no outright. Maybe I will tell them: I don't know if you are willing to ruin our friendship, because if you are late with paying back, if you don't pay back in the whole lump sum (not 50 here and 100 there), if you need extensions for reasons that don't seem serious, if I see that you are out having fun spending money that should be coming to me when you're late with paying, you will no longer be my friend.

Am I horrible for being this way?

xoxo
Nina

Exact same things can happen with family members. Been there, done that. All funds were eventually repaid but I'll never again lend money to family members.

 

[skypilot]

lending money to family = lending money to a stripper

If you can't just give it to them don't do it.

 

[momoo_t]

few times to family or friends range from $500 to $5000 some paid back and some not full amount, but it's not a big deal for me as long as they try to pay it back.

 

[lawyerman]

I would certainly give money to family.

I think that many people don't know that the more you give (unconditionally), the more you receive.

 

[momoo_t]

it's a gift when it's given but when they borrow I like to know how their plan to pay it back, at least they have a plan.

 

[stang]

1/. Yes, mostly because they are irresponsible and can't run their own lives properly.
2/. Thousands
3/. A small percentage
4/. Many issues and problems.

If it were to come up again, like someone else said, if I were to do it again I'd just make it a gift and then tell them to fuck off.

 

[momoo_t]

I would extend this rule to friends too.

This is very clear example of conflict of interest. I've learned (in a hard way):

1. Never do business with friends and family.
2. Never mix private life with business.
3. Never share private affairs with anybody else.

As an example, take this hobby. Let's say that you befriend with an MPA. How much would you pay for the session? She would expect a fat tip, because you are friends. On the other hand, you would expect a freebie, because you are friends. I feel very uncomfortable with this situation. Furthermore, I don't think that my hobby would look good on my curriculum and most of my friends and family simply wouldn't understand it either.

Family always a family, friends is always a friends and business is a business.
I do busniess with all of them and when they need my help I will help them and when I need help they always ready.
I think that's life supposed to be.

 

[Dark Chimera]

I have lent money but I always write up a contract.

 

[Barca]

When I lend money to family part of me assume I may not see it again.

 

[goalie000]

Never lent any to family, but borrowed from them when I was a lot Younger and ALWAYS!!!! Paid them Back.

 

[Aardvark154]

So much depends upon the circumstances (e.g. is it to keep body and soul together because they lost their job, or to finish their final year of academic study, or rather I have this great business investment idea). However, it is always wise to consider it a gift and then have the pleasant surprise of being paid back.

 

[AJstar]

lending money to family = lending money to a stripper

If you can't just give it to them don't do it.

I lent a considerable sum to an uncle in need many years ago. Over the years a small portion,like 15% of the total was paid back,but not without reminders. All in all a very bad experience. Never again.

 

[Peter123]

last year to my bro...

1. he was unemployed
2. 3 grand
3. got it back-but not as promised....later and after "issues"
4. I'd have to say yes

basically once he got a job and I raised the issue of "payback" he seemed rather hurt that I wanted it back

AND when I found out the money partly paid for his and his new gf's divorces (here I was thinking food on table/rent)...I was pretty pissed (although never said anything)

but he did give me some post dated cheques...once we got those done with--I think it is OK...perhaps some lingering feeling on both sides we (being guys) don't talk about

but for sure wouldn't do it again...or at least if I did--would be less money at once and with clearer "terms"

 

[hairyfucker]

Have you ever lent money to family?

Yes

1. they asked
2. $275,000
3. yes, the first time. still working on the secomd
4. no, but wish they did not ask