I wouldn't but then I am a civilized adult not an animal.
Good thing though, if I had to defend myself from him he would be in a world of trouble.
I had a very interesting career in the military and CIA. It all started when I was 16 years old. Due to my martial arts prowess, I was recruited by the U.S. Navy and flew M1 Abrams tanks off carriers for them. I served in the same squadron with Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, and Flash Gordon (he was best man at my wedding to Miss Saigon). I even went to Top Gun School with Tom and Val and won the Trophy. My Tank racked up more kills than all the other tanks in my Squadron, combined. Later on, my Squadron CO accused me of being TOO aggressive. So I had to knock him out with a spinning Flying Squirrel kick to the balls. Needless to say, I spent some time in the brig where the guards made us prisoners fight in Kumite style Death Matches which they took bets on. The guards would host the matches and secretly bring in VIPs from high levels of govt and industry. Some of the people who watched me fight were the President of the United States, the VP, Secretary of Defense, Senators, Congressmen, Pat Sajack from Wheel of Fortune, and the manager of the Waffle House. After executing several hundred prisoners, it was determined that I was too deadly to be kept in the brig so I was transferred over to the U.S. Coast Guard where I flew B-2 Stealth Bombers because they were short pilots and bombardiers. I never needed a bombardier on my crew because I can use my Chi to guide bombs to the target with pinpoint accuracy. After single handedly destroying an entire Afghan city full of Taliban Buddhists, I was recruited by the CIA. I can't talk much about what I did for the CIA, but let's just say I have more confirmed kills than ALL OTHER CIA Agents, Army SEALs, Navy Delta Forces, Air Force Recon, and Marine Corps Para Rescue... COMBINED. Due to my amazing prowess in the field, the Director of the CIA personally selected me to become the youngest ever, and one of only 12 Pokemon trainers in the entire CIA. You gotta a catch 'em all.... that's what I did. Due to the extremely high classification of the project and need for absolute secrecy, our Base of Operations was the Psych Ward at Bethesda Naval Hospital. It was there that I became familiar with prison type/suicide watch operations. Consequently, my final classified mission was coordinating with British MI6, the Royal Family, and Hillary Clinton to help out my and Hillary's good friend Jeffrey Epstein with his assisted suicide.... Since retiring, the CIA has been nice enough to provide housing for me at the Greenview Psychiatric Hospital. Because there have been multiple attempts on my life by Russian Spetznatz, Yakuza Ninja, and Sub-Saharan Oompa-Loompa commandos; they've also provided me with a substantial guard detail while I write my memoirs. My publisher is already in negotiations with Disney and it looks like we're well on our way to my life story becoming part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe....whatever the hell that is.... Bottom line is, there are a lot of people out there who pretend to be something they're not. Everything in my life story is 100% factual. I know because I lived it. People like Dux, Steven Segal, Van Damnit, Stallone, the Power Rangers (briefly served with them too), the Teletubbies, Derek Zoolander...these are all great Patriotic Americans but at the end of the day when you compare their on or off-screen achievements to mine.... I simply make them all look like sopping wet, velvet-lined pussies.... Not bragging... Just stating fact....
Oh and Chuck Norris, I never heard of her.
