I can't watch porn.

[JD75]

There are certain things that annoy me.

People who are obnoxious eaters. (open mouth, loud crunchers...yuck...)

Second, it's the "reverse-shh". I need to become a porn director. The first thing I'd do is remove the "reverse shh" from any and all scenes. Fuck faces are sometimes fun, but the reverse shh is the equivalent to obnoxious eaters for me.

You know it and might be someone who actually partakes in the reverse shh. You know the drill, fake passionate face, lips puckered, teeth clenched and sucking air through said teeth. I can handle it when it's coming from a hot girl, but anytime a guy starts doing the reverse shh, I just want to reach through my monitor and punch my fist through his stupid face. You're just a prop dude! Nobody wants to hear you moan or do the dreaded reverse shh.

 

[Radio_Shack]

One word "therapy".

 

[JD75]

Three words "sense of humour"

 

[Noir]

Haha! OMG! I had no idea what you were talking about till I thought about it and made the sound myself! I HATE that sound too - every girl makes it for some damned reason. I mean, it doesn't make the scene hot! It makes it noticeably contrived. I also hate seeing 3 some scenes, where one girl isn't doing anything, and she is still reverse-shhing and moaning as though she is being "drilled" ARGH!

If you become a porn director JD75, I'll be an on-set fluffer.

 

[JD75]

Haha! OMG! I had no idea what you were talking about till I thought about it and made the sound myself! I HATE that sound too - every girl makes it for some damned reason. I mean, it doesn't make the scene hot! It makes it noticeably contrived. I also hate seeing 3 some scenes, where one girl isn't doing anything, and she is still reverse-shhing and moaning as though she is being "drilled" ARGH!

If you become a porn director JD75, I'll be an on-set fluffer.

Finally!!! Someone who gets it! Yes, the "3rd wheel reverse shh" is probably where I started to notice this horrible trend.

 

[MojoRisin']

i still dont know what you are talking about as far as the reverse shhh goes but made me think one new trend in porn that ive noticed that i just dont get and hate is spitting on each other. especially in each others mouths. I just dont get that. Sure spit on my dick if you have to.

 

[The Crunge]

I don't mind sounding like an idiot. WTF is a reverse-shh?

 

[JD75]

Noir figured it out. It's a term I coined a few hours ago. lol!

See my original post, follow the instructions and do the move. Then watch some porn online and you'll see it in 98 out of 100 clips. It's lame.

I also don't get the spitting thing. "spit in my mouth!" uhm...no, how about if I blow my nose in your hair?

 

[reboot]

I have no clue about the "reverse shh" sound that is being mentioned here. Regardless, I have to vent a bit on the quality of porn these days. Most porn is difficult for me to watch for more than a few moments, for a number of reasons. Let me just list a few:

1) LIGHTING I don't know why porn filming has such difficulty with lighting, especially considering the bulk of the professional stuff comes out of the film the Hollywood area. My favorite case is an outdoor M-F scene in which she's laying on her back. The shadow of a tree branches are visible on her front and it looks like she has a really nasty skin disease.

For some reason, lights are a huge problem for porn crews although why is beyond me. I can't count the number of shots in which crew shadows show up. It isn't rocket science. Don't get in front of a light source. Hot spots and dark spots are also common problems. Why? There are very simple ways to direct light into a dark spot. Preventing flaring is just as easy.

2) CAMERA WORK. I know that if you give an amateur a camera, the first thing that happens is that they try to be creative. The problem is that what they end up doing isn't creative, it's annoying and difficult to watch. Why is it that supposedly professional porn producers pump out shots that look like a first time film student took them?

From what I've seen, a great deal of the shooting seems to be hand held. That is a tough art form for experienced camera operators. The only real trick is to try to hold the camera as steady as possible and move slowly and smoothly. This is even more crucial when using low-end digital cams (which some of these productions obviously use) because they don't take fast movement well.

Then there's the two camera stuff. Okay. At least have the sense to check your equipment so that the cameras are in sync so you aren't getting a radically different appearance from the two. I swear one scene I partially watched was filmed with cams having opposing filters. The combination looked jarring to say the least.

3) CONTINUITY. I suppose the reason a lot of stuff seems to be shot in one take and one camera is to avoid the problem. Small wonder. Probably my favorite example is a F-F scene on a couch in which the geniuses film one direction with a blanket on the couch and a sort-of reverse with the blanket on the floor. Edited, the two angles together looked positively stupid.

4) ACTING. I know that we're not talking Boggart and Bacall but is it too much to ask that the people in front of the camera at least look believeable in the sex scenes? I have to admit, I prefer lesbian porn scenes in general because at least you don't have to suffer through the painful sight of a guy supposedly into what he's doing while clearly not hard, which has to be the ultimate scene killer for me. The number of actors that look fake is just incredible. Does no one screen test these people?

5) EDITING. It seems like the editing of porn is done by somebody that's discovered Windows Movie Maker and noticed all those fancy transitions that are possible. How stupid is that? I suppose I should be grateful for the long shots because it keeps down the number of stupid edits and unreal transitions.

6) SOUND. A lot of the problem with sound seems to come from the lack of a boom recording sound consistently enough to actually make use of it. In general, the quality of sound is so bad that I am grateful for whatever idiotic sound track they lay over the scene to hide the roughness. Of course, the fact that the music seems utterly inconsistent with the scene makes you yearn for no music but then you'd be stuck with fake grunts, groans and the inevitable high pitched screaming that doesn't record well on low-end sound equipment.

It isn't like high quality porn can't be done. Caligula (1979) had insane production values for what it was and some of the scenes remain better than anything done in almost 30 years. Roomates (1981) was a good movie even by Hollywood standards and some of its scenes are probably hard to find in a copy even today. I know porn isn't some sort of lost art either. Short Bus and Red Road have hard core sex scenes worked into the stories and they are shot professionally. Is it too much to ask that porn makers at least are aware of how to do what they supposedly are aiming to do?

Okay. Thanks for giving me an excuse to vent about current porn. I'm not even going to get started on the emergence of reality porn which is plain dumb.

 

[Noir]

I'm not even going to get started on the emergence of reality porn which is plain dumb.

You mean, you don't like the interviews, or the "finding a random chick who always happens to be 19 and willing to get into a car for a blowjob" kind of porn? You sir, have no taste! Just kidding..

Oh! And the reverse Shh...It's similar to the sound that a person makes when the breathe air through their teeth....close to a hiss but airy..

 

[great bear]

Its the tremendous amount of money they spend on their "sets" that I enjoy. Plus, the story lines are thoughtful, articulate, well conceived and written.

 

[Noir]

Damn, still don't quite get it. I need a clip, please.

I can't find a clip -- Vista has deleted my audio drivers!! (don't get me started...) I know that Tera Patrick does it quite a bit, in solo scenes, as does Lee Stone...

JD? Can you find one?

 

[Terminator2000]

Its the tremendous amount of money they spend on their "sets" that I enjoy. Plus, the story lines are thoughtful, articulate, well conceived and written.

*Spills his coffee all over the desk and keyboard while laughing*

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

 

[Doug]

OK here are a couple without background tunes to distract:

http://www.tube8.com/blowjob/sasha-grey-deepthroat/27136/

http://www.tube8.com/blowjob/blonde-girls-blowjob/21981/

 

[superman]

dumbest thread everrrr

 

[Never Compromised]

I'll be an on-set fluffer.

I suddenly wish to audition for a part in the production.

 

[JD75]

OK here are a couple without background tunes to distract:

http://www.tube8.com/blowjob/sasha-grey-deepthroat/27136/

http://www.tube8.com/blowjob/blonde-girls-blowjob/21981/

I couldn't get through the first clip...gagging videos just disgust me. I'm also not a big fan of the thick throat spit, it almost looks like stomach bile. With that said, I didn't really notice the "reverse shh", but I will post a link when I see a good example of it. (not that there's anything "good" about it).

For those that don't see it yet, it can be described as a fake "fuck face". It looks retarded and it kills it for me.

 

[JD75]

dumbest thread everrrr

I bet I can find 5 dumber threads on the first page alone. Maybe you're the dumbest terbite everrrr!

 

[Twister]

Noir figured it out. It's a term I coined a few hours ago. lol!


I also don't get the spitting thing. "spit in my mouth!" uhm...no, how about if I blow my nose in your hair?

I hate the spitting, it Grosses me out, with the close up of a guy spitting on a pussy or ass yuk

 

[MojoRisin']

OK here are a couple without background tunes to distract:

http://www.tube8.com/blowjob/sasha-grey-deepthroat/27136/

http://www.tube8.com/blowjob/blonde-girls-blowjob/21981/

still dont get the reverse shh either but it does remind me of another thing i hate in newer porn is that gagging blow job noise the "gock gock gock" the girl makes with getting her mouth/throat fucked. maybe thats what you are referring to as reverse shhhh?