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Helpful reminders when pulled over by a cop.

P

Pargolfer

New member
May 1, 2002
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Somewhere on a golf course
Here are twelve things you do not want to say to a traffic cop when pulled over:

> 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
>
> 2. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
>
> 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
>
> 4. Hey, you must've been going about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
>
> 5. Are you Andy or Barney?
>
> 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
>
> 7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
>
> 8. I pay your salary!
>
> 9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
>
> 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
>
> 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
>
> 12. When the officer says "Gee son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
 
Always be extremely polite. Say "Yes sir" no matter what her badge name is...:)
 
Seriously now



Best thing to do is be polite and do not lie

as soon as you lie the cop gets defensive

I always say I was not aware I was committing an offense


Here is a great tip I thought of myself !

(OK so I am bragging :eek: )


Put your insurance in a holder that flashes the ID of some organization that the police support

IE Firemen, paramedic, etc

He will think you are a member ( remember you did not say you were) and let you off
 
Try and get on his good side: Offer him a drink, and make some small talk--see if he knows where the good street racing spots are, also say you think his gun is pretty cool and that you have one just like it in the glove compartment. If he refuses the drink then ask if maybe he would prefer to smoke a joint with you. Tell him you always smoke one to settle your nerves on the way to the incall--then see if he wants to come along.
 
Yoga Face said:
Put your insurance in a holder that flashes the ID of some organization that the police support

IE Firemen, paramedic, etc

He will think you are a member ( remember you did not say you were) and let you off
Click to expand...

And where would you get this holder? LOL. Good idea, but I think it'll be a little difficult finding a holder that has the logo on it unless you really work there or know someone who does.
 
PurpleMonkey said:
And where would you get this holder? LOL. Good idea, but I think it'll be a little difficult finding a holder that has the logo on it unless you really work there or know someone who does.
Click to expand...


There are retailers who cater to the needs of such organizations

I got mine at a firehall when they showed up to sell their wares to the firemen

As a last resort get a leather smith to make you one along with the logo

It does not have to be offical just make it stand out for when you open the holder the cop sees it

Although this is a weaker solution as the police know what ID these retailers sell as they see it all the time so they might suspect you of pretending but there is no crime in trying


I have flashed my holder 3 times and it works like a charm ! :D
 
So these two guys are sitting at a bar and one is describing his new job to the other fellow:

Guy 1: So I got this job as an asshole stretcher.

Guy 2: An asshole stretcher, what the hell do you do at a job like that?

Guy 1: Well we take a standard asshole, and I start to work all my fingers into it to open it up a bit. Then I can get both hands wrapped around it and pull until it's big enough to get my foot in. Then I push down with my foot while pulling up with my hands until the asshole is about 6 feet wide.

Guy 2: OK, so what do you do with a 6 foot asshole?

Guy 1: You park him at the side of the road with a radar gun.
 
I've actually got away with # 11 before and that was a NY state trooper in the middle of the night in the Catskills. Made him laugh. I almost didn't stop for him, thinking it was better to get to a town, even if he chased me all the way.

I could also add a # 13 - do not attempt to spray gravel at the officer by spinning your tires when he's standing behind your car, just because you're mad as hell at the bogus ticket he gave you.
 
A woman gets pulled over by a cop on her way to work. The cop asks the usual question "why are you in such a hurry".

The woman replies that she is late for work and he cuts her off and says "I suppose you have a really important job, like a doctor where it's a matter of life and death that you be there, huh?".

The lady says no actually I am an asshole stretcher. The cop says "an asshole stretcher? What is that?". She says "it's where you start with one finger and then work in a second until you get your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching it until it is about six feet".

The cop says "well what do you do with a six foot asshole?". The lady says "give him a gun and badge and have him pull people over that are late for work".

:D
 
Hey, Dick,

Did you read the thread before posting????

I mean, just two posts up about 4 hours ago?

Or is that why they call you Dick?

Sheeesh!!!

Perry
 
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Traffic Cop: You what!?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned.

Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license quizzically.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
 
I know a guy from Georgia who got pulled over in Florida. He pulled out 2 guns from his glove compartment and one from under his seat and put them on the dashboard. The cop sees the guns and pulls his gun. Buddy says WTF are you doing, I didn't know the Florida law on concealed weapons so I put them all on the dash so you could see them.

So just a reminder, when you get pulled over by a cop, just tell him you are carrying weapons, don't actually show them.
 
fuji said:
Try and get on his good side: Offer him a drink, and make some small talk--see if he knows where the good street racing spots are, also say you think his gun is pretty cool and that you have one just like it in the glove compartment. If he refuses the drink then ask if maybe he would prefer to smoke a joint with you. Tell him you always smoke one to settle your nerves on the way to the incall--then see if he wants to come along.
Click to expand...


Excellent!!!:D
 
fuji said:
Try and get on his good side: Offer him a drink, and make some small talk--see if he knows where the good street racing spots are, also say you think his gun is pretty cool and that you have one just like it in the glove compartment. If he refuses the drink then ask if maybe he would prefer to smoke a joint with you. Tell him you always smoke one to settle your nerves on the way to the incall--then see if he wants to come along.
Click to expand...
Better yet, tell him that what you are smoking is not a cigarette and offer him (or her!) a toke of the joint you are smoking!

Perry
 
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