help on a situation..!!

P

pimpin_civic

I don't drive a civic!!!
Nov 6, 2007
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My girlfriend has a friend named Amanda (random name).

Amanda is a bit of a screw up in life...she's fairly young..grew up with my girlfriend in their origin country.

Amanda got kicked out of her dad's house and is living at her on/off boyfriends place, but he's a no-good person (he's just a true player).

Occasionally my girlfriend will let Amanda stay over at her place.

Now Amanda has nowhere to go, and her mom is back in florida.
Amanda has no sense of any direction.
Her aunt gave her the opportunity to come live with her in Miami.

The problem with Amanda is that she's very lazy and keeps sticking to her on/off boyfriend (why she got kicked out in the first place).

She needs to get her passport stuff sorted out and needs a lawyer..the problem is there is no movement on her part.

My girlfriend has tried her best to talk to Amanda, but it has failed.

I suggested two things to my girlfriend:

1. let me speak with Amanda, I'm quite persuasive
2. My girlfriend should just do what's needed to get Amanda to miami, since nothing will register in Amanda's head.

My girlfriend told me about the situation. When i gave her the two options she barked at me and told me it's absolutely none of my business.


What should I do?
 
Sounds like your girlfriend wanted someone to vent to, not advice. Stick with that until/unless she asks you for more.
 
You tried to help and she is not listening to you or anyone. It seems she does not value anyone including herself. You did what you could so now it's time to mind your own business as others have recommended.
 
Hurricane Hank said:
Mind your own business. You offered to help, it was rejected. Done.
Click to expand...
yep that's my vote too
 
Mind your own business. Your gf did not ask for help. Now go book a one hour consultation with Kareena. She will straighten out your priorities.
 
Well, I kind of went through the same thing but the GF's friend, wasn't a total ditz, just when it came to men. Almost weekly she was over whining and crying about her latest guy who fucked her silly and then dumped her.

I didn't ask for permission, I finally just lost it and layed into her about it being her fault for going after the wrong guys etc.....

If Amanda in this scenario is affecting your relationship at all, then it IS your business. Do you live together? Whose name is the place in? Does she eat your food, interrupt your schedule etc when she stays over?
 
tboy said:
Well, I kind of went through the same thing but the GF's friend, wasn't a total ditz, just when it came to men. Almost weekly she was over whining and crying about her latest guy who fucked her silly and then dumped her.

I didn't ask for permission, I finally just lost it and layed into her about it being her fault for going after the wrong guys etc.....

If Amanda in this scenario is affecting your relationship at all, then it IS your business. Do you live together? Whose name is the place in? Does she eat your food, interrupt your schedule etc when she stays over?
Click to expand...

It seems I either totally agree with Tboy or I am totally opposite.
In this case I am in total agreement.

This third party is intruding on PC's territory.
I would like to see the answer to the questions "Do you live together? Whose name is the place in(Whose name appears on the lease/deed)?"
 
Mind your own business (with the caveat that tboy raised where her actions are affecting your "business" - relationship, living sort of thing)

My wife seems to find all these younger people that "have tried nothing to get anywhere and now they're all out of ideas" and when asked I will offer advice and suggestions but other than that keep my nose out of it.
 
Okay, if fair is fair. If she told you it's none of your business then she can't complain or talk about her gf to you at all. You offered to help her and she said no therefore, you have the right not to hear a word from her about her friend. You keep out of her business but she can't bring up her gf to you. Now you won't have to listen to her complaining about her friend. I think that is fair.
 
Brandon123 said:
Okay, if fair is fair. If she told you it's none of your business then she can't complain or talk about her gf to you at all. You offered to help her and she said no therefore, you have the right not to hear a word from her about her friend. You keep out of her business but she can't bring up her gf to you. Now you won't have to listen to her complaining about her friend. I think that is fair.
Click to expand...

Not true.... He is her partner... she has the right to vent to him (as does he to her) without expecting a "here's how I would fix that" response.

As I said, my wife finds these "interesting" individuals that have demonstrated no interest in saving themselves, so all I do when she rants about what they've done (or not done) now I just wait until it's my turn to go "that's a shame" and then carry on.
 
^^^^ yeah, it's a well known fact that most (many?) women just like to bitch and complain and not do anything to solve the problem.

I'm a pretty patient guy when it comes to stuff like this but when it starts interfereing with my relationship, that's when I put a stop to it.
 
tboy..i think you're most right on this...

the problem is its going to affect my gf in the long run...it's starting to affect our relationship but on a small scale for now..it could be much more in the future..

for the affecting my gf part...these girls have been through quite a lot over the many years...
my girlfriend doesn't seem to realize it..but if something were to happen to her friend (we're talking death, prostitution, drugs, w/e)...my girlfriend will fall into a deep cloud of guilt and will never come out..no matter how hard i'll have to try to pull her out...

its just a lending hand i'm trying to give to get it over and done with...but my girlfriend won't see it that way regardless of how simple i explain it to her..
 
See that's the intrinsic difference between most women and men: men deal with the root cause of the problem and deal with that, women deal with the result of the problem and resent us trying to deal with the root cause.

(genie is going to chime in anytime now lol).

You might want to try getting her to read a bit about how to actually help her GF. By just giving her a safe haven whenever she wants it she is only enabling her bad behaviour. Getting her to maybe read up on how to actually help her friend might be the way to go to.
 
Yeah. It's called "active listening". You just repeat back whatever they said but in your own words and as a question, and let them keep going for as long as they want to.

Chicka: "She has no fucking idea what to do. I can't believe she hasn't applied for a passport yet."

You: "Yeah. Sounds like she has no direction. Think she will ever get around to it?"

Chicka": "No! What a bitch, I can't believe it."

You: "Hard to imagine someone wouldn't care about their life like that. What's your friend say?"

etc.
 
lol...yea i know..i've done all that..

its just i'm at that point where i've heard enough...and i'm mad that my gf isn't taking any initiative to do anything...and she's going to let her friend waste away...

pathetic...
 
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