HELP - need input from veterans of the hobby

[mrexcite]

I'm not a huge hobbyist. I dip my toe in about once a year just as a stress reliever and there have been times I've went years without seeing a provider. But when I do, I've always enjoyed it and never thought twice about it.

I have a two-part issue I need some feedback on. I treated myself just before Christmas to a girl working at an agency. She was perfect (for me) in pretty much every way. I asked her if it would be possible to get her personal phone number. She agreed and we've seen each other about 10 or 12 times since. It would likely be more if I didn't have work/family commitments and she didn't have some personal issues (see below).

Here's the problem: in growing attached I've learned some very intimate details about her. How she was trafficked into the industry, the abuse she's suffered and the fall-out (mostly drug related). It breaks my heart knowing this stuff about her. You would NEVER know this stuff about her just seeing her once and judging by the reviews on this site of her (there are just a few but she was apparently widely reviewed and had quite a following a few years ago when she was known by a different name) it's pretty obvious that guys have seen her have no idea as well.

Basically, the first part of my issue is reconciling me seeing her and enjoying my time with her - the sex, the conversation, the company. Am I not effectively contributing to her issues and holding her back from getting her life back together?

Secondly, I'm attached, there is no denying it. I'm not so foolish to actually think that she is going to not see other clients but I find myself feeling uncomfortable that she does. It's crazy. Basically, I'm seeking advice from guys who have been down this road before.

Any advice is appreciated. You can either PM or simply respond.

Thanks.

 

[Spacealien2]

Secondly, I'm attached, there is no denying it. I'm not so foolish to actually think that she is going to not see other clients but I find myself feeling uncomfortable that she does. It's crazy. Basically, I'm seeking advice from guys who have been down this road before.

Move on. This isn't working for you.

 

[freestuff]

OP, what is it that you want? Do you want this SP to be your genuine girlfriend (or more)? Also, remember that she might be feel the same for you as you do for her. Think about what you want (without thinking with your dick or your heart) and then go for it. Good luck. Personally, I believe this is a fantasy world and once you try to push beyond those boundaries, you're asking for trouble.

 

[Chloë.]

My question is if on these 10-12 other occasions, if you've paid for her time.

If so, you really need to give yourself a reality check.

Feeling uncomfortable that she has other clients is a warning sign and an extreme stressor for SP's.

Furthermore while it is nice to genuinely care about an SP's personal life, you need to have boundaries. This whole saviour complex, where you believe that you potentially aren't allowing her to get on with her life isn't something you need to feel responsible for. She is an adult. Let her deal with her issues as such.

I also think it was an exceptionally rookie mistake to delve such information to a client.

She is there to provide a service and an experience. To load someone with this much baggage is unacceptable in my opinion.

Do not get this attached. It never ends well. Especially since you have family commitments to think about? This is such a messy situation. Abort asap.

 

[Luton]

My question is if on these 10-12 other occasions, if you've paid for her time.

If so, you really need to give yourself a reality check.

Feeling uncomfortable that she has other clients is a warning sign and an extreme stressor for SP's.

Do not get this attached. It never ends well. Especially since you have family commitments?

Very wise words.

 

[Luton]

I can appreciate a relationship with an Sp can be difficult. I have several regulars I have seen for at least two years. I view them as good friends and I believe they view me as a good friend. We have met off the clock and always enjoy our time together. I love this arrangement. I am not interested and I know they are not interested in a romantic involvement. I like them as people and I totally enjoy my relationship with them but we all know the score. The perfect platonic relationship with a little sex thrown in on the side.

 

[Spacealien2]

This reminds me of an MPA I was madly in lust with. We were seeing each other until she retired last year. Some of the sweetest memories are the moments with her. I'm glad that I had the chance to meet her

 

[Mr Bret]

A couple of questions pop into my mind immediately.
1) as asked by Chloe - did the last 10-12 sessions involve payment or were they off the clock dates?
2) Is the OP married or in a long term relationship? That wasn't clear to me from the initial post.


I think sometimes when the fit is right, it's beneficial for the providers to have a friend she can talk to about anything and everything. The kinds of things she may not feel comfortable talking to her friends about, things revolving around the business she's in.
If the OP proves to be a non-judgemental and compassionate listener, then they may both benefit from the relationship.

 

[Chloë.]

I can appreciate a relationship with an Sp can be difficult. I have several regulars I have seen for at least two years. I view them as good friends and I believe they view me as a good friend. We have met off the clock and always enjoy our time together. I love this arrangement. I am not interested and I know they are not interested in a romantic involvement. I like them as people and I totally enjoy my relationship with them but we all know the score. The perfect platonic relationship with a little sex thrown in on the side.

The best.

 

[Chloë.]

A couple of questions pop into my mind immediately.
1) as asked by Chloe - did the last 10-12 sessions involve payment or were they off the clock dates?
2) Is the OP married or in a long term relationship? That wasn't clear to me from the initial post.


I think sometimes when the fit is right, it's beneficial for the providers to have a friend she can talk to about anything and everything. The kinds of things she may not feel comfortable talking to her friends about, things revolving around the business she's in.
If the OP proves to be a non-judgemental and compassionate listener, then they may both benefit from the relationship.

Absolutely! I agree to a certain extent. Not to say that, this sort of thing doesn't happen. I have shared quite a bit with my dear and trusted clients and friends.

However, I still don't think it is right for a provider to delve this sort of information about her past to a client.

I mean if she's in a place of peace and offering insight or advice in retrospect, MAYBE.

But it is still not professional nor the person she should be talking to.

If it were, he would not be posting this on Terb for advice.

What happens if she read this? How does everyone think she would feel?

Even though her name isn't stated, I'd personally feel embarrassed or a bit upset that my information was shared (initially in confidence), to the masses.

 

[kherg007]

Always so good to read you Chloë - and so true and wise. I must personally like the sp as a person to get the full experience. So there is some unspoken assumptions - if the sp extends herself as a friend, then the op must honor the boundary. This way she'll feel comfortable doing that, the op will enjoy the relationship more, but the sp has confidence that she is 'working with a net' because the op understands the limits of the exact nature of their relationship.

 

[jcpro]

We're hard wired to form relationships. At the first sign one must step back. Unless, that is, it's something you want to pursue.

 

[TeasePlease]

Basically, the first part of my issue is reconciling me seeing her and enjoying my time with her - the sex, the conversation, the company. Am I not effectively contributing to her issues and holding her back from getting her life back together?

Secondly, I'm attached, there is no denying it. I'm not so foolish to actually think that she is going to not see other clients but I find myself feeling uncomfortable that she does. It's crazy. Basically, I'm seeking advice from guys who have been down this road before.

Any advice is appreciated. You can either PM or simply respond.

Thanks.

Men are also hardwired to help. For many reasons, we should help if we can.

But, the reality is that some girls know this and use it to their advantage. Some do so knowingly, and some do so unwittingly. I can say that I've learned from personal experience that we can't assume. Don't expect that if you do X, she will do Y. We are all formed by our own life experiences. From the little bit you've said, she's lived a life that you and I probably cannot begin to fathom.

I can say that your life will definitely be less dramatic and probably happier if you don't get involved. Getting into an industry relationship (client-provider) is pretty much guaranteed to be emotionally and financially draining. But, with most guys I've talked to in these situations, they figure they can handle it.

You're in control until you're not.

 

[franci]

Unless you are willing to take her away from this occupation and she is willing to give it up, I'd say walk away. Both have to be true to work. But in the back of your mind if you think that there may be a chance that she will continue working, you are doomed from the start.

 

[moustache mike]

If you paid for those 10 to 12 times....... walk away less than 1% of these friendships work out, some rare ones do, but 99% easily end poorly. I REALY miss a wonderful girl because of something like this. But ...... it was for the best... time will heal the wounds... keep it professional if you keep seeing her, you can loose way more than her....

 

[mrexcite]

Thanks to everyone for your input. Much appreciated.
I think it's obvious what the solution is for me (and her).
It was a perfect storm of circumstances that got things to this point.
As some parting advice, I would point out to everyone who reads this post to not put yourself in this position. Dumb move on my (and her) part.
Special thanks to Chloe, whose advice on here and by PM was especially helpful.
To those of you who have asked follow-up questions, sorry but other than to clarify that our follow-up get-togethers were mostly "off-the-clock", I don't want to give any more detail because I don't want to id the girl in question. To the members who are PM'ing me asking, please stop.
Any more helpful advice would be most welcome as well. Right now I'm trying to erase all these wonderful memories in order to untangle the mental attachment!

 

[D-Fens]

The only time I would EVER consider having a relationship with an sp and having her as my genuine girlfiend is if she retired from the business. too stressful otherwise. The others are right, you are getting too close and as long as she stays in the business I don't see how you could have an normal relationship with her. It won't end well, it never does.

 

[Chloë.]

Thanks to everyone for your input. Much appreciated.
I think it's obvious what the solution is for me (and her).
It was a perfect storm of circumstances that got things to this point.
As some parting advice, I would point out to everyone who reads this post to not put yourself in this position. Dumb move on my (and her) part.
Special thanks to Chloe, whose advice on here and by PM was especially helpful.
To those of you who have asked follow-up questions, sorry but other than to clarify that our follow-up get-togethers were mostly "off-the-clock", I don't want to give any more detail because I don't want to id the girl in question. To the members who are PM'ing me asking, please stop.
Any more helpful advice would be most welcome as well. Right now I'm trying to erase all these wonderful memories in order to untangle the mental attachment!

You are welcome! xoxo