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Help me understand the Double Standard.

S

spraggamuffin

Well-known member
Oct 6, 2006
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I am not a believer in marriage and see it as a financially motivated business transaction between two people.

Many hobbyist will agree marriage kills one's sex life.

Most hobbyist here are either married or have been married and lived the sexless marriage.

This hobby is an out for many men.

It's well developed and well structured and the market is there.

My question is why is it OK when a man seeks sex outside a marriage but when women do it's such a bad thing?

Is it because she benefits more from the financial part of the relationship?

Is it an extension the oppression and burdens women have traditionally succumbed to, but which men are immune from?

Isn't she trying to keep the marriage intact, look out for her kids best interests and still maintain some sanity/happiness?

Women don't have providers to go to like men and so seek out civilian men, both married and unmarried.

Certainly from a religious/biblical/spiritual sense it's blasphemy, but what do the level headed realists attached to the physical/material world have to say on this?
 
I don't think there's a double standard here, society frowns on both men and women having sex outside of their marriage.
But yes, in some regions of the world a woman can be killed for doing this.
 
It's a hangover from the old days. Men as a group were never faithful. It was perfectly acceptable so long as it was kept discreet and everyone could pretend that it was not happening. Every man who wanted to had mistresses and concubines, even bishops and popes. But women were supposed to be always faithful. In asian countries, a concubine was a real social situation, just like a wife.

It's only when women became equal that we started saying men should also not cheat. But we still expect them to implicitely.

I guess it's just a case of old social habits dying hard. Like prostitution still being seen as bad when almost everyone has no problem accepting casual sex, swinger's clubs, etc.
 
Siocnarf said:
It's a hangover from the old days. Men as a group were never faithful. It was perfectly acceptable so long as it was kept discreet and everyone could pretend that it was not happening. Every man who wanted to had mistresses and concubines, even bishops and popes. But women were supposed to be always faithful. In asian countries, a concubine was a real social situation, just like a wife.

It's only when women became equal that we started saying men should also not cheat. But we still expect them to implicitely.

I guess it's just a case of old social habits dying hard. Like prostitution still being seen as bad when almost everyone has no problem accepting casual sex, swinger's clubs, etc.
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I aree it is an old hangover from the days of The Scarlett A, a badge Hesther Prynne being the adulteress in a New England town was forced to wear as well as standing on the scaffolds. The book. "The Scarlett Letter," by Nathaniel Hawhtorne is an epic exploring guilt, shame and adultery in the 1600's.
 
Marla said:
I aree it is an old hangover from the days of "The Scarlett A," with Hesther Prynne being the adulteress in a New England town.
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Fortunately, many european countries were more lax and allowed women to fool around a bit. :happy:

It's fairly recent that people marry for love. In the old days, people knew that passion is not a basis for a sound marriage and that it's perfectly normal to be attracted to other people. Of course it was still an ideal to be faithful, and passion was often seen as destructive; an animal instinct to be controlled. It was seen as a sin, but people understood that the flesh is weak. But now that passion is seen as healthy we have this delusion that it must be a sign of love.
 
spraggamuffin said:
My question is why is it OK when a man seeks sex outside a marriage but when women do it's such a bad thing?
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Since when is it OK for men to do that? Just because you're on a board full of men who do that, doesn't mean they're not assholes! lol
 
I think its OK in the sense that men who have the means
to take on lovers outside a marriage are supposed to do so or
at least to be tempted in our society. I am under the impression
that Europeans generally deem it acceptable their nation's leader
have engaged in extra-marital affair. They might or might not
care if Angela Merkel has been hiding a boy-toy but would still
be taken by surprise.
 
rhuarc29 said:
Since when is it OK for men to do that? Just because you're on a board full of men who do that, doesn't mean they're not assholes! lol
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I agree with you, asshole ! That is if your married or have an so?
 
I think there is a double standard between the sexes when it comes to sex. For instance, when a woman has a ton of one night stands shes a hoe, and when a man does, he's a stud.
 
oil&gas said:
Oh dear, its a lot easier for a woman to be a hoe than for a
man to be a stud.
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^^^ this

And because men cheat for sex, women cheat for more than sex, hence the thriving business of escorts and MPs all over the world.

There really is no double standard.
 
pablice said:
No women are just better at hiding it. I think we cheat similar.
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When it comes to non-paid sex, I have no doubt that women cheat far more than men.
 
Statistically women cheat more than men and for various reasons. If I don't know about the cheating, its ok. I guess the problem starts when an implied or explicit effort is made by women to let the secret out. I am not married but have been in two long term relations. I guess you don't care if you don't know. Double standards as put by op are not really double standards. Its the definition of what a standard is, which differs at many many levels.
 
The appearance of a double-standard depends upon whom you speak to.

Most men will forgive other men (or themselves) from straying in a relationship but would be mortified to learn that their wife or GF had cheated on them. The reason this is true is that many men feel that an affair confirms their masculinity while an unfaithful wife suggests he couldn't meet her needs at home.

I'm sure that if you ask a woman, especially one in a relationship, she'd be much less likely to take the view outlined in the OP.
 
And it is cute if a 20 year old girl gets drunk, a 30 year old woman gets drunk it is passable but if a 40 year old woman gets drunk it is pathetic. If a 40 year old man gets drunk it is just written and laughed off unless he is utterly obnoxious. The double standard is pervasive in all walks of life.
 
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