A friend of mine had the same problem. He just couldn’t get off the ground with the girl next door. Blodwin, her name was. Blodwin was super-attractive, in a shy, refined sort of way.
I told him, “Next time you see her out in the backyard, just strike up a conversation with her.”
I should mention that this was in the old days, and the washroom facilities were located in an outhouse at the far end.
“What about?”
“Anything! It doesn’t matter. Go for it.”
The miserable sap couldn’t do it. He was completely tongue-tied.
“Mr Buttercup, I know I’m wet,” he wailed. “But Blodwin is so beautiful. I just can’t think of anything to say.”
“Well, the very next time you see her, you call out to her. Remember, Blodwin just thinks of herself as an ordinary person. Say the first thing that comes into your head. If she’s at all interested, she’ll respond right away.”
So, he waited for the young lady to appear. Finally, the outhouse door opened and she came skipping up the garden path, putting the lillies to shame with her grace and beauty. Taking his life in his hands, he worked himself up into a feverish mix of blind apprehension and steely-eyed courage.
“Been for a shit, have you, Blodwin?”