That night at dinner, Homer relates his antics to the rest of the
family.
Homer: So I said to him, "Look, buddy, your car was upside down when we
got here. And as for your Grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed
off like that!"
Lisa: Dad, don't you see you're abusing your power like all vigilantes?
I mean, if you're the police, who will police the police?
Homer: I dunno. Coast Guard?
-- You scratch my back..., "Homer the Vigilante"
Marge: Homer, wasn't the whole point to catch the Cat Burglar?
Lisa: And I still don't have my saxophone.
Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back. But
we've also expanded into other important areas. [reads a list]
Literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world
domination --
Lisa: World domination?
Homer: Oh ho, heh, that might be a typo.
[thinks] Mental note: the girl knows too much.
-- Precocious eight-year-olds, "Homer the Vigilante"
Homer is invited to be a guest on Smartline. Kent Brockman interviews
him.
Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty
vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy
sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent.
Forfty percent of all people know that.
Kent: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group
has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer: [amused] Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't
committing crimes.
Kent: [pause] Well, touche'.
-- Effective interview responses, "Homer the Vigilante"