GF - WTF Just Happened?

[xarir]

So today I'm out with the GF. Everything going well - playful laughing, flirtatious behaviour in public ... you know the drill.

Then next thing she's pissed at me. Like, completely mad. Then she's crying in the car as I'm taking her home.

There was perhaps one comment I made that I can think of that, while certainly not insensitive was perhaps not 100% supportive of her. And shortly thereafter she said something that I honestly didn't hear and had to ask her twice to repeat and then still didn't hear her. (She had her hood up which really muffled her already quiet voice, I had had my headband over my ears and the wind was blowing pretty strongly. So honestly I didn't hear her 3 times in a row.)

Anyway, I just don't get how an innocuous (to me) comment could lead to disaster. And it was sufficiently bad that I wonder if we're going to get together again. For the record, we were at an art gallery and we were wondering how something was made. I asked the lady there and she told me it was oil on canvas with some kind of coating on top. So ...

GF - I told you it was oil painting.
Xarir - You were right!
GF - I said that it was oil.
Xarir - Yup. You were right.

Maybe it was the tone of voice I (inadvertently) used, but I certainly didn't mean it to sound mocking or dismissive or anything like that. But it came out the way it came out and things went solidly downhill from there.

And yes, I know it's kinda dumb to be sprouting this on an escort review board, but I just need to vent somewhere and I figured I may as well do it here.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Aardvark154]

So today I'm out with the GF. Everything going well - playful laughing, flirtatious behaviour in public ... you know the drill.

Then next thing she's pissed at me. Like, completely mad. Then she's crying in the car as I'm taking her home.

There was perhaps one comment I made that I can think of that, while certainly not insensitive was perhaps not 100% supportive of her. And shortly thereafter she said something that I honestly didn't hear and had to ask her twice to repeat and then still didn't hear her. (She had her hood up which really muffled her already quiet voice, I had had my headband over my ears and the wind was blowing pretty strongly. So honestly I didn't hear her 3 times in a row.)

Anyway, I just don't get how an innocuous (to me) comment could lead to disaster. And it was sufficiently bad that I wonder if we're going to get together again. For the record, we were at an art gallery and we were wondering how something was made. I asked the lady there and she told me it was oil on canvas with some kind of coating on top. So ...

GF - I told you it was oil painting.
Xarir - You were right!
GF - I said that it was oil.
Xarir - Yup. You were right.

Maybe it was the tone of voice I (inadvertently) used, but I certainly didn't mean it to sound mocking or dismissive or anything like that. But it came out the way it came out and things went solidly downhill from there.

And yes, I know it's kinda dumb to be sprouting this on an escort review board, but I just need to vent somewhere and I figured I may as well do it here.

Thanks for reading.

As a divorced man I'm a fine one to be giving you advice. However, if you want to keep it going, I would suggest get her some flowers (normal, not roses) and say to her I didn't mean to sound sarcastic or hurtful and I apologize for giving you that impression.

 

[stinkynuts]

You are better off without someone like that. If they are that affected by such a comment, then they must have some deeper issues.

 

[papasmerf]

better you find out now, before you loose a ton of cash to her.

 

[petitelover]

Females hormones will do that to ya!

 

[lookingforitallthetime]

Flowers my ass.

Dump her quick, before she sucks the life out of you.

 

[MuffinMuncher]

Then next thing she's pissed at me. Like, completely mad. Then she's crying in the car as I'm taking her home.

Maybe it was the tone of voice I (inadvertently) used, but I certainly didn't mean it to sound mocking or dismissive or anything like that. But it came out the way it came out and things went solidly downhill from there.

It's a scientifically proven fact that GFs can go from zero to batshit-crazy in under 10 seconds. It's a short in their wiring, magnified by that-time-of-the-month, full moons, and a dozen other influences.

The worst thing you can do is to send flowers and apologize without first clearly knowing what you are apologizing for. Seriously, if you want to see a re-enactment of the Exorcist, send an "I'm sorry" card and then NOT be able to explain exactly what you're sorry about. There will be more crying, only this time it will be you!

If you want to save the relationship (or just to understand what set her off), call or text or go over to her place ASAP and talk it out. As uncomfortable as will be, its better to clear the air and move onto the make-up sex.

 

[shack]

Did you try giving her a playful slap on the ass?

 

[Roommates]

.......

And yes, I know it's kinda dumb to be sprouting this on an escort review board, but I just need to vent somewhere and I figured I may as well do it here.

Thanks for reading.

You're welcome!

Vent all you want on here, but for if you want to understand what happened, I would think you should go straight to the source (your GF).

Sara

 

[xarir]

LOL - I knew there was a reason I love TERB. You guys are great.

So, anywhere from apologize immediately to dump her ass ... that's a rather broad range of responses! Anyway, I did try to accept responsibility for something I apparently did (was trying to talk it through in the car on way home) but she was obviously distressed, sniffling and all that. I suspect she made it home then had an all-out bawling cry-my-eyes-out routine. I on the other hand came home and tried (not really successfully) to not fall into the life-sucks mode.

My instinct is to call and try to talk this one through, but in the car she parried my talking attempts with "I don't listen to just words." (Meaning she finds actions speak louder than words - a sentiment I generally agree with.) On the other hand, "I don't listen to just words" doesn't exactly set the stage for meaningful discussions. And the fact that I'm making an effort to try and talk to her doesn't seem to be having the desired impact.

So reluctantly I guess I'll just give her some space tonight and try again tomorrow evening to have "the talk".

Further words of wisdom and / or donations to my personal drinking fund will now be accepted.

 

[Vancouver Femme Fatale]

I'd give her some space overnight, then call and go out for coffee. Then say, "Listen, I know something I said, or the way I said it really upset you yesterday, but I'm not sure I actually understand what happened. Can we go over exactly what happened in the gallery? I know you don't like feeling upset, and feeling like I don't know what happened sucks for me, so can we have a do-over here?"

I'd say that if she sighs and goes over it step-by-step...what she said, what you said, how she felt about what you said, and you guys can work through it, laugh about it, and finally just enjoy the coffee and the day, you'll be fine. If she gets snitty and pouty, it means it's about something bigger and you need to choose whether the bigger issues that come up are something you want to really deal with, or, much more importantly, the bigger issues are those you want to deal with with her. There's a huge difference between those two concepts.

This is where the classic "I don't know what happened...one minute we were debating Thai or Italian for dinner, next thing I know, she's/he's got her shit in a taxi and I never heard from her/him again" break-up comes from. Small things that somehow come to represent huge problems...that they may or may not have chosen to let you know anything about...

Also be aware that these kind of illogical-seeming fights can occur when the other party has already decided it's over and is just waiting for an excuse to bail. This is why guys sometimes get completely sandbagged by seemingly out-of-the-blue breakups. Women have a tendency to Tarzan-vine out of what to them is an already done-deal dead relationship into something (or to someone) new. Unfortunately, they don't bother to tell the man what's been on their minds. It's not fair, but it happens a lot. I used to do it, but I don't anymore, because it just isn't right. Part of the reason I'm so glad to be in my thirties...I'm a lot smarter, and a lot more aware of my ability to do damage. I prefer to take responsibility for my issues, even if it's a lot more painful than the ol' cut 'n' run!

Godspeed, and good luck!

 

[tboy]

I know every woman is different and not all react the same way for the same reasons but I had a GF that was like this. Everything could be going fine then out of the blue she'd clam up, cry, or be pissed to the nines at me for some real or imagined slight, lack of attention, too much attention, said something right at the wrong time, said the wrong thing at the right time, over reacted, under reacted or just reacted period.

IMHO if she is like this, and this has happened before, RUN for your life, Get out while you still have your balls intact. IMHO women like this will suck the life out of you and you will spend all your time apologizing or trying to figure out wtf just happened.

Sorry, I know women are emotional creatures but hormones, pheromones, that time of the month excuses just don't cut it for me. If you actually did something wrong, then she should say "you did this, and it bothered me". If she can't? Hand her her walking papers NOW.

It isn't about doing things that may or may not hurt or bother each other, we all do that daily. It is about the ability to effectively communicate those feelings because we all don't come equipped with ESP and many women expect us guys to be mind readers. Sorry, but we're not. DEAL WITH IT.

My advice is: save the flower money and go visit your favourite sp. If she really wants to be with you, she'll come back. If she doesn't? Her loss.....because IMHO this is just a game women play to test us guys. Some just aren't happy unless we're on the defensive.

 

[skypilot]

Its that time of the month if she says so. Get use to it..

No question about it, she's OTR.

When its all over she will apoligize for her behavior and assume you will meekly lie down and let her walk all over you with just an apology.

Don't take it! Don't call her for a few days and when she calls you, tell her very calmly that you aren't going to put uo with a lifetime of this bullshit (use the word lifetime as it really gets the wheels turning in her head) and that you need time to think over the relationship. She will ask to come over to talk it out, so have her come over and tell her the only way things can get back to normal is if she is punished. Have her take her pants off and lay across your lap and you smack her bottom hard enough to make it sting, but stopping every now and then to rub and fondle the area.

Hopefully you will make her cry. (Women love to cry, they prefer crying to having orgasms.) Thats when you stop with the paddling. Then you have make up sex and its all better until she is OTR again next month and pulls the same stuff.

Except now you have an answer for the problem and something to look forward to. Soon you will find her eagerly awaiting her punishment after every bitchy session.

 

[danmand]

You're welcome!

Vent all you want on here, but for if you want to understand what happened, I would think you should go straight to the source (your GF).

Sara

Not that good advice, Sara. Most likely he will run into the no win situation: "That is why I am mad, you don't even know what you did. Don't you understand that it is hopeless if you jave to ask me what you did wrong." and " What are you apologizing for?"

 

[Aardvark154]

As a divorced man I'm a fine one to be giving you advice. However, if you want to keep it going, I would suggest get her some flowers (normal, not roses) and say to her I didn't mean to sound sarcastic or hurtful and I apologize for giving you that impression.

Well, that was obviously a popular idea, I guess I know why I'm divorced

I'd give her some space overnight, then call and go out for coffee. Then say, "Listen, I know something I said, or the way I said it really upset you yesterday, but I'm not sure I actually understand what happened. Can we go over exactly what happened in the gallery? I know you don't like feeling upset, and feeling like I don't know what happened sucks for me, so can we have a do-over here?"

More seriously I think that VFF is a great deal more on the money about this than I was. I'd go with her advise. I agree with her that age does give you some prospective, unfortunately having seen the Elephant (i.e. having personally experienced something unpleasant) gives you even more.

 

[Esco!]

Hey Xarir, you came to the right place to ask for advice.

TERBites are known for keeping their marriages together

 

[Vancouver Femme Fatale]

Actually, many pooners are very savvy about keeping their marriages together.

I cannot even begin to count how many times I've been told by clients "If it wasn't for you girls, my marriage would be toast".

Here's why; they've been married say twenty-plus years. They love their wives, they love their kids, they love their homes and the lives they've spent building with people they love. However...the sex at home is either rare or doesn't happen at all anymore. Often the wife has gone through menopause, or some kind of medical issue that has killed her sex drive.

And he can't deal. I understand that. You can't amputate an integral human need for release and physical attention. They often aren't getting even kisses and hugs because the wives fear leading on and frustrating their husbands and ending up in yet another fight that further drives them apart over the issue.

What are his options? Get into a romantic relationship with somebody at work, or in his and his wife's circle of friends? How often do couples divorce over the affair with the wife's best friend? Or the wife of his best friend? All the time, because people go with what's familiar, and are drawn to people they already know and like. And doing this will destroy everything they've worked for for most of their adult lives.

Or they can make an appointment with me or another GFE. Or PSE if that's your bigger itch

I'm not going to judge you, and assume the other ladies won't either. We're here to provide momentary comfort, to keep you from throwing out 80% of your life over the 20% that is making you crazy. That's what GFE is. We honour you, and believe it or not, your wife, by putting things into perspective. She'll never meet us, probably never know about us, but strange at it may seem, we've got her back.

I'll probably get a little roasted over this, but I believe very strongly that escorts and their clients are a hell of a more compassionate about keeping families together than many will ever understand.

 

[benito]

Actually, many pooners are very savvy about keeping their marriages together.

I cannot even begin to count how many times I've been told by clients "If it wasn't for you girls, my marriage would be toast".

Etc. Etc. Etc.

You are absolutely right, and its one of the reasons I love SP's.

 

[Vancouver Femme Fatale]

Thank you! It's one of the reasons I get so incensed with the "It's all about the money, you gold-digging hookers" posts. How much is *NOT* throwing away your life worth? $300 is very little to pay for not doing something very, very stupid and destructive...and for the company of a non-judgmental woman who understands both men, women and the real value of the small price we can choose to pay in order to live our lives with a little dignity.

 

[tboy]

Hey VFF, I don't think any intelligent person on this board would roast you for the ideas you have surrounding your chosen profession. Hey, I've said time and time again that for those marriages that sex has gone out the window, sp's provide an essential service. There are even a few posters here whose spouses support their hobbying as it provides them something they can't.

There was an article this week in the sun about how many women are either raised to think that, or develope the idea that sex is a chore in a marriage. I know there are many women that are open and excited about their sexuality but there are still many that feel this way.

Anyway, I hope the original poster let's us know how things turn out....I will bet though that his psycho gf WON'T be the one apologizing for her actions...