Getting Married....

[VinnyBuff]

All my friends are starting to get engaged and married... but I'm not sure if I want to go down that road right now, I want to wait until I'm at least 30 , right now I'm 23.

Is anyone here married? Can you tell me the pros and cons of marriage? Would you recommend waiting for marriage, or do you recommend marrying young?

Thanks for your input! : )

 

[james t kirk]

Getting married at 23?

Yikes. Half of my friends are still single at age 40. Don't know what's worse.

Trust me though, more than half of your married friends will end up divorced. I was sitting at a meeting the other day, there were 6 guys at the table and 5 of us had been through a divorce, only 1 was still married to his first wife and he's hard core Italian, so he'll never leave his wife.

 

[Papi Chulo]

Close to 60% of marriages will fail.

The odds are against you having a successful marriage. The only ones that will benefit are the lawyers when you split.

 

[spatial_k]

You're young! Why worry, if you're not even sure if that's what you want?? In my opinion marriage shouldn't be a life goal, like something you plan to do by the time you're thirty. It should be something you do because someone makes you want to make that commitment.

If you do it, my advice would be a) know what's important to you and make sure being married won't be a barrier to those things because eventually it will cause unbearable friction and b) don't EVER expect marriage to change a person or a relationship. IT WON'T.

 

[LateComer]

I think it is important to sow your wild oats while you still have the chance. If you don't, you will end up like many of us (me included) here on TERB. I would not hold off on getting married if you find the right girl but you shouldn't feel pressured into getting married just because your friends are.

 

[luv4lust]

from my experience it is jail i used my get out of jail free card (divorce)lol

 

[LateComer]

from my experience it is jail i used my get out of jail free card (divorce)lol

Unfortunately, for most men divorce is anything but free.

 

[C Dick]

I was engaged by the time I was 21. I can not imagine having as good a life as I do if I was not married. My wife is attractive, shares my values, and is even hobby-accepting. It takes a lot of work, and you have to chose well and be lucky, but if it actually works, it is the best way to live, at least for me. Probably Terb is not the best place to go for balanced perspectives on marriage.

 

[Bear669]

WAIT, until you are at least..

All my friends are starting to get engaged and married... but I'm not sure if I want to go down that road right now, I want to wait until I'm at least 30 , right now I'm 23.

Is anyone here married? Can you tell me the pros and cons of marriage? Would you recommend waiting for marriage, or do you recommend marrying young?

Thanks for your input! : )

...40. Then you can still fuck it up- I did

Waaaaay complex issue, but NEVER consider it cause:
Everyone else is doing it
Your Mom wants you to
You have an overwhelming urge to breed (You are a guy, you can do it when you are 70)

Ask yourself- WHY?
It was pretty funny when I was your age. People would say, cause:
Who will fuck you?
Who will feed you?
Who will do your laundry?
Who will save you from loneliness?

All BAD reasons to get hitched. I gave it a try (twice) after sowing fields of oats, AND realizing that most women in our society go away if you do not eventually get 'serious'. (I do get attached)


Buy every book you can on the topic, read them all, the G, B & Stupid.

Know thyself.

Remember- What you like about someone gets you laid, what you can TOLERATE makes a long time relationship.

 

[alex52]

I dont think his forum is the best place for you get advice on marriege. Remember there are two sides to each story.

 

[Liber Pater]

I am single and never been married and in my late 30's.

I do however remember when I was in my mid 20's that my married friends were batting about 0.600 in the successful marriage department. I am careful in using the word successful as opposed to happy.

The average falls pretty steeply when going from successful to happy.

I would say if you started the post, you aren't ready or haven't met the person you would marry.

"God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of"
Bruce Springsteen, Brilliant Disguise

 

[Aardvark154]

Good Lord young man (not a put-down merely an acknowledgment that I'm significantly older) TERB is the last place in the world to be looking for advice about a healthy marriage!

Marriage can be a wonderful thing, it can also be Hell on earth. Listen to those whom you feel have successful marriages.

Don't make assumptions about what a girlfriend's values are - ask them - just not on the first date. Related to my previous comment don't assume that she thinks like you. Just because it appears to be plan common sense to you and your family don't assume that everyone believes this to be true.

Don't get desperate to find "the one" - easier at your age - harder as time goes on, at the same time don't expect that "the one" will be perfect in every way - besides yourself do you know anyone else who is?

Best wishes.

 

[alexmst]

General rule of thumb: when in your 20's, a lot of your friends will marry. What this means for you is you will see them less socially if you stay single, as married couples like to socialize with other married couples. So, your choices are: a) be more solitary b) get new single friends to suppliment a drop off in socializing with your recently married ones or c) get married yourself so that you can still socialize with your married friends often. When I was in my 20's I picked option b. Thus, whenever my single friends get married, I expanded my circle of friends to include new single people to hang out with.

I hope to marry one day and have at least one child - I just don't feel in a rush to do it. I just witnessed an ex g/f of mine go through option c: all her close female friends got married in the last year and, socially marginilized, lo and behold if she didn't get married last month too. A mutual aquainatnce told me he thinks it will last at most 5 years, probably closer to 3. I hope it works out for her, but I don't think option c is best as a rule.

This is a tricky question with many possible answers depending on your goals and circumstances. I think a good marriage will go from giddy infatuation (2 years) to a deeper friendship and partnership that will last. A bad one I think will go from giddy infatuation (2 years) to boredom followed by resentment followed by a desire to head to the airport and escape to Brazil under a false name while driving to work one morning. If there was a way of telling which outcome you would have in advance, the inventor of said invention would be very wealthy.

We'll see what happens to me if and when I ever get married, but singledom isn't as bad as its sometimes portrayed...

 

[truwarier]

i got married at 18, and ended up on TERb, nuff said.

 

[hunter001]

You don't have to actively pursue it. Just stay open to the idea if the right one comes your way.

 

[james t kirk]

I was engaged by the time I was 21. I can not imagine having as good a life as I do if I was not married. My wife is attractive, shares my values, and is even hobby-accepting. It takes a lot of work, and you have to chose well and be lucky, but if it actually works, it is the best way to live, at least for me. Probably Terb is not the best place to go for balanced perspectives on marriage.

No offense but TERB is the PERFECT place since allot of guys on here are married and know the drill (literally).

You have a very unusual (albeit sucessful) marriage. 99.9% of women out there are not, nor will they ever be, "hobby-accepting". Usually, they would be divorce accepting.

You're a lucky guy and you know it.

 

[benito]

A marriage can turn to shit real fast. Don't be in such a hurry to get married. If you like someone, date them for 7 or 8 years before you get married.

 

[james t kirk]

never been married, no kids that i know of and my disposable income is way above average. I cant see myself getting married or really getting into a serious relationship because i like to just come and go as I please. I cant say i use the ladies on this board much and mostly used the services of an indy mpa but i seem to have pretty good luck with the ladies. Most of my buddies are all grumpy about there relationships and frankly glad Im not in one...

That pretty much mirrors my situation interestingly enough. I'm single, I own my own house, I live alone, I keep the place clean, I know how to look after myself. I certainly don't "need" a woman to be a char woman for me. I'm not opposed to relationships, or marriage, however I have become rather set in my ways and frankly I enjoy my ways and my freedom. Allot. I date, it leads to a relationship, but invariably, the bullshit starts up and I don't take it - I just walk away and wait / look for the next one to come to come along and hope that it will be better. I have enough stress in my life, I don't need more.

Surprisingly, at my age, I still have a lot of single friends. I don't feel that there is any grand shortage of friends to socialize with since a lot are single, or dating. Toronto is good for that really.

I would also agree that most of my married friends are fairly miserable as well. There's none that I envy. One has a pretty cool wife, doesn't mind his single friends, but that's about it.

 

[Fred Zed]

Never been (legally) married myself but
I don't think age is the issue. If you plan to have
kids it might be better to marry young and get
the child bearing over and done with fast as from what I can see
with some of my married friends raising kids is very stressful and expensive.
So, you want to keep that in mind plus making sure your career is on track
as well as ensuring your finances, credit rating etc are in good shape ( very important).

 

[zedzed77]

Remember- What you like about someone gets you laid, what you can TOLERATE makes a long time relationship.

Well said. I dumped my now ex-gf of two years due to her inability to handle increasing stress and the resulting 20 pounds she's put on since we started (And she was already overweight to start with). In essence, her increased girth was something that I was not able to tolerate, despite my best efforts to try to turn things around for her (she simply never listens or has a hissy fit when I do).

Sure, this makes me the bad guy and very shallow as a result. Most of our mutual friends are no longer talking to me. However I keep reminding myself that if I didn't do it now, I'd be doing it much later, when it would be 10 times worse.