Fuuny Epitaphs

[MissCroft]

"Here lies Ann Mann;
She lived an old maid and
She died an Old Mann."

Here lies
Lester Moore
Four slugs
from a 44
no Les
no more"

She drank good ale,
good punch and wine
And lived to the age of 99.

Hooray my brave boys
Lets rejoice at his fall.
For if he had lived
He would have buried us all.


On a lawyer in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer.
And that is Strange.

On an Auctioneer:

Jedediah Goodwin
Auctioneer
Born 1828

Going!

Going!!

Gone!!!


Here lies the father of 29.
He would have had more
But he didn't have time.


Here lies the body of Ephraim Wise.
Safely tucked between his two wives.
One was Tillie and the other Sue.
Both were faithful, loyal, and true.
By his request in ground that's hilly
His coffin is set tilted toward Tillie.

Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada


Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte.
Born a virgin, died a harlot.
For 16 years she kept her virginity
A damn'd long time for this vicinity.

Death Valley, California


Here lies
an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

On the four husbands of Ivy Saunders:
Here lies my husbands 1 - 2 - 3
As still as men could ever be.
As for the fourth: Praise be to God
he still abides above the sod:
Abel, Seth and Leidy were the first 3 names
and to make things tidy I'll add his - James.


Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.


Once I wasn't
Then I was
Now I ain't again.

Here Lies Jane Smith
Wife of Thomas Smith
Marble Cutter:

This Monument Erected
By Her Husband
As A Tribute
To Her Memory.
Monuments of this style
are 250 Dollars.

And my favourite: "See, I told you I was sick."

Any more?

 

[Hangman]

Died in his sleep after a courageous battle with Nazis.

Died jumping his motorcycle over a dinosaur.
It was Awesome.

 

[Rockslinger]

Obviously, not my favourite subject but here goes. You have to know baseball to understand this one:

"Here lies Sister Maria,
Born a virgin, died a virgin,
No runs, no hits, no errors."

Sister Maria was a real nun who loved the old Brooklyn Dodgers and they loved her. Her pallbearers were all Dodger players.

 

[Ben Hogan]

Mel Blanc's epitaph reads "That's All Folks".

(He was the vpice for Porky Pig, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, etc.)

 

[Vixens]

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont

and

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young

Steph
416-966-6966

 

[a 1 player]

One behind a church I used to go to in Scarborough...

"I told you I was sick."

 

[Moraff]

"Gone to see for myself!"