Fucked up please help!

[neo anderson]

Hi all

Here is the dilemna.

My girlfreind and I were out at a bar on the weekend with her single girlfriends. We ran into some other freinds there (some single some not) and concidently enough they were at a table next to us. I got up to play some pool and when I came back my girlfriend was sitting at the table with her friends and the guys that were at the table next to us.

When I returned to the table the conversation was about why it is better to have a women in their 30's...the guys were in their 20's, one of the single guys was sitting next to my girl and had his arm on her side of the table and she had her arm extended to his and there was contact.

I told her that she looked comfortable in this position and that it was a game that I had played before, I then said that I was going to go and her tone changed dramtically. She was all over me then, but I was pissed

I felt pain seeing her touch like that...kind of flirty but with more like gestures.

She has turned now to say that it is my jealousy issue! I don't think that I am a jealous type of person but I do know that this bothered me (so maybe I am). She claims that she didn't even know that their arms were touching but I'm not buying cause I know that I just wouldn't do that.

This isn't the first time I have seen this in her either. Some months ago we were out, again with the same friends, and there was another eligible bachelor looking for some action...I was putting our coats in the coat check and she was introduced to this dude whom was boasting about being a chiropractor...she said that he was giving her vibes during the meet (while I was at the coat check...well she ends up sitting beside him at the dinner table and I across from her....during dinner he is saying that as a chiropractor he likes to spend time with his clients first starting with a good massage...no sooner out of his mouth does he say this when she intervened with this comment..."I like it hard"...with a stong sexual undertone attached to the comment...the guy then leans his arm on the table and looks straight at her with his back to me...needless to say...I was pissed.

Please let me know how you would feel? I am not sure that I can trust her anymore.

Regards.

Neo

 

[trick]

Is you girlfriend an sp or mpa, If not I think you should write Dear Abby

trick

 

[neo anderson]

No she's not either a MPA or SP....but rather that get Abby's take I would like to get a cross section of opinions from everyday people.

Thanks,

Neo

 

[aslan]

You knew she has done this before- and she will do it again

If she can do that in your presence, think of what she can do when you are not there.

You have a choice- Ignore it and don't done anything.


You can also find some nice SP from this board and meet them.

You can remain as friends and friends only.

If you want to be serious with her, you have to be ready to accept her openess to or unintentional flirting with other guys.

I think you may need to understand your girlfriend a bit more before you can make any decision. Time will tell.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Was she like that with you when you first me her? I think you need to ask yourself whether she is consistently like this. She could be exhibiting this “frankness” with everyone she meets in which case it is just her personality. Its funny how the things that attract us the most to others are those that we wish were meant for ourselves.

Aslan is definately right....you need to understand your girlfriend a little more.

 

[mmouse]

The two of you should have a serious chat, so you can figure out just what her intentions are.
If she really means to cheat, give her the chance to tell you.
The last thing you want is for her to do something behind your back, then you find out later.
Maybe you want to "cheat" too? Then maybe you can work out a deal where you both get what you want.

 

[neo anderson]

Yeah you are right....but in amidst hurt and pain I feel like retaliating. I went to the Pro the other night cause we've broken up over this for the moment...I ran into a girl that I had something with a couple of years ago (before her and I started anything) and I revealed my situation...she would probably do anything for me like be at the same bar then I could "meet up" with her and do the flirting thing back to see how it feels.

I know though that I won't do this...but it is tempting...and immature.

 

[BATMAN]

Neo what do you care if she is doing this, is it ok that you are cheating on her?

 

[Berlin]

I agree with aslan and Cardinal.

In addition to try getting a better and thorough understanding of your GF , you must ask yourself if this is the right GF whom you want to spend time with. I assume you do plan on having a medium to long term relationship with her.
If you can bag her constant public flirting, man, I advise you to just move on to other greener pasture.
IMO flirting is not easy to bag , unless this is an open relationship here. So dude, you gotta do some math in your big head to see if yuo can accept her flirtiness. If not, may be you can keep her as a casual bang buddy, for your other head.

You have to know what you really want and expect from her. A must for any future progress.

 

[neo anderson]

She says that it's not flirting..and she says it very convincingly. I don't know to buy into it or not....I'm not sure what she wants...I've asked and she always say me and the relationship and nothing else..but I feel that she has insecurities in herself that she likes to bolster by getting the attention of other men in vey subtle ways a litttle flirt...a reaction from the guy then she can say...uh, hicup, I didn't know....that's one angle anyways.

 

[Remo]

Sounds to me like she did it to get a rise out of you. I had an ex who did the same thing. She liked seeing me get mad it made her feel valued or something. Or maybe she was just twisted?

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Neo what do you care if she is doing this, is it ok that you are cheating on her?

He is NOT cheating on her......they are simply on a break.



*Episode of Friends creeping into the thread*

 

[BATMAN]

He has been, with sp's and mp's .......................

 

[neo anderson]

Yes we have been on and off throughout this...and I don't know wheter to commit to her completely or not when I keep coming back to this...as for MP's. Yes I have been to some on occasion..so do you think it's me with the insecurities bolstering it by the odd visitation of MP's. Curiosity...insecurity...non commital...or maybe want the best of both worlds without ever having to commit to one...I'm sure I'm not the only one based on a poll that was recently placed on this board.

But still after all that we or rather I still have the issue, and really appreciate your responses.

Thanks All
Neo

 

[JDayger]

Are you 12 Neo?

What a load of immature shit.

When in a relationship it's all about trust.
What she says to others or even does with others is beyond your knowledge or control.
You want a doll to play with, buy one.
You want to interact with a woman ..... someone who has their own agenda, needs and wants then welcome to the big game.
She comes home with you at night and is their the next morning? Time after time?
Get over your own fears and insecurities and stay the hell out of the clubs and parlours.
Work with you woman to build your relationship or walk away and find another that does not challage you so much.
Maybe you need work and she is getting tired of babysitting you?
Ever think of that?
Grow up. Play safe and play to win.
Or just go out and fuck faceless women over and over again.
Dayger.

 

[thecoolguyms72]

Well, I think Neo is the one who has the insecurities, frankly. Neo, you need to realize, she is a woman, and will try to get attention at every turn. It's just how they are. Most cases, it's innocent flirting for her ego. If she's going home with you, be happy with that. I think someone said it right, you need to get more self-esteem, or find an ugly woman, like the song says.

 

[breaker7]

The two of you should have a serious chat, so you can figure out just what her intentions are.

Listen to mouse -this way ya don't have to play cat and mouse...good luck!

 

[Magister]

You are a hobbyist, so you cheat on your G/F all the time... She would be well within her right to do so, and you know it. That is where your insecurities are coming from.

Nonsense. We men are quite content to maintain a double standard.

 

[fflowley]

yet another opinion

Hell, opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one so heres mine.

You really have to ask yourself if this is the right girl for you. The right one should give you butterflies because of how intense the feelings are. This girl sounds like she gives you a queasy stomach because you worry about infidelity and she likes to push your buttons a little in public, whether or not she is even really fooling around on you.

I'd like to say that NOT all women are the type that attention seek in public. I think the users of this board are a skewed population in terms of the women they are exposed to. When you're hanging out in clubs and engaging SP's you are not seeing the whole picture. There are women with physical and spiritual beauty that don't flash a lot in public, and would be very content home with a nice meal, their man, and a roaring fire in the fireplace ( I know, I'm married to one). Ask yourself honestly what type would fit you better, then make plans for the future. If someone outgoing and flirty give you agita all the time, look elsewhere.



Flooey!

 

[papasmerf]

Could try my grad dads advice: A good woman is hard to find..............If you bury them right.