A letter to our pets... enjoy!
> Dear Dogs and Cats,
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
> the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your
> food and dish, nor do I find that esthetically pleasing in the slightest
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
> comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
> is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
> other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
> sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end
> to > maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If By
> some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
> under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine
or
> feline attendance is not mandatory.
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt..
I cannot stress this enough!
>
> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
> our front door:
> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> furniture..(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> Dogs and cats are better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for Money
> all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,never drive
your
> car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
> don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your
> clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
> pregnant, you can sell the children.
> Dear Dogs and Cats,
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
> the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your
> food and dish, nor do I find that esthetically pleasing in the slightest
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
> comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
> is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
> other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
> sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end
> to > maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If By
> some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
> under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine
or
> feline attendance is not mandatory.
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt..
I cannot stress this enough!
>
> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
> our front door:
> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> furniture..(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> Dogs and cats are better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for Money
> all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,never drive
your
> car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
> don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your
> clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
> pregnant, you can sell the children.
