Do you regret getting married or having children

[Jasmine Raine]

I myself have never been married but I'd be open to it with the right person and I'd like to have children. I think I'd have a lot to offer and teach them. Yet, I see the low quality of men and all the divorces and it just seems like a risky move in Canada and especially Toronto. Too many lazy, deadbeat, losers out there.



^^^^ Don't I sound so attractive with that attitude?????? Don't you just wanna jump up and propose marriage to me right now!!!!!!

And the man wonders why he is single with no kids LMAO - Ya low quality alright

And No OP. You didn't strike a nerve. I just find it funny that someone with such a crappy outlook would think they are seen as attractive with attitudes like this. I also find it funny when a person wastes all their money on the lottery and wonders why they have not won. But that is just me.

This is an example of needing to look inward, not outward. Hint - dismissing a woman's opinion you don't like as "possibly that time of month" is part of why the feminist movement was needed. Just saying. LOL

 

[bazokajoe]

Sounds like a job with long hours and negative financial pay with potentially a bad boss. You better want that kid with your whole heart.

LMAO. That is so perfectly said.

 

[bazokajoe]

I’m not married and pretty sure I don’t want children but I think this is also a difficult route to go. I get that marriage and children take a lot of sacrifice and by being alone, you’ll miss out on one of the best things in life (in theory), a successful loving relationship and raising offspring. It’s biologically baked in our genes, however if you pick the wrong partner and don’t raise the kids properly, it could definitely be bad. Ultimately it’s whether you want to take the risk and how confident you are with your relationship with your SO. Being alone will have its hardships but is definitely doable, either path is meaningless in the relative context of the entire cosmos.

Please explain "being alone will have its hardships" ???
I'm 55 and never been married and no kids.Own my house new truck,good paying job,travel and have no debt. What are my hardships again?

 

[Euro Male]

You better want that kid with your whole heart.

Brothers on the board, if you are on the fence about having kids . . . . . . DON'T

Feel your raw, primal, animal instincts. When it's dark, quite and you're all alone. Deep-down if you know you're not ready . . . . . DON'T PULL THE TRIGGER!

How many of us who come from fucked-up families and in our darkest hours have said to ourselves . . . . .

'why couldn't you have left me swimming in your balls? ---- 'Why did you even bother to shoot me out of your useless dick'?

How many of us had dad's taking us to lil league? Encouraged us to get involved in sports, to get an early jump-start on life-skills . . . . . discipline, teamwork, leadership, time management, learning to deal with adversity etc.

How many of us had dad's picking us up and taking us to our first Mc Job in Jr.High-School? To get us an early jump-start on life and social skills etc?

How many of us had dad's who were R-E-A-L men, who groomed us to be MEN . . . . . to be stand-up guys?

Nothing more soul-crushing then to be a young innocent lil boy or girl . . . . . to be ignored, neglected, abandoned

Diamond-in-the-rough . . . . . ALL of us to be light, bright to sparkle and truly shine

Nurturing, mentoring, coaching, leardership . . . . . . L-O-V-E

mykey

 

[Smallcock]

Talked to my mom about this today. She said that she regretted having a kid.

 

[superstar_88]

At least now you know the truth. You can on on with your life now not having to post anymore dad threads.

 

[Euro Male]

What she meant was she regretted not having a different kid.

Hahaha . . . . . BOOP!

 

[spraggamuffin]

 

[multimedia]

I'm in the 35 to 45 range so have many friends with kids in that single age figure range, including myself.

I find the ones that regret having kids, and have said they wouldn't have done it if they knew, do not have a strong, foundational relationship with their own parents.

Not always the case of course of having bad parental relationships, but of more likely if it is a 'negative' aspect of your life. Not 'hurtful'.

Also, having 2 kids under 5 is also a very very rough stage. Just coming out of it now, but man, it can be rough. To the point where you will 2nd guess the marriage aspect of it, bc in both people's eyes, they'll see negative qualities of each other, and also the kids take so much of the time, the parents can become like strangers to each other.

The amount of help you get from family members also impacts that level of stress. I get some help, at least important back-up when needed. That alleviates the strain of daily life that can cause a feeling of regret when you are busy and stressed at work.

OP, you seem to talk about your dad alot, and it seems he was a very positive influence on your life. In that, I would highly recommend you to have kids. Now, i'm not sure where you're trying, but age around 30-34 should be your target. I've heard of good, serious dating sites. Based on what you've described, I don't see why it should be so hard, as 'quality' men get to be a rarity in this range (has steady income, doesn't live with mom, decently fit and good personal hygiene, able to hold a conversation. Bonus for sense of humour).

But you need to 'lower' your standards of just looking at pics. Meet for coffee introductions during lunch if you can. Whereabouts do you work?

 

[PinotNoir]

Getting married is sometimes a pain in the ass...

Having children is a joy, and sometimes a pain in the ass...

Having grandchildren is a joy unsurpassed!!!! But impossible without, first, marriage and children... :adoration:

Perry

Funny how this is and I fully agree and share this view.

 

[superstar_88]

Never heard this song before. Or the singer. Must be from the 60's

 

[Don Draper]

as for your little quip about me - i have my whole future legal career ahead of me. i sure as hell would never sacrifice that for any man.

Dawn, when you set up shop and open up your practice, please do let me know.

I'll be the first one to hire you!

 

[J.A. Prufrock]

Absolutely not, to both questions. And this from someone whose wife left him a few years ago after 19 years together.
I hate what she did to me, and while I occasionally become enraged thinking about it, I don't hate her. She is the mother of my children, the most important person to them, which means she will always be important to me.
She was the girl of my dreams and I have a multitude of wonderful memories and two great children who mean the world to me. There is nothing more rewarding in life than being a father and I live for my kids (thinking of them helped me through my darkest days).
One piece of advice I'd give to anyone who is married or will be: Don't let family come between you. Don't try to please both sides. Choose one side, and that side should always be your wife and kids. Everyone else can go to hell.

 

[onthebottom]

My children are my absolute joy, wouldn’t trade them for the world. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have children, not that I think everyone should.

 

[superstar_88]

you shouldn't feel sorry.

 

[Smallcock]

My children are my absolute joy, wouldn’t trade them for the world. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have children, not that I think everyone should.

How many kids do you recommend is ideal?

 

[Polaris]

my mom told us she regretted having us and i don't blame her at all. we have an amazing relationship and i share everything with her and i know she loves me a lot - but

She does not mean that.

This is just a guilt trip to make sure the kids do not forget about mom in the future in her old age.

If mom really regretted having you ... you're a daughter ... I mean the obvious would have happened ... you would have been given away for adoption!

Since that did not happen, and mom gave it her all in raising her family, no regrets at all. You kids are her pride and joy.

This is something kind of typical a Chinese parent would say, to lay it on thick onto the kids. Chinese life is a burden. But you still fulfill your duty and do your best. If you do that, then it is all worth it.

Just make sure the kids are there for support in old age. So you got to lay it on thick! LoL!

When you have kids, you will understand that too, maybe use the same line likr everybody else does. LOL!

Give a hug to mom.

 

[onthebottom]

How many kids do you recommend is ideal?

I don’t think there is a simple answer to that question. I have two, boy and a girl.

 

[simba_one]

Dawn I'm sure your mom is super proud that she has you for a daughter. If you were my daughter I know I'd be.

 

[superstar_88]

my mom told us she regretted having us and i don't blame her at all. we have an amazing relationship and i share everything with her and i know she loves me a lot - but she had to raise me and my sister pretty much single-handedly while my dad was off getting his business off the ground and travelling back between china and canada. and then he ended up leaving her anyway. and i know i did not make it easy for her, being as rebellious as i was in my tweens and teens. and my sister is still a total bitch to her to this day. she sacrificed so much for us when she could have been off living her life to the fullest.

kids are definitely overrated - there are so many other ways to find fulfillment in life. i'm sure it's difficult for some people to imagine what life would be like without their kids but that's only because they exist and you've already formed a bond with them. but if you never have them in the first place, you have nothing to regret.

i have zero desire to bring kids into this world so i can't really understand other peoples' need to do so. i think it's probably driven by self-interest, like everything else - a selfish, perhaps biologically-driven desire to replicate your own genes. my good friend is trying to have a kid with her husband and she just had a second miscarriage, and i feel really bad for her cuz i know she really wants one. and i think it would be fun to come over and play with her baby once she has one. but that's about it. just the idea of a foreign being growing inside my body makes me feel weird. and then having to push it out thru my vagina?? if it was men who had to get pregnant and be burdened down for nine months, maybe i'd be more amenable to the idea.

OnTheBottom feels sorry for you.