Do SPs take work home?

[Back Burner]

But for whatever reason, people seem to think that we're different, somehow. That we chose to do professionally that which we hate personally. It's a stigma thing. And it's annoying.

..c..

Well the problem is that your profession is different. You can't really compare it to any other profession in the world IMHO. Doesn't make you any more or less human.

And the stigma comes from a profession that no one dreams of doing when growing up, or a career goal that people want to achieve. Again, doesn't make these assumptions acceptable.

 

[Marla]

I think it was a simple question...Since many clients' wives have no interest in sex (sensuality) because of work tiredness, child-care tiredness, etc. are SP's the same after work or are they the romantisized sex and sensual maniacs portrayed onwebsites, in books and movies?

I think THAT was the original question and it has nothing to do with ones humanity--if it did many spouses could be divorced for "inhumanity"!!

peace-love--out
R

I need one day off between being an sp and being a girlfriend in all of the meanings. I can't jump from one to the other automatically or I am faking it.

 

[AMWBT]

sigh...

...because it seems to me that I have over the years seen plenty of data that suggesting that drug use, suicide rates and many other negative behaviors are much higher amongst sex workers than the general population.

What a load of melodrama. Why are you guys here, then, to "help" the poor SPs? You do realize, that if sex workers are generally a bunch of dysfunctional fuck ups, it makes hobbyists the callous exploiters of same. So you think we cry ourselves to sleep, but at the same time, you'll publicly discuss who'll lick your asshole the best? (ever think those two things might be related??)

The supposed propensity of the SP population to mental instability and illness is mentioned so often, I've actually saved a file that has my standard reply.

I submit that we're dealing mostly with presupposition here. The role of an SP by whatever name carries a huge amount of cultural baggage in our world, it's inescapable. If you read or follow media stories that involve prostitutes, for example, you'll find they're often not named or described in any other way. We're not people like anybody else, we're a category, and the category as a whole is viewed as abnormal. In other words, you're starting from the position of thinking you know something about "us" - all of us - rather than solely going by your own observations and maybe just common sense. Unless someone really does have their own research notes I can peruse, including sample size of over 1,000, criteria used to determine "mental illness", compared to a similar sized population of neighbours and co-workers..?

There are actually studies that have shown a higher than average incidence of substance abuse, domestic violence and suicide among dentists and doctors - surely, the clearest indication I can think of of mental instability and illness. This is also commonly known. So do we go to the dentists' office assuming they're probably mentally ill? And if my doctor doesn't return my phone calls, do I start worrying about his mental health, or would I more likely complain about his shoddy business practices?

If certain kinds of personalities are attracted to certain kinds of work, that's no secret. Every public school teacher I've known socially has this insufferable tendancy to lecture. Is that a mental weakness, or just the way a "normal" personality adapts to, and is affected by, their circumstances?

And if you insist on believing the stereotype as fact, it paints a pretty grim picture of male/female relationships. It's either:
a) the business of catering to male sexual desires and needs tends to drive women crazy, or
b) only crazy women tend to get into the business of catering to male sexual desires and needs.

You can't have it both ways. And, if you promise not to speculate about my mental health, I'll promise not to speculate about yours.

 

[Doctor Zoidburg]

I can tell you about 2 cases that I encountered.

On SP that I knew told me all about her sex life with her BF. I was the only client that she allowed to use her rear entrance. ( she told me that her BF did not know how to enter gracefully and was a wham-bam-thak-you ma'am type of guy)
I met another SP that told me her BF knew exactly what she did, and was OK with it. When we got down to the biz........, I made her quirt buckets of gooey stuff. When she stopped moaning and screaming from the finger fucking I gave her, she looked at me and said, "I have not had sex for a long time.............What? you don't believe me"? Evidently he BF did not mind the money she brought home, but did not use any of the merchandise.

 

[RTRD]

And in response

You do realize, that if sex workers are generally a bunch of dysfunctional fuck ups, it makes hobbyists the callous exploiters of same.

There are many people who believe exactly that.

Beyond that point though, I don't agree with the premise. To "exploit" implies that the person would not be in the business except for actions on my part, and that "I" directly (usually financially) benefit. Neither is the case. An SP is in the business BEFORE "I" (because I don't hobby) meet her. And while "I" do benefit from the business arrangement we have struck, it is exactly that, a mutually benefical business arangement. "I" am not a pimp - no "explotation" involved. Or, to put another spin on it - SPs don't become SPs because they want to service johns...SPs become SPs because they need the money. I am sure MOST would avoid the service part if they could (and many attempt to do exactly that).

I submit that we're dealing mostly with presupposition here. The role of an SP by whatever name carries a huge amount of cultural baggage in our world, it's inescapable.

And I would submit that the willingness to go headlong into dealing with that baggage versus taking a "civilian" job is one of the markers of how SPs are "different" in ways that may (or may not) be in their personal best interest or lend itself to general social conformance. Of course, for some people this is a badge of honor, to be "different". And it certainly is not a definative sign of mental illness. But it certainly is what it is - a difference - and one that really isn't very main stream, and hence brings on all of its own sets of problems, self induced in nature.

Unless someone really does have their own research notes I can peruse, including sample size of over 1,000, criteria used to determine "mental illness", compared to a similar sized population of neighbours and co-workers..?

I suspect these things exists, but I, having both a day job and a life, am not even going to bother finding the data.

There are actually studies that have shown a higher than average incidence of substance abuse, domestic violence and suicide among dentists and doctors - surely, the clearest indication I can think of of mental instability and illness.

This is in fact true. However, it doesn't change my point. Now, are you saying these factors are lower for SPs than for doctors and dentists?

If certain kinds of personalities are attracted to certain kinds of work, that's no secret. Every public school teacher I've known socially has this insufferable tendancy to lecture. Is that a mental weakness, or just the way a "normal" personality adapts to, and is affected by, their circumstances?

Nice try. My point is that...

a) As someone pointed out no one (ok...very few someones) actually aspire to become an SP. Most go into in out of somel evel of desperation, and most always have intentions (if not a plan) to get out. Yet they do it knowing they will at some point find it an undesireable way to make a living, and in fact some do it feeling that way in advance. Doctors, Dentists, Teachers go into those professions assuming they will find it very rewarding, either personally or financially. Most I am willing to wager think of the risks you have cited (correctly) as purely anecdotal. SPs, on the other hand, (for the most part) pursue their trade with nothing more high minded than financial gain, and do so knowing all of the "stereotypes" in advance. Yet, there they go.

And if you insist on believing the stereotype as fact, it paints a pretty grim picture of male/female relationships. It's either:
a) the business of catering to male sexual desires and needs tends to drive women crazy, or
b) only crazy women tend to get into the business of catering to male sexual desires and needs.

Take out the word "only" and I'm going with "B" if forced to chose, but I tend to believe it is both...with knowledge of A) acting somewhat as the confirmation of B).

Look - this is the bottom line. We all opt to do what we do for whatever reason we do it. However, being an SP is one of the roles in the minority that most people would opt NOT to do, pretty much no matter what. Given identical circumstances and choices, most women still opt NOT to become SPs. So, in light of that, to me it says something...whatever something is...about the women who do.

 

[littleboyblue]

You do realize, that if sex workers are generally a bunch of dysfunctional fuck ups, it makes hobbyists the callous exploiters of same.

There are many people who beleive exactly that.

Beyond that point though, I don't agre with the premise. To "exploit" implies that the person would not be in the business except for actions on my part, and that I directly (usually financially) benefit. Neither is the case. An SP is in the business BEFORE "I" (because I don't hobby) meet her. And while "I" do benefit from the business arrangement we have stuck, it is exactly that, a mutually benefical business arangement. "I" am not a pimp - not "explotation" involved. Or, to put another spin on it - SPs don't become SPs because they want to service johns...SPs become SPs because they need the money. I am sure MOST would avoid the service part if they could (and many attempt to do exactly that).

I submit that we're dealing mostly with presupposition here. The role of an SP by whatever name carries a huge amount of cultural baggage in our world, it's inescapable.

And I would submit that the willingness to go headlong into dealing with that baggage versus taking a "civilian" job is one of the markers of how SPs are "different" in ways that may (or may not) be in their personal best interest or lend itself to general social conformance. Of course, for some people this is a badge of honor, to be "different". And it certainly is not a definative sign of mental illness. But it certainly is what it is - a difference - and one that really isn't very main stream, and hence brings on all of its own sets of problems, self induced in nature.

Unless someone really does have their own research notes I can peruse, including sample size of over 1,000, criteria used to determine "mental illness", compared to a similar sized population of neighbours and co-workers..?

I suspect these things exists, but I, having both a day job and a life, am not even going to bother finding the data.

There are actually studies that have shown a higher than average incidence of substance abuse, domestic violence and suicide among dentists and doctors - surely, the clearest indication I can think of of mental instability and illness.

This is in fact true. However, it doesn't change my point. Now, are you saying these factors are lower for SPs than for doctors and dentists?

If certain kinds of personalities are attracted to certain kinds of work, that's no secret. Every public school teacher I've known socially has this insufferable tendancy to lecture. Is that a mental weakness, or just the way a "normal" personality adapts to, and is affected by, their circumstances?

Nice try. My point is that...

a) As someone pointed out no one (ok...very few someones) actually aspire to become an SP. Most go into in out of somelevel of desperation, and most always have intentions (if not a plan) to get out. Yet they do it knowing they will at some point find it an undesireable way to make a living, and infact some do it feeling that way in advance. Doctors, Dentists, Teachers go into those professions assuming they will find it very rewarding, either personally or financially. Most I am willing to wager think of the risks you have cited (correctly) as purely anecdotal. SPs, on the other hand, (for the most part) pursue their trade with nothing more high mindd than financial gain, and do so knowing all of the "stereotypes" in advance. Yet, there they go.

And if you insist on believing the stereotype as fact, it paints a pretty grim picture of male/female relationships. It's either:
a) the business of catering to male sexual desires and needs tends to drive women crazy, or
b) only crazy women tend to get into the business of catering to male sexual desires and needs.

Take out the word "only" and I'm going with "B" if forced to chose, but I tend to believe it is both...with knowledge of A) acting somewhat as the confirmation of B).

Look - this is the bottom line. We all opt to do what we do for whatever reason we do it. However, being an SP is one of the roles in the minority that most people would opt NOT to do, pretty much no matter what. Given identical circumstancs and choices, most women still opt NOT to become SPs. So, in light of that, to me it says something...whatever something is...about the women who do.

You don't like people very much, do you?

 

[RTRD]

Wtf??

You don't like people very much, do you?

I have no idea what your point here is....

 

[JoyfulC]

a) As someone pointed out no one (ok...very few someones) actually aspire to become an SP.

Well, I guess I'm one of those very few someones. I grew up in the 60s and 70s -- during the sexual revoluation -- when there was a certain exotic cachet attached to being a call girl. I can honestly say that it's what I really wanted to do from a young age. True, it wasn't always what I expected it to be -- but in many ways, it was so much better.

Most go into in out of somel evel of desperation, and most always have intentions (if not a plan) to get out.

That's interesting that you should say that.

I don't disagree with it. I've known many such people who've entered the business over the years.

But would you feel the same way about seeing someone like that as you would about someone who truly loved and felt good about what she was doing?

It's the difference between exploitation and using a service. I suspect that most of my clients wouldn't want to see someone who viewed doing this as something undesirable that they were forced to do out of desperation. There's always an alternative for anyone who truly doesn't want to do this -- maybe it comes down to what they don't want to do more (give up drugs, unhealthy lifestyles, bad choices, etc.). But such people are very different from those of us who make healthy choices and we willingly choose this, feeling proud of the work we do, the service we offer to others, and who truly enjoy and feel fulfilled by it.

Yet they do it knowing they will at some point find it an undesireable way to make a living, and in fact some do it feeling that way in advance.

At the risk of being horribly politically incorrect, I have to guess that those who feel that way probably feel the same about ANY way that they can make living. My experience has shown that people like that choose this because 1) they feel that they can get by with less effort; and 2) they believe that their customers in this are somehow less deserving, so it's okay to rip them off.

If I were a customer, I'd be very suspicious of any SP who was not both proud and happy to be doing her job. Sure there are such SPs -- but they should be avoided like the plague.

Doctors, Dentists, Teachers go into those professions assuming they will find it very rewarding, either personally or financially. Most I am willing to wager think of the risks you have cited (correctly) as purely anecdotal. SPs, on the other hand, (for the most part) pursue their trade with nothing more high minded than financial gain, and do so knowing all of the "stereotypes" in advance. Yet, there they go.

That is just so wrong!

How do you explain the escorts who turn down prospective customers, on whatever basis (they're rude, too explicit, not in a comfortable range, etc.)?

It's more likely that a doctor or a dentist or a teacher will take on all comers -- and develop an emotional buffer towards identifying with their "customers" than an escort will.

I'm not saying that all or even most SPs are decent people who care about their customers -- but don't for a minute assume that there aren't those amoung us who truly love what we do and care deeply about our clients.

cont'd

 

[JoyfulC]

Take out the word "only" and I'm going with "B" if forced to chose, but I tend to believe it is both...with knowledge of A) acting somewhat as the confirmation of B).

Sadly, I agree with that in part. A lot of "crazy" women do get into this business.

But is it the chicken or the egg?

With respect to escorts and bad clients, I've long had a theory: some escorts believe that all customers are sons-of-bitches who only want to use and exploit and rip off women. So when they interface with prospective clients, they treat them all as if they were guys like that.

The guys who are like that don't notice -- after all, that's what they are -- why would they object?

But those guys who are decent will find it a bit of a shock to be treated like they're like this -- and they'll probably just walk away.

So the escort who treates all clients as if they are pigs will meet more pigs than decent men.

Could it be that the opposite is true? That customers who expect all escorts to be pigs will put off those who aren't, and only be accepted by those who wouldn't find it objectionable to be treated as if they are?

I think this is how it works. Decent clients tend to gravitate to decent escorts. Pig clients tend to gravitate to pig SPs. Sorry, not very politically correct, but that's what I've come to believe, having had the chance to observe for decades.

Look - this is the bottom line. We all opt to do what we do for whatever reason we do it. However, being an SP is one of the roles in the minority that most people would opt NOT to do, pretty much no matter what.

So's proctology. So what?

Given identical circumstances and choices, most women still opt NOT to become SPs. So, in light of that, to me it says something...whatever something is...about the women who do.

And that would be what? That we chose to own our own bodies and souls, in a society in which women don't really feel that they have that right?

That we chose to look beyond the shopworn and senseless morality to help people access the bounty that nature offers them?

..c..

 

[nomos]

I would like to thank everyone who has contributed so far to this thread, and specially MLAM and JoyfulC for having given such interesting perspectives. I am not being sarcastic, I have honestly enjoyed reading the replies because they have been very thought provoking. Part of my initial intention when I started this thread was to hear people's perspectives on this issue and to benefit from their insights. Please, keep them coming.

 

[WhaWhaWha]

Nomos:

This thread and your question brings to mind a far more poignant question...
What ever happened to Maryland?

 

[Alexis696969]

Taking it home -TANGENT

I agree with Alexa on a lot of points but especially the love/hate relationship that i feel with this bizz .

.So why not become an escort!!!!! It also could become a discovery of ones self of pleasure that was never quite fullfilled in the past . So you would think this would be purfect i wouldnt be denying my needs and id be making someone just as happy with my pleasure and yet i call the shots without the pressure or control .....hey if you cant beat men join them ...........i used to have websites all over and i worked in every city but i kept it a low profile It was getting to busy and i was starting to burn out . Then you meet other escorts in this business that you think kewl another chick in the same boat ....without a blink shes stabbing you in the back (egomania starts ) the claws come out complete bullshit ! (there is the odd exception )So now you get the power to live comfortably you want to up the price to tone the bizz down (which guys hate ) but if they only knew it makes it less chaotic ! So you get some great f/s ......your on a cloud ........then all of the sudden some nasty mail or a guy is so gross of hygeine (he then is affended by your request to clean it gets dirtier ) then the next guy says inbetween the session its easy money eh you fucken hore as i straighten him out .... ...or the guy doesnt get it NOI DONT DO GREEK (i wanted to tape that seriously )ten minutes later are you sure rrrrrrrr..i then realize its never going to easy when your comparing a bought product to a bought time of a humanbeing .yet i still need to survive and i focus on the good and pretend nothing affects me so the next person doesnt think i am crazy for showing any emotion .(the fact ive tried to help 6 marriages one come out of the closet, one to get help with his deep dark secret . is only a weeks journal .

So i ponder why do i need to take off for months at a time and then return like im ready for the races ........my conclusion is that sex without anything else attached but a bill is not as simple as it seems but rather complex .So if i was to write a book youd think it would be just illustraions right? Wrong !yet its never what it seems .So im not single anymore and the sex has finally become priceless .Lots of us gals have lots to give and at the end of the day we need the real deal just like you all

 

[Vancouver Femme Fatale]

I totally take work home. Sometimes I look at all the blowjobs I've brought home in my briefcase to finish up, and I think; "Girl, you got to let it go - when's the last time you went out for a nice Sunday walk or took the dog to the beach?" It's a sad state of affairs, by God.

 

[benito]

But would he have made the same assumption about any of the other professionals I mentioned?

..c..

Maybe not, but an sp's profession is a hell of a lot more interesting than that of an accountant's or a cook's, and more mysterious too. Maybe on the Toronto Accountant Review Board the same question is being asked.

 

[Marla]

Maybe not, but an sp's profession is a hell of a lot more interesting than that of an accountant's or a cook's, and more mysterious too. Maybe on the Toronto Accountant Review Board the same question is being asked.

I like the various men I meet,all from different ages, jobs and backgrounds. It makes it interesting and I learn a lot about the world if they feel like talking. Sometimes they can be difficult, but mostly I have been lucky. I especially like helping men who's wives are critically ill, have breast cancer or some terrible illness and have been deprived for a long time. They usually feel extremely guilty for cuming out and that is when my raw emotion can surface during the session. There are a lot of widowers who are still in shock, and they can be intriguing to be with as well.

 

[train]

But would he have made the same assumption about any of the other professionals I mentioned?

..c..

Professional shoppers?

I have wondered the same in the past and I think the reason is partly the fascination with a non-mainstream occupation. Your job is physically demanding and people might wonder whether it has the added disadvantage of diminishing your private sex life. I know in my own case that if I have sex 10 days in a row the 10th time just doesn't seem as exciting - so the question posed is does this happen to sp's ? A legitimate question not meant as an insult.

And yes, I would ask Tiger Woods whether he ever plays golf just for fun .

 

[JoyfulC]

My experience has made me a subscriber of the "use it or lose it" theory.

I believe that sex is like any other form of physical activity: the more you exercise, the easier it is and the more you enjoy it. The more you look forward to it. But those who exercise infrequently don't usually find it that pleasurable and aren't ready to do it again soon.

It's a lot like when I go out to xcountry ski the first time every year. I won't bullshit you -- it's tough the first couple times every year!! (No matter how well I did the year before.) But after the first couple times, it just snaps into place and becomes easy. This can't be entirely a function of strength or stamina building. I believe it's mostly a result of technique development. Just sort of getting into a groove.

And that's what I think it is with sex too. I think those who do it enough -- and who make an intellectual commitment to it rather than just responding to biological urges -- develop a kind of ease and comfort with it to include it regularly to enhance their lives.

..c..

 

[Alexis696969]

Ya know Joyful your name really fits you well
I know lots of gals that work out at my gym and they have great bods yet there sex life sucks (not literally) (my opinion not everyone knows how to "use it ")
How many times i have heard from clients saying "i seen this girl ...her body is the bomb ...i cant believe she was the worst lay ....it was like she thought her presence of beauty meant she had to lay there and do nothing "
Johns are let down with sps even when the girl says "no you dont understand im total pro ! I only get better and better -most johns see thru all the bullshit .As much as i speak my mind most i say will be judged no different .Until people really get to see the true colors of the sp .It means ditto ..

So why not just keep counting your lucky stars that your expereinces are so professional and respectful ......but maybe i wouldnt be sharing this or concerned if by chance i didnt see a lot of this interesting world . - "use it " such as ju jitsu or other martials art to protect your business -which is you -thats your only insurance to keep your joyful attitude

Ciao


excuse my tangent up there 2 beers and im wasted LoL yeah its a cheap date but im not cheap lol

 

[RTRD]

This has been my observation...

Ya know Joyful your name really fits you well
I know lots of gals that work out at my gym and they have great bods yet there sex life sucks (not literally) (my opinion not everyone knows how to "use it ")
How many times i have heard from clients saying "i seen this girl ...her body is the bomb ...i cant believe she was the worst lay ....it was like she thought her presence of beauty meant she had to lay there and do nothing "
Johns are let down with sps even when the girl says "no you dont understand im total pro ! I only get better and better -most johns see thru all the bullshit .As much as i speak my mind most i say will be judged no different .Until people really get to see the true colors of the sp .It means ditto ..

So why not just keep counting your lucky stars that your expereinces are so professional and respectful ......but maybe i wouldnt be sharing this or concerned if by chance i didnt see a lot of this interesting world . - "use it " such as ju jitsu or other martials art to protect your business -which is you -thats your only insurance to keep your joyful attitude

Ciao


excuse my tangent up there 2 beers and im wasted LoL yeah its a cheap date but im not cheap lol

I know lots of gals that work out at my gym and they have great bods yet there sex life sucks (not literally) (my opinion not everyone knows how to "use it ")
How many times i have heard from clients saying "i seen this girl ...her body is the bomb ...i cant believe she was the worst lay ....it was like she thought her presence of beauty meant she had to lay there and do nothing "


...in "civilian" life as well...hence my repeated comments that "uber-chicks" really aren't worth the bother...