Dilemma: School test vs. family situation

[ersa3]

Hi. I am attending a post-secondary institution in Toronto and like many other students, my semester finals are scheduled for next week. I may not be able to write my tests as there is a possibility (I hate to think there is such a possibility, but I have to be realistic) that my dad’s bypass surgery does not go well (scheduled for Thursday). I informed the coordinator of one of the courses I am taking about the possibility that I may not be able to attend the test on the scheduled date. This particular course is of great interest to me and I want to do well in this course. I am told, and I do understand and agree with the established procedure, requiring a note from the doctor, showing/proving that indeed my dad is sick or (worse)... dead, to use this person’s words (sigh). After meeting with this person today to discuss this matter (and review a previous test), I sent to her the following message as a follow-up to our conversation and a previous correspondence about this particular matter, message she had not replied to at that point.

“RE: Test on (date): I do not believe I can obtain the documentation you are requesting. My parents reside (…) far from the hospital where my father has been admitted… and should he not be making it through this procedure, I may very well see him at the funeral (not the hospital) … Therefore, I do not believe I will be meeting with one of the doctors (incl. specialists) he has been seeing for his care. I understand you need documentation… I may have to take the course again then, which is fine by me. I will not miss my father’s funeral for a test… Anyone would agree that it would be a legitimate thing to do: to pay my last respects to an extraordinary person, so important in my life.

Then again everything might turn fine and he might go back home post-operatively, making sure he is recuperating from the surgery and reaching a level of comfort and homeostasis.

I will pray for that.”

I would like some advice from you guys on this.. Am I overreacting??...







My apologies if my English is not the greatest, by the way

ersa

 

[stinkynuts]

No need to apologize, your English is flawless. You are not over-reacting by any means. When you are on the verge of losing the most important person in your life, that is almost impossible.

I'm very sorry to hear of your father's condition, and it's unfortunate your father will have to undergo the operation during finals. I'm sure it will be very difficult for you, but I hope you somehow manage to make it through.

Of course, it would be wrong to miss your father's funeral for an exam. But I am sure that it would be best if, god forbid, he does not make it through the surgery, that you obtain some kind of proof so that you can take a make-up exam. This would save you so much time and money. Also, having several F's on your transcript does not look good. Nobody knows the real story behind those F's, and you will put yourself in a situation where you will have to always explain them.

I do not know what the odds of success are, but I do think the odds are on his side. Be there for him and spend the next few days with him as if they were your last. I wish you and your father the very best.

 

[a 1 player]

First off, I hope everything works out well for you brother.

That being said, fuck school. Spend the time with your family if you can. In my experiences, should there be tragic circumstances (god forbid), you have given them ample notice, and a letter afterwards should be accepted. Modern medicine is nothing short of a miracle nowadays, bypass surgeries are daily occurances. I am sure everything will work out alright. Peace.

 

[Jade4u]

I really feel for you when it comes to making diffucult decisions especially one like this that includes your future life and the life of one you care so deeply for. All the best to you and your father. If there is anyway you can get the papers that the school is requesting I suggest that you do that even if it gives you a little more of a challenge to do so. Is there no other next of kin you have that could mail them to you? I understand this is not the time to tell your father of your difficulties in this matter either.

 

[C Dick]

You can appeal just about anything at university or college. Even if you blow off the exams with no advance warning, as long as you go back with some proof from a doctor, or something like that, you can appeal and they will likely give you your own exam to write, or base your final mark on your term work. Just be humble and have a previously good record and you should be fine. Hopefully. Good luck.

 

[Coach]

As C Dick said, be with your family. After the fact you can try and get the necessary paperwork, if not then you may fail. Very unfortunate, but in the grand scheme, it is a small price to pay to be with your father in these circumstances. I have several degrees, and have experienced similar situations. Every institution has provisons for family emergencies. I suspect they are giving you a hard time to be sure that your crisis is real. Many students come up with creative excuses to get out of exams.
When you graduate, no one asks what your marks were.
Good luck.

 

[papasmerf]

Family First

If you have to repeat a class because you did the right thing. This is a small price to pay. You could likely audit it next time it comes around and then take the exam.

 

[Keebler Elf]

The problem with your situation stems from the fact that so many students today abuse the process, resulting in instructors/profs not knowing who to trust and who not to. Thus, the requirement for a note. You can always get the note from a doctor (or even a nurse) after the fact. I'm sure they would understand your situation. But I agree you shouldn't let your schoolwork interfere with a serious family illness.

But that's not to say missing the test doesn't have ramifications; this is one of life's tough decisions. Do you miss the test and potentially re-take the course, or do you support your family? I think the choice is pretty obvious and if that means retaking a silly little course, then that's what I'd be prepared to do.

I know from firsthand experience that many, many, MANY students lie, cheat, deceive and do it chronically to avoid tests/papers/exams. I know of one student in particular who would systematically come up with an excuse for EVERY test/paper/exam and get all of them delayed. In short, people like her make it tougher on the rest of us.

I'm sure there's a life lesson in here somewhere. And while I truly sympathize with your situation, I can also totally understand why the instructor/institution would want some kind of evidence from you to back up your situation. It may be harsh, but it's the education environment we live in today.

Hope all goes well with your father.

 

[stalemate6]

family first!

"We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies." ~Shirley Abbott


my prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

[shakenbake]

Your family come first. Be there for your Dad! I regret that I was told too late that mine had died and that I could not tell him at the end how much he meant to me, despite all the crap that oftentimes goes on in a disfunctional family. You have the opportunity to be there with your Dad, don't lose it!

My prayers are with you and your Dad. You can always petition any decision made by the school. Please PM me where you are attending. I once taught at one of these places.

shakenbake