Dear Abby,

[BULLRYDER]

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on
me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs
up. She has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although
when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work,
you don't know them.

I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I
usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with
her, I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but
last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my hockey equipment so I
could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from
a night out with 'the girls.' When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, and she
took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at
that moment, crouching behind my hockey gear, that I noticed a hairline crack where the blade meets the graphite shaft on my new one piece hockey stick. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?

Please Advise,
Pete

 

[Manat33]

Roflmao!

Dear Pete,

It depends on the brand, make, and time since you purchased your one piece graphite stick. Usually, you'll have to send in your stick with original receipt at your expense. Upon inspection, if they determine that the damage was due to manufacture defect, they will send it back at their expense. If they determine that it was due to neglect, then you're 'SOL'.

Please send pics of said wife, and number.

Hope that helps,

Terbie,
Abby (from Mirage?) is busy right now.

 

[Cycleguy007]

Then there's this one...

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a lady from next door making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila xxx


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter

 

[Berlin]

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, and she
took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at
that moment, crouching behind my hockey gear, that I noticed ....

L O L .

Good one.