Dating and sexual dysfunction advice needed

A

a 1 player

Smells like manly roses.
Feb 24, 2004
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TERB gentlemen (and women), I come here to this motley crue of people to seek your wisdom and knowledge about a couple of questions. I have chosen this culturally diverse crowd because I feel I will get the most forthright, if not sarcastic answers. (Not to mention there is a certain amount of anonimity here).

So here it goes.........

I have recently started dating a woman who is totally rocking my world. Horray for me!!! But there are problems (with me), that are rightly fucking my mind up in the largest kind of way.

The woman I am dating is so far out of my league it's insane. Don't get me wrong here, I have a decent esteem, but at the same time I know the women I have been dating over the years. This woman is university educated, has a great job, a really cool down to earth personality, and no attitude at all. Actually, she is very humble. Think Kristen from Roommates in terms of looks and body.

I on the other hand am balding, greying, and overweight, just your run of the mill average hard working Canadian stiff. Not that this should have any bearing on the situation. lol. The cool part is that I know she really digs me. We talk for hours on the phone, she just spent 3 days at my house, and we both had a great time. I asked her "why me?", and she gave me the reasons. I make her laugh, I'm real, I listen and take interest in her, I did not appear to want to sleep with her right off the start, and a lot of other reasons. Also, she said that she has been dating the wrong type of guys for years, and just wants a normal, nice genuine dude. And it just so happens this dude is me. By her words and actions I genuinely believe her.

So Horray for me right? I mean, to me this is kind of like winning the girlfriend lottery.

So here are the problems......

1) I just can't wrap my fucking head around this.
2) We made love 5 times over the weekend and I could only come once. She told me she did several times, and that she was totally content, but no matter how we tried, I just could not do it. Fucking piss me off. (sorry about the frustrations). Though it usually takes me a long time to come, each time here I have been going solid for over an hour, am always on the edge, but just can't seem to push myself over the cliff.
3) Deep in the back of my mind I have this feeling I can't live up to her past experiences. People, I am really fighting this one hard.

So I guess the question is this. What the hell should I do? I mean, I really, REALLY do not want to fuck this one up, as she might be THE ONE.

Thanks in advance people.
 
There is no such thing as a women that is out of your league. Women choose who they enjoy spending time with. If she likes you, she likes you. The is no accounting for taste.

Bald, btw, is often a condition of high levels of testosterone.

As for the not getting off part, the vast majority of sex happens between the ears. It sounds like you are over analysing the situation and worrying about a problem that does not exist.

Stop worrying, just enjoy. Stop putting limits on yourself.

If you are that worried about being overweight, start exercising.
 
a 1 player said:
1) I just can't wrap my fucking head around this.
2) We made love 5 times over the weekend and I could only come once. She told me she did several times, and that she was totally content, but no matter how we tried, I just could not do it. Fucking piss me off. (sorry about the frustrations). Though it usually takes me a long time to come, each time here I have been going solid for over an hour, am always on the edge, but just can't seem to push myself over the cliff.
3) Deep in the back of my mind I have this feeling I can't live up to her past experiences. People, I am really fighting this one hard.
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1) I was in a similar situation and dude, you better get used to it or you will go nuts and drive her away. One thing too that you will have to get used to is (if she is as hot as you say she is) other guys flirting with her and hitting on her. If she's with you, she's with you.
2) So you only came once...what's the big deal? Do you think that sex begins and ends with your orgasms? As long as you made her happy physically, had a good time doing it, so fucking what? I have a saying: sometimes you will come and I won't. Sometimes I will come and you won't and sometimes we will come together, that's life!!!!
3) Don't fight it. EVERYONE has a past and a future and why not just enjoy the present (cuz that's exactly what she is, a PRESENT only without the fancy wrapping paper and ribbon).

Think of it this way: are you better off WITH her in your life or WITHOUT her?

Number one piece of advice is to fucking RELAX. Just lay back and enjoy the ride because life is too short not to.
 
Sounds perfect......she likes you for you....that is great...I mean we all search for a woman who accepts us for us...

She was honest with you about what she likes.........you!

As for the sex part.......yah...it is alot to do with the brain...but maybe in the back of your head you are focused on her pleasure and making it all the best for her.....you are putting your self second for a change...not first...very noble.......

Maybe you are getting pleasure from the act and not the finish......and I bet the finish was one of the best in a long time........

Go with it....do not worry about it......relax...have fun...enjoy her company in and out of bed like you are doing......
 
Attraction -> Obsession -> Destruction

Don't fall in the trap of overreaction.
Be yourself, let it go, and if it breaks up then so be it. Having this behavior will relax you and let you be more empathic towards her.

As a matter of fact, women like a hard man as they can come more often. When a man comes, it's often the end... so consider that you have a plus here.
 
I think the biggest mistake men can make is to consider women on a higher or lower level than they are. You look down on women and they'll surprise you with an ass kicking, you look up to women and they'll surprise you with just how messed up they can be.

I say count whatever blessings you feel you have and don't give it another thought. I mean hell, I know scores of women who's seemingly only requirement for dating a guy is that he's an asshole, cause I've spent a lifetime listening to women complain about their asshole boyfriends.
 
Question - do you have any trouble cumming by yourself? If not, it's all in your head (upper head).
 
I'd say that with heavy hobbiest there are probably many that have similar problems. I admit that sometimes I have to step in and give the girl a hand so to speak. I think the important part is to talk to her about it and reassure her that it's not her. I had a GF who was pretty upset and took it personally.

I went to doctors (found nothing wrong physiologically with me), I read books (well tried to there's little info on this topic), a doctor prescribed a drug but when I read up on it I found no literature on its use for this problem (I think the doc was grasping at straws), in the end I settled on BBBJ with hands as the best method for my partners to try get me off.

The advice about if you have this problem by yourself is key.

Also, consider are there certain acts/positions etc that work better for you than others? If so focus on those.

It's tough to tell yourself to just relax so working through what is stressing you out is important.

Best of luck, obviously she sees good qualities in you so enjoy the moment too many people worry about the past and the future and miss out on the good stuff.

Cheezy I know but I think it's true.
 
It 's all inn your mind. Just relax and do not think.
May be give yourself a break from sex and then jump back in with all balls firing :D
 
A 1 Player:

I am thinking "Make Over Story" here, to boost your self esteem. Get a new haircut, facial, the whole nine yards to make yourself feel better.

Not being able to release during intercourse is in your mind from the way you described the situation.

Good luck, and congrats. I hope you don't blow it with this jackpot of a gf. LOL No pun intentended!!
 
a 1 player said:
The woman I am dating is so far out of my league it's insane...
So here are the problems......

2) We made love 5 times over the weekend and I could only come once. She told me she did several times, and that she was totally content, but no matter how we tried, I just could not do it. ...always on the edge, but just can't seem to push myself over the cliff...
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I was once in such a situation, although it was at a younger stage of life it was an otherwise simillar crossroads and "out-of-league" scenario. (Get this: her previous year's fling was the CalvinKlein underwear boy whose chissled jawbones and carved torso were postered on half the bilboards and bus shelters in the downtown core...)

During intimacy there were myriad pressures acting on me. On one hand there was incredible anticipation and excitement - I dreamt of her, the very thought of IT almost made me cum. I told myself it could never happen, but now I had her!

On the other hand was the awesome pressure to live up to the responsibility and privelage of pleasing this Godess who was more experienced and adventurous than me - knowing that she could have her pick of A-list studs to take my place at the snap of her fingers.

The results were extreme: Often I did not ejaculate at all, while sometimes times I 'd explode within a minute of being inside any part of her.

I didn't mind my non-ejaculation. I was determined to last as long as she needed me for, and to prolong and savour my sensations as much as possible. The sustained shared pleasure was more valuable than a release, I could always relieve myself the next morning anyway.

Initially she had no problem with it either. She was happy to have an unyielding boner to use however she wanted until she was finished. But later on she started wanting to choreograph detailed scenarious - wanting me to cum with her and gush on her butt or chest - she got impatient if it didn't happen on cue.

3) Deep in the back of my mind I have this feeling I can't live up to her past experiences...So I guess the question is this. What the hell should I do?
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Actually, if you are lasting as long as you say, then your performance is probably scoring points for you and keept you in the game long enough to grow on her.

As long as she isn't hung up seeing you blow your load, just keep up the good work. Maybe your stamina is helping her overlook the fact that you might not be the physical or financial specimen she would normally feel she deserves?

If you are not in any discomfort from not ejaculating, just leave it alone and enjoy the intensity of being kept at the brink. When the feelings of awe and unworthiness wear off and you focus on pleasing and watching her, the sights and sounds of her getting off will probably push you over the edge more often.
 
Good points HI and I was just about to write "damn, being able to last so long, she probably thinks you're a GOD" lol.

BTW: since you'll be using condoms for the next year and she feels it is a problem you not cumming, you could always fake it. Not like women haven't been doing THAT for years themselves....

BTW: I was also in a situation where I basically worshipped this woman. She knew it and not blatantly mind you, but I feel she used this to get her way on more than one occasion. What fucked up the situation was I was helping her move and came across some REALLY trashy nude pics of her an ex had taken. She got really pissed that I saw them and how it changed my "image" of her: now she wasn't a princess in my mind, she was just a chick like all the others. It isn't that I didn't love her as much, it's just that those pics knocked her off the pedestal I put her on.

Just remember: everyone has their faults, flaws and insecurities, EVERYONE. She isn't any better, or worse than you.
 
weddoes said:
HOMO!!!

A1, watch out for this one, he seems a little too eager to see you made over, if you know what I mean! ;)
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LMAO I should have put a no homo disclaimer on that comment. The point I was trying to make is that A1 could use the self esteem boost to take some pressure off his shoulders; whatever source (means) the self esteem boost comes from is up to him.
 
BTW I hear men not ejaculating is like the new black. The ultimate power trip!
 
Not ejaculating can be a medical problem, I would get it checked out to make sure nothing is wrong. It can also be caused by medications such as anti-depressants.
 
a 1 player said:
1) I just can't wrap my fucking head around this.
2) We made love 5 times over the weekend and I could only come once. She told me she did several times, and that she was totally content, but no matter how we tried, I just could not do it. Fucking piss me off. (sorry about the frustrations). Though it usually takes me a long time to come, each time here I have been going solid for over an hour, am always on the edge, but just can't seem to push myself over the cliff.
3) Deep in the back of my mind I have this feeling I can't live up to her past experiences. People, I am really fighting this one hard.

So I guess the question is this. What the hell should I do? I mean, I really, REALLY do not want to fuck this one up, as she might be THE ONE.

Thanks in advance people.
Click to expand...

I suggest that you start by not worrying about what you can't control.

Also, be happy with what you CAN do and have done... like make her come. Many guys have girls that can't come or the guys themselves just don't have the chemistry to get her to come.

You made her come 5 times... that's GOOD. You came only once but were still able to get hard to do it 5 times... that's still GOOD.

The only real problem is you're being too hard on yourself by setting the performance bar too high.

And remember... there are guys who have trouble getting hard and other guys who come in 5 seconds. So while you might not have the total control of a porn star (cumming on cue), that doesn't matter. You're obviously doing enough right things to make her happy.
 
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