Dating advice needed -- aggressive mode?

[shawnbg]

actually i tested that ... for awhile i was into dating beautiful women, and my theory was they were all lonely. so i would just walk right up to them and talk to them .. like they were just ordinary folks ... I never hit on them, never flattered them or told them they were beautiful .... it actually worked very well when i laid my cards on the table .. even when it came to sex.

This is more what I believe. I think most guys sterotype good looking women as stuck up, unattainable bitches and therefore lack the confidence to talk to or hit on beatiful women. Because of this, many beautiful ladies are lonely and date even less then the average looking ones.

* Hot gorgeous women do NOT get hit on all the time. Most guys think she already has a man, and assume she would not be interested in an average looking guy, so actually we often get ignored.
* I myself avoid good looking guys as they tend to be egoistic asses. Manners, charm, humor and a comfortable income are far more important than good looks or even good sex, because eventually the penis will falter, then conversation is crucial!
* Counting notches of conquests is no measure of manhood, I'd rather be with a 30 year old virgin with principles and standards than a club hopping free-ho fucker......
* I'd rather be with an honest to goodness married hobbyist rather than said club vermin.....

So, you agree that most men stereotype good looking women, but then do the same thing by stereotyping good looking men as "egoistic vermin"? Interesting.

 

[Svend]

Selina, would you consider yourself a high maintenance woman that requires attention and pampering from her man?
I'm not trying to be rude, but that seems to be the stereotype of a gorgeous gal. Should it be shot down?

 

[superquad1968]

The only breasts I have are man-breasts but...

Like all stereotypes yes it should be shot down.

 

[RTRD]

All due respect...but...

..

I'd rather be with an honest to goodness married hobbyist rather than said club vermin.....

Life is not all about 'relationships' anyway

...those two statements, along with your chosen profession, indicate that your POV and way of thinking are hardly reprsentative of the VAST majority of women.

I mean, I am willing to bet LARGE SUMS of money that you'd have a hard time finding one in ten women who would say "I would rather be with a guy who cheats on his wife and sees prostitutes" than ANY single guy. I also think the odds would be only slightly better to find a woman who would agree that she saw no value in relationships. She might not be interested in one NOW...but never?

Again, all due respect, but I don't think a woman who makes her living seeing guys like "Stinky Nuts" is the best source of dating advice for him to meet women who are NOT like yourself...smoking hot appearance not withstanding.

 

[RTRD]

Actually...

for awhile i was into dating beautiful women, and my theory was they were all lonely ... so i would just walk right up to them and talk to them .. like they were just ordinary folks ... I never hit on them, never flattered them or told them they were beautiful .... it actually worked very well when i laid my cards on the table .. even when it came to sex.

I would ask them about things, and just generally try and find something to like beside their appearance. Usually I'd find something in their personalities to like. Sincerity is the key: Women have terrific bullshit detectors. It's amazing what you can get away with if you can appear sincere doing it.

i stopped pursing them because i got bored digging around for something to like. It - and they - got to be boring .. and here I'm tempted to say 'like most women', except it would be more accurate to say .. 'like most people'.

you know after years and years of making small talk with women and pursuing them, and romancing them and charming them and making them laugh, it's all come down to ... ' Hi I'm Rocky, I like this and that and the other thing ... ' within 30 words or less. Some appreciate that kind of brevity and honesty, some don't. But I try not to waste anybody's time, esecially mine.

i would agree with virtually all of this, but again...are we to assume you started off with uber chicks, or worked your way up to them?

Remember, the orginal poster said he is 30 years old, never had a GF, and admits to being shy and lacking confidence.

I didn't formulate my opinions in a vacuum - I've dated some uber-chicks as well, back when I was an athlete and a hell of a lot more fit than I am now. Of all of them I met one who was intelligent and interesting enough that I was actually glad to know her as a person. And even she shared some common characteristics as the rest - high maintenence, self absorbed (at times) and in general not worth the effort.

That one girl was memorable...great looking (actually competed in a well known national beauty pagent), really smart, and great fun to hang around...so long as she was getting her way. In fact - that is how we met...her BF...who she was cheating on with me...wasn't coming around often enough for her liking, having started a new job and all that. So, rather than work things out with him or at least try to be understanding, she just picked up some dick on the side.

The others I don't even remember...save for one. A single date - she spent the entire evening playing withher hair and running her mouth but saying literally nothing. At he end of dinner i took her stright home and dropped her off, despite her subtle protests that she wanted to have more fun (and hints that she would show me a good time later). She just wasn't worth the effort...and I wasn't that desperate for a peice of ass.

In closing, I would agree with what you are saying and would offer more advice to "Stinky Nuts" with this summary - Tell a woman what she isn't used to hearing. If she is gorgeous, avoid flattery regarding her looks...she's heard it. Tell her she is interesting and smart. If she is kinda average looking, tell her you love something about her appearance. Don't say "you are beautiful" because she knows she isn't. But find something you like...her eyes is my favorite...and focus on that. "You have the warmest eyes...friendly...sincere" has worked for me in the past...

 

[Vancouver Femme Fatale]

Hot gorgeous women do NOT get hit on all the time. Most guys think she already has a man, and assume she would not be interested in an average looking guy, so actually we often get ignored.

You hit it there, Selina! When I'm on my way to catch a cab going to a gig or am just looking good out shopping or whatever, I get checked out like crazy but nobody *ever* strikes up a conversation. I'm quite a friendly gal; I ask people about their dogs and kids, talk about the weather in store line-ups, etc., so I don't think I look unfriendly.

About the only time guys will friendly up even a little is when I'm wearing my glasses, my hair's in a quick ponytail, and I'm in b-boy jeans and a t-shirt buying cat food or something at London Drugs! The only reason I can really figure is that my neighbourhood is essentially Robson Street, and it has a rep for super snotty girls. I swear to God, the only civie guys I talk to are the guys at the hardware store, Blockbuster, and London Drugs, and only because I broke the ice asking for help about something.

Then again, I'm not really looking for anybody, so maybe I have the "I'm taken" look or something. Anyways, not sure if I have a point, just thought I'd chime in.

 

[oral.com]

I mean, I am willing to bet LARGE SUMS of money that you'd have a hard time finding one in ten women who would say "I would rather be with a guy who cheats on his wife and sees prostitutes" than ANY single guy.

As a married guy I hope to believe she understands that we would rather stay true to our family and relationships, and seek relief for our sexual needs in the least hurtful manner possible. Although rather twisted the integrity of an honest relationship is preserved.

To stay true to this thread I do not believe the aggressive approach will work.
You need to develop confidence and charm.
Do develop confidence never approach any women with an agenda unless your both drunk. Women have wants and needs that are the same as ours, they want to be told they are special, they want to feel respected they want to feel good. Get to know them, if they like you believe me they will give you a signal that cannot be misread.

 

[Geographic]

Book

There is a book that came out in September about Pick up artists who have a lingo all to themselves. I bought the book but since I was dating two girls at once I lent it to a friend and not gotten it back. From what I read in it, there seems to be alot of advice in there that makes sense and if the techniques are used properly, and you play the numbers, you should get some action.

THe book is called The Game: Undercover in the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists.

THere is a whole bit on techniques on how to pick up hot women as well.

You can get it from Chapters Indigo over the net for $30.00

 

[havingfun]

Get to know them, if they like you believe me they will give you a signal that cannot be misread.

Lots of good advice in this thread - especially from MLAM. And oral.com has a point - ultimately, you will not be choosing a woman, she will be choosing you - your job is to make her want to make that choice.

I will add that when you do start dating - don't invest too heavily in the early relationships. You haven't done any dating and once you start you might be inclined to think that you should invest everything in those early relationships, given the drought that you have been through. Give it time, play the field, if you commit too early you will miss out on a lot of the fun.

 

[frankcastle]

Wow certainly a lot of people have thoughts on this topic. Not that I'm surprised, just at how many posts have been made since the thread showed up at 12 or 1 am.

I will say one thing about hobbying is that having been in many a SC and MP I've had a lot of conversations and I found that those skills transferred over to my day to day interactions with other women.

I'm single and I've gone from having no dates to dating maybe 3 or 4 women a year. Definitely nothing to brag about but I'm happy that I'm out there meeting women who I'm not paying by the hour.

My point is that you shouldn't feel the need to be an ultrastud who's banging every girl he meets.... chances are you just aren't that guy otherwise you'd be doing that right now.

Just get out there and give it a try. I think the original poster wasn't going for aggresive but perhaps the word he was looking for was proactive? No matter what the results he'll probably feel better about himself if he is taking control of the situation instead of sitting passively as life goes by. Best of luck Stinky!

 

[RTRD]

You meet a woman who thinks this way....

As a married guy I hope to believe she understands that we would rather stay true to our family and relationships, and seek relief for our sexual needs in the least hurtful manner possible. Although rather twisted the integrity of an honest relationship is preserved.

...and I will show you a woman who cheats in her realtionship...and who will cheat on YOU.

I guess I'm somewhat lost however - if you are married AND seeing escorts...for what reason would you want to date as well?? Are we saying that this is a scneario whre you are now divorced and you are trying to explain why you saw escorts in the past?

I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine a woman who would say "Oh, you were not only cheating on your wife, but you were cheating with prostitutes, and putting your wife at risk (because I doubt if women are goign to be very patient or understanding about covered versus uncovered or any other non-sense), but that is all ok with me. Wanna be a couple?