couples counselling with a diagnostic component?

[mandrill]

A female friend of mine is in a relationship with a guy who seems a little strange. She describes him as extremely jealous, quick tempered, high stress. He's a successful businessman, but seems less able in his personal life. The relationship is marred by continual fighting and break ups and she seems to be the one who makes all the compromises.

To give some of the flavour, I ran into her last weekend and we chatted for a while on the street. Just shooting the shit like old friends. When I got home, I had two very weird voicemails from the guy, essentially ranting and not-quite-threatening me. He called me a piece of shit and her a two-bit stinking whore. He then phoned the cops and attempted to have me charged with the crime of "chatting to his girlfriend". The cops simply cautioned the guy against doing anything silly and told him to calm down.

She reconciled with him the next day and told me he seems a 'little volatile" but is basically a good guy. This is not an isolated incident with this couple.

I want to bail on the situation and get as far away from it as I can. But I thought I should recommend my friend that they go to couples' counselling with a diagnostic element, as I think he probably suffers from low end clinical paranoia.

Is there such a service and if so, can I get some recs? The guy is loaded and can certainly pay.

 

[Cassini]

Run ...

 

[oldjones]

Don't you get to call the cops on him if every innocent chat gets harassing phone-calls? He's off the rails, and attention must be paid. 4Tees is right about the poor success rate for therapy of the unwilling, but that shouldn't stop your friend from seeking insight into him and her attraction to him. An
d that would be wise counsel to offer.

 

[TGirl Nikki]

This doesn't sound like a relationship problem, it sounds like a man with serious issues, and those issues are affecting the relationship. I don't think that most couples counsellors would diagnose one half of the couple, they're mostly interested in identifying problems in the relationship and working to resolve those problems. He might have fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder ten years ago, but most psychologists aren't using that term anymore... I personally believe that the entire diagnostic model is inherently flawed, and diagnostics are only based on consensus-driven discussions that mostly just appease the huge egos you'll find at the APA... diagnosis itself is meaningless if it doesn't inform the therapists and clients on ways to treat the condition, so it's usually just an empty label that rarely fixes anything on its own.

Regardless, do you know the most common number of sessions that most clients will have with any given therapist? One. Most clients only show up for one visit, usually because someone in their lives asked them to, and then they never come back for so much as a follow-up. It has nothing to do with ability to pay, and everything to do with their desire to undergo therapy, and a lack of interest in the process. Studies have shown time and again that therapy is only effective when the person believes that it can work for them, and that they have some need for it to help improve their lives. This guy is a long way from that point, so any suggestions will fall on deaf ears.

I'm sure it sucks seeing this happen to a friend of yours, but as 4tees correctly pointed out, the best bet is for her to see a therapist on her own. If he doesn't want to change his behaviours, even the best therapist in town can't create motivation for change in someone who doesn't already have it themselves.

Sorry to hear about this ugly situation, and I hope we don't end up reading about it in the papers someday...

 

[Kyra.Graves]

You could certainly pass on the link for WCREC to her - it's not going to help him with a diagnosis but it might be a little less threatening to him if she begins counselling solo and they will provide referrals to the type of therapist or group that might best suit her needs. http://www.wcrec.org/
Also if she is at risk at all they will provide her with numbers for emergency services which unfortunately might come in handy one day.

 

[red]

i would off her refuge. she needs to get away from this guy before its too late

 

[great bear]

Put his real name on terb that he is seeking a strapon boy/girl relationship.

 

[james t kirk]

A female friend of mine is in a relationship with a guy who seems a little strange. She describes him as extremely jealous, quick tempered, high stress. He's a successful businessman, but seems less able in his personal life. The relationship is marred by continual fighting and break ups and she seems to be the one who makes all the compromises.

To give some of the flavour, I ran into her last weekend and we chatted for a while on the street. Just shooting the shit like old friends. When I got home, I had two very weird voicemails from the guy, essentially ranting and not-quite-threatening me. He called me a piece of shit and her a two-bit stinking whore. He then phoned the cops and attempted to have me charged with the crime of "chatting to his girlfriend". The cops simply cautioned the guy against doing anything silly and told him to calm down.

She reconciled with him the next day and told me he seems a 'little volatile" but is basically a good guy. This is not an isolated incident with this couple.

I want to bail on the situation and get as far away from it as I can. But I thought I should recommend my friend that they go to couples' counselling with a diagnostic element, as I think he probably suffers from low end clinical paranoia.

Is there such a service and if so, can I get some recs? The guy is loaded and can certainly pay.

Usually you're one of the brighter bulbs on TERB, but this time, someone cut the power on you.

Tell your friend to get the fuck away from this nutbar. Run, don't walk.

I don't care if he's usually "a good guy". The fact is that he is a nut, and a control FREAK. If she is your friend as you say, I don't see how you could advise her to see a councilor, unless it's the legal kind (which I thought you were a lawyer).

I know that couples have their issues from time to time and flying off the handle definitely happens, but this sounds like a regular occurance with this guy. He's a man of extremes. I'm not a shrink by any means, I'm sure that the professionals would have all sorts of labels to stick to this guy's forehead, but to me, he's dangerous. Simple as that. Any guy who calls you up and rants and raves at you and calls his GF names to you (hope you saved those voicemails for the murder trial) is not hitting on all 8 cylinders. Clearly twisted to me.

 

[Kenny-sauga]

Sorry Ooagre, no pun intended...but you gotta save that girl You and her seem good pals...here is what I read today and can't stop relating it to you!!

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you are a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, you have a great resume, you have all the qualification we are looking for, but we are not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis of comparison for all other applicants. But, we are going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if this does not work out, we will hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we have hired.

 

[fmahovalich]

My question....

How did he know you were chattin her up????

Was he stalking her...or you?
(A criminal offence)

Does he have GPS on her phone (surreptisously)??
(A criminal Offence)

Does he harass you more than once by telephone? Several Times? Criminal Harassment
(A criminal offence)

He is likely on TERB..and having trouble coping

 

[mandrill]

Usually you're one of the brighter bulbs on TERB, but this time, someone cut the power on you.

Tell your friend to get the fuck away from this nutbar. Run, don't walk.

I don't care if he's usually "a good guy". The fact is that he is a nut, and a control FREAK. If she is your friend as you say, I don't see how you could advise her to see a councilor, unless it's the legal kind (which I thought you were a lawyer).

I know that couples have their issues from time to time and flying off the handle definitely happens, but this sounds like a regular occurrence with this guy. He's a man of extremes. I'm not a shrink by any means, I'm sure that the professionals would have all sorts of labels to stick to this guy's forehead, but to me, he's dangerous. Simple as that. Any guy who calls you up and rants and raves at you and calls his GF names to you (hope you saved those voicemails for the murder trial) is not hitting on all 8 cylinders. Clearly twisted to me.

She's enamoured of him. He's good looking. Rich. Drives a great car. Owns his own company. Is one of Canada's up and coming entrepreneurs. And is worth a couple of mill. She's found Mr Romance and is in total denial that he is a maniac.

And yup, saved the vm's and intend to play the one where he calls her a whore and hopes she "sucks my loser, ugly ass" to her if she ever comes over for coffee.

My strategy is to get her to see that he is clinical and not just a "great guy under a lot of stress" and to try and prompt her to walk out on him.