Where the hell does it come from?
I know the standard answers... encouragement from parents and teachers, an assortment of small successes, etc. But sometimes, it seems that some people are just born with confidence. Sometimes its a general overall confidence and others it's confidence in certain abilities.
Example: I have 2 daughters. My oldest seems to have been born with absolute confidence in her academic/mental abilities. From about the age of 3, it was clear that she 'knew' she was the smartest person in any room. To this day it is clear that, while she may not know as much as people that are older or have more experience than her, she knows that she can easily learn and figure those things out. She is respectful but not intimidated by anyone in this area. On the other hand, in areas such as social skills (making friends and dealing with bullies) and physical abilities (competitive sports), she is less sure of herself and judges herself more harshly than necessary.
My youngest daughter is exactly the opposite. She is probably just as smart as my oldest but lacks confidence in that area and considers herself to be average. On the other hand, she is overly confident in both social situations and athletics. She just inherently believes that she is a leader and naturally takes on that role.
I don't think that I've done anything to instill this confidence, or lack of confidence, in my kids but it's there and, as you would expect, it acts like a self fulfilling prophecy. My oldest gets better and better at academics and my youngest gets better and better at sports.
After spending some time with my new SO's kids and talking with her about it, we've noticed the same kind of thing with them.
I guess it comes back to the nature vs. nurture debate and I know that it's always a combination of the two. I just find it fascinating how these things reveal themselves.
I know the standard answers... encouragement from parents and teachers, an assortment of small successes, etc. But sometimes, it seems that some people are just born with confidence. Sometimes its a general overall confidence and others it's confidence in certain abilities.
Example: I have 2 daughters. My oldest seems to have been born with absolute confidence in her academic/mental abilities. From about the age of 3, it was clear that she 'knew' she was the smartest person in any room. To this day it is clear that, while she may not know as much as people that are older or have more experience than her, she knows that she can easily learn and figure those things out. She is respectful but not intimidated by anyone in this area. On the other hand, in areas such as social skills (making friends and dealing with bullies) and physical abilities (competitive sports), she is less sure of herself and judges herself more harshly than necessary.
My youngest daughter is exactly the opposite. She is probably just as smart as my oldest but lacks confidence in that area and considers herself to be average. On the other hand, she is overly confident in both social situations and athletics. She just inherently believes that she is a leader and naturally takes on that role.
I don't think that I've done anything to instill this confidence, or lack of confidence, in my kids but it's there and, as you would expect, it acts like a self fulfilling prophecy. My oldest gets better and better at academics and my youngest gets better and better at sports.
After spending some time with my new SO's kids and talking with her about it, we've noticed the same kind of thing with them.
I guess it comes back to the nature vs. nurture debate and I know that it's always a combination of the two. I just find it fascinating how these things reveal themselves.
