Canucks player on leave after sexual misconduct allegation
The woman has spoken to Glacier Media and has identified the individual as Vancouver Canucks forward Jake Virtanen, 24.
Canucks player on leave after sexual misconduct allegation
- Thread starter rogerdodger
- Start date
Do the(no longer) children believe they were molested? all the media hype never seems to get closer to the truth...
He is suspended while it’s investigated. If he was guilty then it would be much more than just suspended from playing. He’s still getting paid.
Thats the way that it works now.
Thats the way that it works now.
Sexual misconduct from a 20 year old? Rookie mistake. Why 4 years later? Tales grow in the telling and lawyers have been gearing up ever since Bill Cosby. A lawyer will allege almost anything is he can bill hours or get a big enough cut at the end...
This is long - sorry in advance.
I can tell you as a rape survivor, it can take years, even decades to come to terms with the assault. Just like DV. It takes time to deal with the emotional trauma.
Guys are not as emotional as women. We all know this and maybe this is why it is hard for guys to understand the emotional impact of an assault, especially sexual assault.
Most of you know me as a very independent woman and yet during my time as a member on this very board, I was raped by a person I know.
I never went to the police because there was no point. It would be my word against his, I would have to re-live the assault over and over again by retelling over and over. I would be grilled in cross-examination if it went to court and I would be shamed in court as well as with cops for being a sex worker even though this had nothing to do with my sex work, but he would tell everyone and could even use it to blackmail me into dropping charges. The threat to tell my neighbours has happened to me before.
So I called the rape crisis center instead and got therapy. This is the first I'm talking about it outside of therapy since it happened.
And yet I'm a strong independent woman who stands against sexual assault. I'm a fighter and I didn't fight him. I'm not usually afraid of anything and yet fear strangled me in this. And none of you knew or would have even had any clue that 2 years ago I was raped and have been dealing with that trauma since then.
It was my dirty little secret. People in my life didn't know and some people I know, still talk to him with no clue he is a rapist. They think he is a good guy, good job, good looking, shouldn't need to rape a woman. He is, on the outside, the alpha male many try to emulate.
I say all this because I am stronger then most. This only took 2 years of my life. This type of assault could take a life away completely from some other women. I will even admit that as horny as I still get, the last year off work because of the pandemic helped me heal faster. I was able to concentrate on healing rather then continuing to confuse myself with general sexual urges I have and being sexually assaulted.
I'm not saying this for any sympathy or anything. I don't need posts saying so sorry this happened. I'm writing this for two reasons. One - to take back my power. This is personally empowering for me. Two - to help educate.
If you work in a union, a warehouse, a place with more than 50 people, I bet you any money you know someone who has either been sexually assaulted or has sexually assaulted someone. Maybe not full-blown rape, but sexual assault in some form. My rapist has worked for the city, works for a union, has worked on condos and towers in TO that I bet some of you live or work in. He came from a two-parent home, has two kids of his own. A daughter in her teens. Actually, now that I think about it, because he knows my affiliation to this board, he is actually a member here. Don't know the possible TERB handle this time but he has some banned accounts.
I am not taking legal action because that is exactly what it is. Legal action. Not justice. Not accountability. It will be a legal war between two people with a bunch of others getting in the way with the goal to win. He has so many rights in the legal system that I am set up to lose. Now if someone else came forward as well, I would probably do so then. There's strength in numbers. I won't be alone in my fight. This is why 4 years from now - you may hear about my assault. Which would be 6 years after the fact.
Now I don't know about this case. I didn't even read the link yet, to be honest. But for those who don't understand why we don't go to the cops or wait years before speaking out, it is because we are traumatized. It because we are afraid. It is because we want to forget. It is because we want our lives back. It is because we get stronger after time.
I hope this helps some of you understand. Yes - there are some who lie about sexual assault. There are women who regret sex and cry rape. It happens. But it is such a low percentage compared to those who have truly been assaulted. There are hundreds of thousands, let me say that again - HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of women who have been sexually assaulted and live with it in secret. That means there are also thousands of sexual assailants out there as well, and yet we regular folk, we have no clue. Let the sink in. Think of all the women you pass in a day, how many of them have been sexually assaulted? How many men do you cross paths with in a day? How many of them have sexually assaulted a woman? It is scary to know there are some but not know at the same time. And for those men who read this and instead get all pissed off - yes women can and do sexually assault men.
So the next time you read an article and don't understand why she didn't speak up or why she waited so long, hopefully, this helps answer some of that. I am one of the stronger vocal women on this board and it took me two years to even publicly talk about it. And does it even count as public if this is an anonymous board? I'm still on this road to recovery. People get into horrible car accidents and people allow for that person's body to take years to heal. People make allowances for the emotional trauma that car accident victims will go through. The same should be applied for sexual assault. It takes time, years often, to heal. And sadly for some women, healing never comes.
Please remember this when you read the next article about sexual assault. Lack of reporting and lack of coming out publicly does not mean she is lying about being assaulted. It often means she was trying to deal with the trauma of the sexual assault. Women should be allowed to time to heal from such a traumatic event. Without being labelled as liars because they took the time they needed for themselves to heal and gain the strength needed to publicly address their assault.
I can tell you as a rape survivor, it can take years, even decades to come to terms with the assault. Just like DV. It takes time to deal with the emotional trauma.
Guys are not as emotional as women. We all know this and maybe this is why it is hard for guys to understand the emotional impact of an assault, especially sexual assault.
Most of you know me as a very independent woman and yet during my time as a member on this very board, I was raped by a person I know.
I never went to the police because there was no point. It would be my word against his, I would have to re-live the assault over and over again by retelling over and over. I would be grilled in cross-examination if it went to court and I would be shamed in court as well as with cops for being a sex worker even though this had nothing to do with my sex work, but he would tell everyone and could even use it to blackmail me into dropping charges. The threat to tell my neighbours has happened to me before.
So I called the rape crisis center instead and got therapy. This is the first I'm talking about it outside of therapy since it happened.
And yet I'm a strong independent woman who stands against sexual assault. I'm a fighter and I didn't fight him. I'm not usually afraid of anything and yet fear strangled me in this. And none of you knew or would have even had any clue that 2 years ago I was raped and have been dealing with that trauma since then.
It was my dirty little secret. People in my life didn't know and some people I know, still talk to him with no clue he is a rapist. They think he is a good guy, good job, good looking, shouldn't need to rape a woman. He is, on the outside, the alpha male many try to emulate.
I say all this because I am stronger then most. This only took 2 years of my life. This type of assault could take a life away completely from some other women. I will even admit that as horny as I still get, the last year off work because of the pandemic helped me heal faster. I was able to concentrate on healing rather then continuing to confuse myself with general sexual urges I have and being sexually assaulted.
I'm not saying this for any sympathy or anything. I don't need posts saying so sorry this happened. I'm writing this for two reasons. One - to take back my power. This is personally empowering for me. Two - to help educate.
If you work in a union, a warehouse, a place with more than 50 people, I bet you any money you know someone who has either been sexually assaulted or has sexually assaulted someone. Maybe not full-blown rape, but sexual assault in some form. My rapist has worked for the city, works for a union, has worked on condos and towers in TO that I bet some of you live or work in. He came from a two-parent home, has two kids of his own. A daughter in her teens. Actually, now that I think about it, because he knows my affiliation to this board, he is actually a member here. Don't know the possible TERB handle this time but he has some banned accounts.
I am not taking legal action because that is exactly what it is. Legal action. Not justice. Not accountability. It will be a legal war between two people with a bunch of others getting in the way with the goal to win. He has so many rights in the legal system that I am set up to lose. Now if someone else came forward as well, I would probably do so then. There's strength in numbers. I won't be alone in my fight. This is why 4 years from now - you may hear about my assault. Which would be 6 years after the fact.
Now I don't know about this case. I didn't even read the link yet, to be honest. But for those who don't understand why we don't go to the cops or wait years before speaking out, it is because we are traumatized. It because we are afraid. It is because we want to forget. It is because we want our lives back. It is because we get stronger after time.
I hope this helps some of you understand. Yes - there are some who lie about sexual assault. There are women who regret sex and cry rape. It happens. But it is such a low percentage compared to those who have truly been assaulted. There are hundreds of thousands, let me say that again - HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of women who have been sexually assaulted and live with it in secret. That means there are also thousands of sexual assailants out there as well, and yet we regular folk, we have no clue. Let the sink in. Think of all the women you pass in a day, how many of them have been sexually assaulted? How many men do you cross paths with in a day? How many of them have sexually assaulted a woman? It is scary to know there are some but not know at the same time. And for those men who read this and instead get all pissed off - yes women can and do sexually assault men.
So the next time you read an article and don't understand why she didn't speak up or why she waited so long, hopefully, this helps answer some of that. I am one of the stronger vocal women on this board and it took me two years to even publicly talk about it. And does it even count as public if this is an anonymous board? I'm still on this road to recovery. People get into horrible car accidents and people allow for that person's body to take years to heal. People make allowances for the emotional trauma that car accident victims will go through. The same should be applied for sexual assault. It takes time, years often, to heal. And sadly for some women, healing never comes.
Please remember this when you read the next article about sexual assault. Lack of reporting and lack of coming out publicly does not mean she is lying about being assaulted. It often means she was trying to deal with the trauma of the sexual assault. Women should be allowed to time to heal from such a traumatic event. Without being labelled as liars because they took the time they needed for themselves to heal and gain the strength needed to publicly address their assault.
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Sexual assault victims (I am one of them from my childhood) can take years to come forward to disclose.It took me 42 years to do so. He was charged convicted jailed. And I wasnt looking for a payout.
If he was guilty it means he had a trial. So far that hasn't happened as far as I can see. And if he is guilty as found in a court of law then he gets what's coming. But if he's not guilty he still gets his reputation tarnished and career possibly ruined. In the NHL he becomes tainted goods and that is a dead end with his career either way. I'd say at this point he's fucked either way. Easy way in our current system for a jilted lover or anyone with a grudge to ruin someone in a high profile career even before trial. No disrespect Jenesis but my police contacts tell me that 50% of sexual assault cases don't make it to trial. Yours would be otherwise. The guy that assaulted you needs jail time when found guilty in a court of law.
A trial is only required for criminal prosecution. The NHL can conduct an investigation and have their own punishment.
Roberto Alomar was not criminally charged but has been banned by MLB.
And in case you didn’t notice professional athletes almost always get another chance with a different team.
I believe Roberto Osuna assaulted his girlfriend even though he wasn't charged.
The beauty of being rich is you can pay the alleged victim off, which would lead them not to testify.
The beauty of being rich is you can pay the alleged victim off, which would lead them not to testify.
There is a serious issue though with this
42 years later I am very skeptical of the truth being told
Vast majority of people can not remember that long (and with trauma it is even less likely)
I know it happens (esp with minors) but its not a good thing as regardless of payouts there is a serious issue with credibility
This does happened but it is a misconception at how much this actual happens. Sure you may not remember the colour buttons on the guys shirt but you remember the important details.
We remember. Trust me we remember. Sometimes it actually takes longer to remember every detail. Time healing the mind and then the mind allowing for more memory bits a time so the person can handle it.
It is media and defence lawyers that have you convinced there is a credibility issue the longer a person stays quiet.
You can read the whole article but the conclusion (summary) is why credibility is at issue
They state as a certainty that you would be incapable of having an accurate memory of the event
And these are not from shady defence lawyers (although the articles do comment on how easy it can be to trap/trick someone in an interview if focusing more on lie detection or inconsistencies)
PART III – How Trauma Affects Memory and Recall - The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims
The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims
Memory Distortion for Traumatic Events: The Role of Mental Imagery - PMC
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
I’m sorry but no article is going to tell me that I don’t remember my sexual assault from 2 years ago. You may not believe me. That is your choice but I know what happened. I remember what happened.You can read the whole article but the conclusion (summary) is why credibility is at issue
They state as a certainty that you would be incapable of having an accurate memory of the event
And these are not from shady defence lawyers (although the articles do comment on how easy it can be to trap/trick someone in an interview if focusing more on lie detection or inconsistencies)
PART III – How Trauma Affects Memory and Recall - The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims
The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victimswww.justice.gc.ca
Memory Distortion for Traumatic Events: The Role of Mental Imagery - PMC
And to be honest TJ - I got the part about two techniques for retrieving memory and how they feel those distort memory. Nothing to do with natural memory. I don’t feel like a heavy debate picking apart your article.
You simply can’t tell me I don’t remember. And I don’t think you can tell spankingman that he doesn’t remember either. You are not in our heads. You didn’t experience our trauma. How do you think you can tell us what we remember and how we remember it?
That is kind of the issue though...
I can not tell you what happened
But you can not tell me what happened either
That is why I quoted directly from the justice.gc.ca
That is well researched by reputable psych doctors with millions in funding by our government
According to the article your brain would not be normal if you actually could remember after a trauma....
I did tell you what happened and you choose not to believe. You can’t tell me what happened because you were not there. Those are two very different things.
And my brain wasn’t right after the trauma. Hence why I went to therapy. I went within two weeks of the assault.
and again, the article talks about pulling those memories and how that can be distorted. Not natural memory.
You do realize that trauma had to have happened in order for the memories issues to happen right. That means something had to happen first. The article says you may remember more trauma then what actually happened. Ok - going with that though some trauma had to still have happened. Maybe the person though they were rape in the ass as well as in the vagina but were actually only raped in the ass. They were still raped.
Please stop trying to take away our trauma. I was raped. By a man who was a member of this very board. Why do you want to take that away and make it as if it never happened? Is it because you can’t fathom someone on this board doing that? Have I given you reason in all my posts to believe that I am lair? Why automatically say we have no credibility simply because we didn’t speak up on day one?
Mine would have been a case that didn’t go to court. It is one of the reasons I didn’t both with the cops. There is literally no way to prove it. He can’t prove he didn’t and I can’t prove he did.
This is why rape is so under reported. He came into the room, raped me and left. His life didn’t change except the odd panic that I might tell someone. But then he blackmailed me so he feels comfortable.
I live with the rape, the guilt of not fighting, the shame of “allowing it to happen” and all those horrible feelings that come with a trauma like this. Plus I had to change all my escorting info which had 6 years worth of marketing, reviews, ads, etc. a year later because of fear and the blackmail threat and then on top of all that, I get to know that even if I’m strong enough to speak out about it, there are a hundred TJs willing to try and knock me down by saying I’m lying or are somehow not credible because it took me this long to heal enough to speak out.
I don’t want to derail this thread any further then I have but I was simply trying to explain why some of us don’t speak out or when we do, it is years later. Some guys here will truly want to understand the why of that and hopefully I was able to use my experience to explain some of those questions of why.
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I think there has to be a distinction though - if a woman admits to making a false claim then by all means she should be identified. However the proof of guilt is so difficult that someone found not guilty doesn't necessarily mean they are innocent either, just that proof of guilt could not be established sufficiently in court. To then identify a victim is unfair especially in a case against a celebrity who likely has the financial means to hire much better attorneys.
Ideally I would prefer that neither side is identified.
