Can someone explain to me what a soft domme is?

[SinnamonFairbanks]

Im not quite understanding what this is.

Is it someone whos just assertive?

I watched the porn version and it just sounds like people being normal and talking through a sex session.

Ive been asked three times now for a soft domme session but I dont understand what that is.

Im naturally a dominant outspoken person. I was labeled "bossy" my entire life. Am I just supposed to be normal? Lol. Assertive? More or less assertive than normal.

It feels like domination for people that don't want to be dominated and that to me... is so confusing in itself.

The best subs let me do whatever I want with no limits and we collaborate together to reach new limits.

These soft domme people are already trying to confine me to some box where I have to coddle them. Am I supposed to coddle them like children?

Pornhub isnt very helpful.

Where did this originated from?

Is it just domination without the whips, bondage and pain?

That sounds kind of boring but if thats all it is, I could definitely accomodate. Im just confused about what it even is and what I means to people.

Is it BDSM for virgins? People trying to get their toes wet?

I do thoroughly enjoy beating the sh*t out of people but im intrigued by this soft domme stuff too.

 

[onomatopoeia]

 

[Valcazar]

Im not quite understanding what this is.

Is it someone whos just assertive?

I watched the porn version and it just sounds like people being normal and talking through a sex session.

Ive been asked three times now for a soft domme session but I dont understand what that is.

Im naturally a dominant outspoken person. I was labeled "bossy" my entire life. Am I just supposed to be normal? Lol. Assertive? More or less assertive than normal.

It feels like domination for people that don't want to be dominated and that to me... is so confusing in itself.

The best subs let me do whatever I want with no limits and we collaborate together to reach new limits.

These soft domme people are already trying to confine me to some box where I have to coddle them. Am I supposed to coddle them like children?

Pornhub isnt very helpful.

Where did this originated from?

Is it just domination without the whips, bondage and pain?

That sounds kind of boring but if thats all it is, I could definitely accomodate. Im just confused about what it even is and what I means to people.

Is it BDSM for virgins? People trying to get their toes wet?

I do thoroughly enjoy beating the sh*t out of people but im intrigued by this soft domme stuff too.

It's complicated and probably keeps evolving since most kink terminology does shift over time.

Dom and sub are the kind of thing people think they know, because it is the version they like or were brought up with that must be real Dom(me)/Sub behavior.
This is, of course, not remotely true.

So, for example, you ask, "Is it just domination without the whips, bondage and pain?"

Hidden there is an assumption that Domination would have to involve whips, bondage, and pain.
Lots of people have very intense Dom/Sub relationships that wouldn't involve any of that as their primary definition.

"The best subs let me do whatever I want with no limits and we collaborate together to reach new limits."

That's you projecting what you like onto the concept of being a real Domme.
I'm glad you have "collaborate" in there or I'd be very worried.
(Lots of Doms think "collaborate" shouldn't be in there, just "let me do whatever I want with no limits" and those people are a serious fucking problem.)

There are Dom(me)s who think that humiliation/degradation is fundamental to D/s. Others find that baffling.

There are reasons Dom/Sub got split off from Top/Bottom.

So over time, all kinds of qualifiers have come through. (Owners, service tops, sadist doms, power bottoms, brats, etc.)

When I was in the scene, Soft Dom(me) was usually not focused on humiliation/degradation (it may even go so far as praise kink, but that was more varied).
Pain or bondage weren't the focus, although discipline still was.

So something that was more high protocol, like having to give service, might be expected. (With punishments for failure.)
(Of course, you can do high protocol hard or soft).
That could or could not include something directly sexual.

That said, "hard vs soft" was always really subjective and you had to negotiate anyway, so it was never very useful to me. (So I understand your confusion here.)
I've even seen it described by one person as purely "overt vs covert". A hard dom may not do any pain work but all verbal orders are explicitly framed as orders. Soft doms do mindfuckery and emotional manipulation. Like I said, I think it's not the most useful distinction and has blurry meanings.

However,
I expect that in an escorting context, soft is almost exclusively about removing the pain/discomfort element.

So bondage is likely to still be in (although more just restraint than discomfort), who is giving the orders is still in, but you aren't doing verbal denigration and you aren't doing pain as the primary point of the evening.

 

[lunaseraphim]

I think "soft domme" refers to specific kinks like mommy domme.. I just think it's a different style of domination.

 

[Josephine]

To me it is more domination without pain or humiliation. Based on teasing, edging and orgasm denial. Blindfold and restraint can be involved.

 

[xix]

I had to do a web search, I think someone asked this before this year..

What Is A Soft Dom? The BDSM Term, Explained By Experts
It's all about praise over punishment, and emotional presence over power plays.

What Exactly Is a Soft Dom? Experts Break Down Another Side of BDSM

Think of it as praise over punishment.

www.menshealth.com

and
What Is a Soft Dom? Praise Him While He’s Whimpering
What is a soft Dom? Does such a thing truly exist? Here’s the 411 on the gentler approach to the Dom/sub relationship you may not know about.

What Is a Soft Dom? Learn The Meaning of Soft Dominance | Grindr

What is a soft Dom? Does such a thing truly exist? Here’s the 411 on the gentler approach to the Dom/sub relationship you may not know about.

www.grindr.com

and

Glossary of BDSM - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

have fun.

2512sd

 

[xix]

Here it is

https://terb.cc/xenforo/threads/recommendations-for-a-mature-soft-domme.871340/

plus more

 

[xix]

@SinnamonFairbanks in the search bar here type soft domme and you will see a few girls offer it. See through them.

 

[xix]

AI respond:
A soft domme is a female dominant (domme) in BDSM who typically focuses on gentler forms of control and power exchange rather than intense or harsh sadomasochism, pain, or humiliation. The term is often used in fan communities and specific relationship dynamics to describe a dominant partner with a nurturing, caring, or playful style.
Key characteristics generally associated with the "soft domme" style include:

• Emphasis on consent and care: The dynamic heavily prioritizes clear communication, safety, and the submissive partner's well-being and comfort.
• Emotional and psychological dominance: Control is often exerted through emotional connection, guidance, and setting boundaries, which can feel less physically demanding than other types of dominance.
• Nurturing elements: A soft domme might adopt a protective or guiding role, creating an atmosphere of comfort and trust, even within the power dynamic.
• Focus on pleasure and sensation: Play might center around gentle sensation play, such as light touch or specific textures, rather than impact play or pain. A "pleasure dom" uses pleasure as a primary tool of control, often focusing on orgasm control and denial.
• Roleplay dynamics: The role often features in specific romantic or narrative contexts, such as those found in interactive story games or online communities, where the focus is on a sweet, sometimes "babygirl" or "daddy-dom" adjacent dynamic, but with the dominant partner being female.

In contrast to a more traditional "Dominatrix" (a formal term dating back to at least 1561 for a woman who provides punishment-for-pay), a "soft domme" is a more modern, informal term used within BDSM and kink subcultures to describe a specific, gentle style of dominance within a consensual relationship.

 

[SinnamonFairbanks]

That actually makes a lot of sense. I understand what it means when you put it that way. I'm not much of a manipulator or a mind fucker so I don't know how good I would be at that , but i'm used to people asking me to give them orders and praise them on occasion , but it's usually with a tone of humiliation as well. "Thats a good slut" or "thank you my *****"

I can actually wrap my head around this definition and work with it. So I really appreciate this a lot. Not that I didn't find the other comment's helpful but what you wrote makes a lot of sense.

It's complicated and probably keeps evolving since most kink terminology does shift over time.

Dom and sub are the kind of thing people think they know, because it is the version they like or were brought up with that must be real Dom(me)/Sub behavior.
This is, of course, not remotely true.

So, for example, you ask, "Is it just domination without the whips, bondage and pain?"

Hidden there is an assumption that Domination would have to involve whips, bondage, and pain.
Lots of people have very intense Dom/Sub relationships that wouldn't involve any of that as their primary definition.

"The best subs let me do whatever I want with no limits and we collaborate together to reach new limits."

That's you projecting what you like onto the concept of being a real Domme.
I'm glad you have "collaborate" in there or I'd be very worried.
(Lots of Doms think "collaborate" shouldn't be in there, just "let me do whatever I want with no limits" and those people are a serious fucking problem.)

There are Dom(me)s who think that humiliation/degradation is fundamental to D/s. Others find that baffling.

There are reasons Dom/Sub got split off from Top/Bottom.

So over time, all kinds of qualifiers have come through. (Owners, service tops, sadist doms, power bottoms, brats, etc.)

When I was in the scene, Soft Dom(me) was usually not focused on humiliation/degradation (it may even go so far as praise kink, but that was more varied).
Pain or bondage weren't the focus, although discipline still was.

So something that was more high protocol, like having to give service, might be expected. (With punishments for failure.)
(Of course, you can do high protocol hard or soft).
That could or could not include something directly sexual.

That said, "hard vs soft" was always really subjective and you had to negotiate anyway, so it was never very useful to me. (So I understand your confusion here.)
I've even seen it described by one person as purely "overt vs covert". A hard dom may not do any pain work but all verbal orders are explicitly framed as orders. Soft doms do mindfuckery and emotional manipulation. Like I said, I think it's not the most useful distinction and has blurry meanings.

However,
I expect that in an escorting context, soft is almost exclusively about removing the pain/discomfort element.

So bondage is likely to still be in (although more just restraint than discomfort), who is giving the orders is still in, but you aren't doing verbal denigration and you aren't doing pain as the primary point of the evening.

 

[Valcazar]

That actually makes a lot of sense. I understand what it means when you put it that way. I'm not much of a manipulator or a mind fucker so I don't know how good I would be at that , but i'm used to people asking me to give them orders and praise them on occasion , but it's usually with a tone of humiliation as well. "Thats a good slut" or "thank you my *****"

I can actually wrap my head around this definition and work with it. So I really appreciate this a lot. Not that I didn't find the other comet's helpful but what you wrote makes a lot of sense.

Glad to help.

Hope that helps you figure out if it is something you want to offer.