Can Someone Briefly Explain?
- Thread starter Guy7
- Start date
I'll do you one better
For those in the dark, The Cleveland Steamer is a method of breaking up with a partner via defecation on said partner’s torso, followed by a steamrolling action with the gluteal muscles. It is wrong, vile, yet amazingly popular as a conversation piece. It seems to be in the forefront of the nation’s collective consciousness. The Cleveland Steamer’s corollary, The Cincinnati Bowtie (tying a used condom around a partner’s neck), has gained popularity by proxy, even earning mention in such films as The 40 Year Old Virgin. Obviously, the trend toward Ohio’s native dysfunctional sex acts is the next big thing.
That said, here’s a list of the lesser-known Dysfunctional Sex Acts of Ohioans.
The Bernie Blast – A favorite of Cleveland Browns Backers worldwide, The Bernie Blast consists of jerking off and shooting one’s load onto one’s partner while employing a sidearm grip.
The Boomer Bungle – The Boomer Bungle is an act whereby one engages in sexual bondage fetish play with former Cincinnati Bengals (or, Bungles) quarterback Boomer Esiason. He loves chomping on that bit, especially after a hard day in the broadcast booth being a total douche bag.
Reach for the Ball Peen hammer for your Canton Wedge
Its the most versataile.
The Burning River Smoker – The Burning River Smoker is the act of providing road head on the ferry home from Put-In-Bay, a popular spot of redneck Ohioans for listening to 80’s hair bands and drinking themselves into oblivion.
The Canton Wedge – Named after an early football play in the sport’s Hall of Hame town, The Canton Wedge is the act of hammering any sort of object into one of your partner’s orifices with a hammer or heavy, blunt, tool of similar ilk.
The Coshocton Shocker – Six fingers. Three Prongs. Two Hands. One Shocker. If you need more description to understand, you shouldn’t even try it. If you’re maverick enough to fly this route, its gotta be a perfect mission. That’s a lot of voltage.
The Dirty Swayze - The Dirty Swayze is a Cleveland Steamer punctuated by the Steamer hoisting the Steamee into the “Lift” pose popularized by Patrick Swayze in the 1987 film Dirty Dancing. Be advised that Swayze’s superhuman strength and cocksure dancing strut allow him to make this feat look easy.
The Kucinich Kram – In honor of Democratic U.S. Representative and erstwhile Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich, who’s had his head so far up the ass of big labor interests during his term in office he can’t see a goddamn thing, the Kucinich Kram occurs when someone rams their head up their partner’s ass, then spouts out all sort of crazy ideas. Up that person’s ass.
The Amish Churn-Fuck – Another rural favorite, The Amish Churn Fuck occurs when two Amish fuck over a butter churn. It combines the passionate heat of intercourse with the bucolic charm of a sturdily cobbled, decorative, maple butter churn.
For $29.99 plus shipping and handling
you can learn the Dirty Swayze from the master.
The Olentangy Dandy – The Olentangy Dandy is executed immediately after coitus, when one partner heads into the bathroom, balls up a giant wad of toilet paper stuck together with viscous blue toilet cleaner, and throws the giant, sopping, mess into the other’s face, providing a screen allowing the thrower to grab clothing and get the hell out of there with no strings attached. Also popular among the Amish.
The Sandusky Taint Grab – A tradition traced back to the Huron Indians, the Sandusky Taint Grab is the act of grabbing and pinching a partner’s taint to extract vital information. Also known as the St. Clairsville Choad Clamp.
Guy7 said:
For those in the dark, The Cleveland Steamer is a method of breaking up with a partner via defecation on said partner’s torso, followed by a steamrolling action with the gluteal muscles. It is wrong, vile, yet amazingly popular as a conversation piece. It seems to be in the forefront of the nation’s collective consciousness. The Cleveland Steamer’s corollary, The Cincinnati Bowtie (tying a used condom around a partner’s neck), has gained popularity by proxy, even earning mention in such films as The 40 Year Old Virgin. Obviously, the trend toward Ohio’s native dysfunctional sex acts is the next big thing.
That said, here’s a list of the lesser-known Dysfunctional Sex Acts of Ohioans.
The Bernie Blast – A favorite of Cleveland Browns Backers worldwide, The Bernie Blast consists of jerking off and shooting one’s load onto one’s partner while employing a sidearm grip.
The Boomer Bungle – The Boomer Bungle is an act whereby one engages in sexual bondage fetish play with former Cincinnati Bengals (or, Bungles) quarterback Boomer Esiason. He loves chomping on that bit, especially after a hard day in the broadcast booth being a total douche bag.
Reach for the Ball Peen hammer for your Canton Wedge
Its the most versataile.
The Burning River Smoker – The Burning River Smoker is the act of providing road head on the ferry home from Put-In-Bay, a popular spot of redneck Ohioans for listening to 80’s hair bands and drinking themselves into oblivion.
The Canton Wedge – Named after an early football play in the sport’s Hall of Hame town, The Canton Wedge is the act of hammering any sort of object into one of your partner’s orifices with a hammer or heavy, blunt, tool of similar ilk.
The Coshocton Shocker – Six fingers. Three Prongs. Two Hands. One Shocker. If you need more description to understand, you shouldn’t even try it. If you’re maverick enough to fly this route, its gotta be a perfect mission. That’s a lot of voltage.
The Dirty Swayze - The Dirty Swayze is a Cleveland Steamer punctuated by the Steamer hoisting the Steamee into the “Lift” pose popularized by Patrick Swayze in the 1987 film Dirty Dancing. Be advised that Swayze’s superhuman strength and cocksure dancing strut allow him to make this feat look easy.
The Kucinich Kram – In honor of Democratic U.S. Representative and erstwhile Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich, who’s had his head so far up the ass of big labor interests during his term in office he can’t see a goddamn thing, the Kucinich Kram occurs when someone rams their head up their partner’s ass, then spouts out all sort of crazy ideas. Up that person’s ass.
The Amish Churn-Fuck – Another rural favorite, The Amish Churn Fuck occurs when two Amish fuck over a butter churn. It combines the passionate heat of intercourse with the bucolic charm of a sturdily cobbled, decorative, maple butter churn.
For $29.99 plus shipping and handling
you can learn the Dirty Swayze from the master.
The Olentangy Dandy – The Olentangy Dandy is executed immediately after coitus, when one partner heads into the bathroom, balls up a giant wad of toilet paper stuck together with viscous blue toilet cleaner, and throws the giant, sopping, mess into the other’s face, providing a screen allowing the thrower to grab clothing and get the hell out of there with no strings attached. Also popular among the Amish.
The Sandusky Taint Grab – A tradition traced back to the Huron Indians, the Sandusky Taint Grab is the act of grabbing and pinching a partner’s taint to extract vital information. Also known as the St. Clairsville Choad Clamp.
Fun of the hunt.
Guy7, try the wonders of Goggle. It's just fun to use that search engine for answers to questions.
Guy7 said:
Guy7, try the wonders of Goggle. It's just fun to use that search engine for answers to questions.
Guy7 said:
Tea bagging is balls across the nose. Often used metaphorically in online gaming (CS anyone?) to describe a n00b who has been p0wned so bad it's embarassing.
Prostate Massage. Find prostate gland, massage, jerk off, have intense orgasm, end story. BTW your prostate is in your ASS so if you like prostate massage (or are even curious) then you're a closet homo and should consider redecorating your apartment to include the color peach and buy the Director's Cut of Brokeback Mountain when it comes out on DVD.
Rimming. Could mean tounge around the rim of the anus but my guess is that it's when you take a wet finger a rub it around the rim of a crystal glass and get musical notes. Next time you have company over just tell them that you've become quite profficient at rimming and when they look at you in disbelief just whip out some crystal glasses and show them.
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