Can people change?

[Flower]

Another quack peeps on and on ....

Yeah, people can and do change, but if it's not in their genetic or environmental programming they won't stray far, as that will always be part of their essence.

True, our basic personality traits are set at a very early age, some are even innate.

The hardest part abt acknowledgement is not to suppress it again and taking action. One really has to want to and feel comfortable with the possibility of change. It's all to easy to withdraw into what we are familiar with and seemingly secure.

I believe that we are capable of "adjusting" to different situations or people but our basic nature is still the same.

Flower, this is a confusing topic. Whatever happened to "compromise" in this whole equation. I suppose, the ability to compromise, in itself, is part of who we are, so if we should accept people we should accept their ability, or lack there of, to compromise. Is acceptance compromise ?

Yes, it is confusing, if you think too much. We all "compromise" everyday in some way. I know that my willingness to "compromise" varies by individual and situation. Excellent question ... I guess that one could say that "acceptance" is "compromise" or perhaps .. Acceptance is the willingness to be flexible.

Is being flexible compromising or growth?

 

[Peace4u]

I beleive one can only change through the Grace of God.Because change always takes place on the inside.

 

[Flower]

Another thought or two ....

Once someone is "totally accepted" it may give them the strength to show traits that they buried or were afraid to show to others for various reasons. Perhaps when two people totally accept each other, it gives them a safe place in which to grow and thus they nurture each other and change.

I don't have any answers but still believe that it is best to accept a person for who they show themselves to be and to allow them to adjust, blossom, change or not change.

 

[pool]

Is being flexible compromising or growth?

It makes one more fun in bed : ) ... or is that "open minded" ...

I dunno, Flower. Acceptance of others can be one of the most personally fulfilling things and lead to new experiences/ insight, but can borderline on apathy, or repressing one's own desires/views. I suppose it depends on whether there is something gained.

*blows fuse*

 

[kat19]

Sentry,

I remember some wise words I was once told: "Think of how hard it is to change yourself, and then you will see why it is so hard for others to change"...or something along those lines, lol.

But I too have spent years waiting for that certain someone to change, and "open up" and even if they say they will, you just have to realize that this is who they are, either except them or move on. Something else I was told: Just because someone doesn't love you the way YOU want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you. You have to be the judge what is most important to you...someone who will treat you as you wish or someone who may love you but won't do all the things you'd want them to.

 

[Flower]

Epilogue ...

It goes without saying (in my book) that if acceptance of another causes you to deny or repress your own views .. it is NOT a healthy relationship.

I am always myself, that's the only person that I know how to be, people have to accept me for me.

 

[clipper]

Change

Funny how this thread seems to be about the other person changing.

I can state from my own personal experience that people can change. I have changed significantly. I am far more at ease and confident than I was as a young man, and less worried about the opinions of others.

I am in a position to view the changes in myself. Other people are not so easy to gauge.

I think it's highly likely that everyone IS changed in significant ways by lifes events.

If the question is whether people CAN make positive changes in their own lives and those of others, the answer is YES.

 

[pool]

It goes without saying (in my book) that if acceptance of another causes you to deny or repress your own views .. it is NOT a healthy relationship.

I agree, but if our perspective changes do we always know whether we are repressing our views ( in denial) or has our view truly changed. I tend to think in general we are inclined to collect views that suit our own needs and discard the rest [even if that need is to have more than one view], but sometimes these views conceal what is, at the time, almost subconscious.

clipper,

I was trying [miserably] to keep the initial question in mind, but really was talking in general terms. For compromise and/or acceptance to exist in a positive context it almost has to be a two way street.

I know I've changed a lot over time ( attitude, outlook etc ), but I also know in essence I'm still the same person, and when all is said and done my innate and environmental programming from years gone by is what drives me to a large degree - where the hell ya think I get all this crap from : )

 

[pool]

No way.

Yes they can

possibly