Can people change?
- Thread starter Sentry
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yychobbyist
Cold and reserved people can be loving and caring. They just may not show it the way you want them to. Just accept this person, or yourself if that's who you're talking about, the way they are. It'll be best for both of you (or the best for you if you're talking about yourself).Sentry said:
I think, in most instances, it's a case of the more things change the more they remain the same. People may change in minor ways and superficially, but in essence the way we are programmed will always be part of us.
The "right person" may be able to allow people to express a reserved side of themselves if, in fact, that person wants or needs to express themselves, otherwise it's not likely you can change a person as such.
I dunno, but if you accept some people rather than try to change them [ which is a form of judgement, I think], it's more likely to allow them to expand if they have any inclination to do so.
It's a really hard thing to simplify and generalise given all the dynamics of humans. Many people tend to compensate or build defences. Sometimes it's hard to tell who they really are and many don't even know themselves.
The "right person" may be able to allow people to express a reserved side of themselves if, in fact, that person wants or needs to express themselves, otherwise it's not likely you can change a person as such.
I dunno, but if you accept some people rather than try to change them [ which is a form of judgement, I think], it's more likely to allow them to expand if they have any inclination to do so.
It's a really hard thing to simplify and generalise given all the dynamics of humans. Many people tend to compensate or build defences. Sometimes it's hard to tell who they really are and many don't even know themselves.
A lot of people would describe me as a cold reserved person, but if you get to know me, you'd find out that I am the exact opposite. We do live in Toronto and this city happens to be the most cold and reserved city in the world... so I can't really blame the person for being this way... best thing would to get out of this city....Sentry said:
I've noticed this too. I've seen friendlier people in Detroit than in T.O. Wonder why that is? HmmmCappinStabbin said:
as a freqent visitor to toronto, i think that toronto-ons are as warm and friendly as anywhere else (and i was born and raised in the suburbs of new york city).....cities don't make the people, people make the cities...don't sell toronto or canadians short, they are great people....CappinStabbin said:
I totally agree with poolie.pool said:
Accept the person and situation for what it is, it is never wise to expect another person to change, nor should you want them to change. You have to accept the good and the bad, the weak and the strong in any relationship and if there are "things" that bother you too much .. move on.
For better or worse, other humans have a certain "programming" that we either accept or we don't.
For instance, people who are depressives will ALWAYS be depressives.
Even if they won the lottery tomorrow, 3 weeks from now they'd be complaining about something.
IE>
don't know WHICH charities to help
don't know WHERE to live
etc etc.
In a marriage, one of the biggest problems can be sex.
If one partner's floor is above another partner's ceiling, I know first hand that it can NEVER be fixed.
For instance, people who are depressives will ALWAYS be depressives.
Even if they won the lottery tomorrow, 3 weeks from now they'd be complaining about something.
IE>
don't know WHICH charities to help
don't know WHERE to live
etc etc.
In a marriage, one of the biggest problems can be sex.
If one partner's floor is above another partner's ceiling, I know first hand that it can NEVER be fixed.
I am canadian... and from Toronto, I'm telling you it's cold here and I am not talking about just the weather. It's a dump in my opinion.keybitz said:
Have to agree with the statement "in a word no" Tried for four years with my ex. People are a product of their environment, emotional bagage is heavy. The old saying "a snake can shed it's skin, but it's still the same snake" rings true. Don't get me wrong, they can try, but when it's part of your makeup, it can take a lifetime to overcome various behaviour patterns.
The question is not whether they can change, but how willing are you to compramise, wait, put up with, etc.
IMHO
The question is not whether they can change, but how willing are you to compramise, wait, put up with, etc.
IMHO
First off, I don't think that people in Toronto are cold in the least. You just have to get to know them.
Myself, I am cool and reserved, and have been told by one woman I know that I come across as "a hard ass" and another that I am "very tough"
The truth would be closer to the other extreme. I am cool and driven on the outside, but that is not to say that i am without emotion. In fact, quite the opposite.
Anyway, can people change? My thought would be no overall. People are like elastic bands, they stretch and change shape, but at some point they go back to their original shape. You may get some minor deformation over time, but that's about it.
Myself, I am cool and reserved, and have been told by one woman I know that I come across as "a hard ass" and another that I am "very tough"
The truth would be closer to the other extreme. I am cool and driven on the outside, but that is not to say that i am without emotion. In fact, quite the opposite.
Anyway, can people change? My thought would be no overall. People are like elastic bands, they stretch and change shape, but at some point they go back to their original shape. You may get some minor deformation over time, but that's about it.
cap, you do have a choice, you know, stay and look for the warm side of your associates, or leave, and go where you think the people are going to be different.....i suspect that the coldness in others you will find no matter where you choose to go.....CappinStabbin said:
I disagree...
Of course the kind of response you get form people also depends on who you are and how you treat them.
Zog.
I don't believe that this is true. I think that Torontonians are slower to warm-up to strangers than in some other cities but they can be just as warm and expressive once they get to know you.CappinStabbin said:
Of course the kind of response you get form people also depends on who you are and how you treat them.
Zog.
Yeah, people can and do change, but if it's not in their genetic or environmental programming they won't stray far, as that will always be part of their essence.
The hardest part abt acknowledgement is not to suppress it again and taking action. One really has to want to and feel comfortable with the possibility of change. It's all to easy to withdraw into what we are familiar with and seemingly secure.
Flower, this is a confusing topic. Whatever happened to "compromise" in this whole equation. I suppose, the ability to compromise, in itself, is part of who we are, so if we should accept people we should accept their ability, or lack there of, to compromise. Is acceptance compromise ?
Depression is a complicated thing. A lot of the time it is affected by triggers. If one can find contentment from an eternal source, it can change them considerably, until that source is taken away. Usually, the discontent are that way, because they aren't addressing their true void.
in my quack opinion.
The hardest part abt acknowledgement is not to suppress it again and taking action. One really has to want to and feel comfortable with the possibility of change. It's all to easy to withdraw into what we are familiar with and seemingly secure.
Flower, this is a confusing topic. Whatever happened to "compromise" in this whole equation. I suppose, the ability to compromise, in itself, is part of who we are, so if we should accept people we should accept their ability, or lack there of, to compromise. Is acceptance compromise ?
Depression is a complicated thing. A lot of the time it is affected by triggers. If one can find contentment from an eternal source, it can change them considerably, until that source is taken away. Usually, the discontent are that way, because they aren't addressing their true void.
in my quack opinion.
