I think about this issue a great deal - risking being outed and the threat of blackmail and it is one of several reasons indy status is appealing. I control nearly every aspect of my involvement (I edited my own comment pre-post as I don't want the mods to mistake it for advertisement but rather participation in a subject that is important to each of us).
That said though, each and everyone of us runs the risk that the next call we make or take will be to someone we know and if there isn't mutual respect for each other's privacy these situations can present themselves.
I use a few rules of thumb which, in my circumstances, work best for me with new contacts:
1) contact is through email and not by phone or text.... I have a blackberry and my email comes to my phone and generally I respond within 4 to 6 hours to regular emails and where there is a request for a more urgent reply I do my best to respond within 1 hour.
2) if I get a bad feeling at any point in time I pay attention to the warning I am getting - we have instincts for a reason.
3) if I get a bad feeling during a date I contact my emergency contact and respectfully end the date (returning donation)..... I don't rebook with anyone who gives the hairs on the back of my neck a reason to stand (unless it is of the 'goosebumps from pleasure' kind of hair raising).
3) outcalls only - though I am familiar with the law as it applies to incalls and outcalls I prefer the additional legal standing that outcalls imply.
4) when a date is arranging for a room I encourage an area that is neutral to each of us so that there is little concern about next door neighbours, family, etc. seeing us parked at local inn.... in the case of attending at private residences I will ask for a general geographical locale first, before accepting the date, and if it is "in my back yard" I will respectfully decline the date as I would prefer not to do my banking and groceries where I conduct business (all of this is well and good however the world is small and I've found that even out of town it is easy to bump into someone who you know so the utmost discretion needs to be exercised when "seeing someone you know.. but shouldn't").
5) I read between the lines when other ladies and gentlemen on this board post... there is a lot of good learning in their experiences and I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned, vicariously and otherwise.
This is a rater taboo world we operate in, both the men and women on the board and in this hobby. I would hope that we each understand the mutual benefit for respect, discretion and privacy.
Anyhow, my 10 cents worth.
Enjoy and be safe.
xo Jane
