'Bereavement' leave

[Hangman]

So I had to ask for 2 days' bereavement leave today. My grandma died on Saturday so there'll be a wake (Irish, you see) tomorrow and a funeral Wednesday.

The company I work for is very cool - My brother works there too and is flying in from Texas at the company's expense. We'll go tomorrow to see the rest of the family.

I ended up having the same conversation 3 times today:

"How was your weekend?"

Me: "ah, got some bad news. My grandma died."

"Oh, so sorry to hear that" (some were MUCH nicer)

Me: "Yeah, she was 97."

And then everyone's all "Oh, well, at least she had a full life" or something to the effect that that's not so bad. Sure, it comes as no surprise but people almost seemed relieved when I said how old she was.

I found it kind of weird.

I feel worst for Grandpa now. He's 98 and alone after a 68 year marriage. Guess I'll see how he is tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

 

[tboy]

Well, sorry for your loss hangman but co-workers etc really, what should they say? Start balling? Hug you? (well, maybe if she is really hot).....You have to remember: they are just co-workers, it's not like you invited them to the funeral, etc.

This may sound brutal and doesn't diminish your loss but losing someone at 97 is a lot less dramatic than losing a baby or child.

Word of advice though: keep an eye on your grandfather. I mean really closely. It is very common for spouses to pass very soon after they've lost their partner after a long long marriage. I've known 2 couples who died within 6 months of each other (both spouses who passed afterwards were 100% healthy when they died) and this one older woman I knew who was 99 (she looked 40, seriously) and the last time I saw her she was talking about just being tired of burying people (she'd outlived all her kids and her friends) and just by her tone she sounded done in. She also was perfectedly healthy yet within 3 months she too passed away.

 

[james t kirk]

I am sorry for your loss. Even though your grandmother was 97, it is a loss for you. Death is very permanent.

People say she had a full life and they would be correct, so take comfort in that.

I was reading the Globe and Mail the other day and perchance I read "Lives Lived" and there was a column about a little girl who was 3 and died of Cancer. Alexis was her name. Reading that column reduced me to tears frankly. How is it that a 3 year old can die of cancer? There is no way I can rationalize it.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20080528.LIVES28/TPStory/?query=alexis

Tonight, say a prayer for your Grand Mother, but don't forget about Alexis either. Maybe you can take solace in the thought that your Grand Mother is up there taking care of Alexis.

 

[Hangman]

No, tboy, you're right. I'm not looking for sympathy or crying etc. It was just funny that all 3 people had the same reaction.

When a child dies, it is tragic. Unfair and incomprehensible. When an 97 year old dies it's obviously more understandable.

I guess it just got me thinking, which normally I avoid!

 

[Ben Hogan]

People seldom know the right thing to say (as if there really is a "right thing" one can say).

Sorry for your loss.

 

[skypilot]

When an 97 year old dies it's obviously more understandable.

I certainly don't expect to make it to 97. I figure if I hit 75 I have lived a full life. To go 22 years beyond that - that is just amazing.

 

[a 1 player]

Sorry for your loss brother.

 

[Jade4u]

It is hard to know what to say to each individual when someone passes on as everyone deals with things in thier own way. Some want space or want to be left alone and others need people close to them to hug and to hold onto. I believe everyone goes through a different grieving process. Some need more time off and are not ready to go back to work while others tend to want to jump right back into things and it is not because they are being selfish they tend to do this because they want to forget and do not want to deal with the pain. It would be very hard to find the right words. Just take care of yourself and do what you feel you need to do at this time.

Bless you.

 

[Jade4u]

I certainly don't expect to make it to 97. I figure if I hit 75 I have lived a full life. To go 22 years beyond that - that is just amazing.

Jeepers creepers I am starting to feel old here now. I am just thinking of my age and figuring I better make it to be 60 to see my youngest boy grow to be a man. Hopefully by that time he is secure in his life.

 

[goodtime]

Sorry for your loss.

Word of advice though: keep an eye on your grandfather. I mean really closely. It is very common for spouses to pass very soon after they've lost their partner after a long long marriage. I've known 2 couples who died within 6 months of each other (both spouses who passed afterwards were 100% healthy when they died) and this one older woman I knew who was 99 (she looked 40, seriously) and the last time I saw her she was talking about just being tired of burying people (she'd outlived all her kids and her friends) and just by her tone she sounded done in. She also was perfectedly healthy yet within 3 months she too passed away.

My Grandmothers from both side died within a year granddad died. They were lonely even though surrounded by family all the time.

 

[The Crunge]

Dear Hangman

You feel that you have lost your grandmother, but the reality is that she has simply transitioned to another state of being. Look for signs as she will be visiting you in the near future to let you know that she is ok and that she is looking out for you and the rest of the family. Your Celtic roots are deep and reach into the Netherworld. These roots will keep you in touch with your grandmother and your grandfather when he reunites with her. Death is not the end it is simply a portal to another dimension. The Wake is a celebration of a life lived and the beginning of the new life to come. Be sure to toast her with a dram of good Irish Whiskey.

I hope these are consoling thoughts for you Hangman. As for me, all I can say is, WOW!

 

[red]

Soon the morning sun will rise,
And dawn will bathe the sky.
There's time for just this parting song,
Before we say goodbye.

Chorus:
So sing together one and all,
And raise a glass of wine,
Here's hoping we will meet again,
Along the road of time.

We've shared our stories, yours and mine,
We've shared our hopes and fears.
With memories of distant youth,
We've both rolled back the years.

The ever-turning, fateful wheel,
Must cause our ways to part.
And bringing untold mysteries,
Another day will start.

For from endings come beginnings,
From the old shall come the new,
With hopes for tomorrow,
We'll see our parting through.