Bad Date Warning - Advice Needed

[wet and waiting]

I had a date last night. Commonly my gentlemen leave their cash gift before they leave. I've never had to ask for it and it has never been the source of any concern until last night. After putting on his coat and preparing to leave this guy asks if he can call me again. We had enjoyed a pleasant experience and so I said yes and he started out the door. I asked if he wasn't forgetting something. He informed me that as a former male escort we were simply trading favors. This guy must have been in his mid 50s and not terribly clean, so any escorting he may have done did not show in our current date. That image aside, as an independent how do you enforce such issues?

 

[i am one]

I have to ask... Why not ask for the money beforehand? Isn't that always how it's done with escorts and businesses in general? I don't get phone service from Bell unless I pay first and I can't walk out of Future Shop with my new tv unless I pay first. And isn't this the second time with you that a guy hasn't paid? I'm thinking perhaps after you posted about the first incident then some people are thinking that they'll be able to take advantage of you.

 

[wet and waiting]

One and Only

This is the first time it has happened to me. I've never even had to request the money before. In fact, I've never even had a complaint. The rest of the men have been wonderful.

So how should I handle this? I have his phone number and had a picture. Should I pursue anything further or is it not worth risking an encounter over money?

 

[midLifeCrisis]

Advice

The money`s gone.

You have this guy`s `phone number an picture. Pass it around to your buddies and perhaps he won`t find it so easy to make another appointment.

And in future, I would suggest getting the money in advance the first time you see a guy - this might most naturally happen when you`re chatting immediately after his arrival - perhaps offer him a drink and take advantage of the interuption of the feast of reason and the flow of soul to ask.

This sort of thing never bothers me - in fact I am, if anything, too eager to hand over the money, so she can relax, I can relax, and there won`t be any interuptions. I don`t think I`m alone in this, and I don`t think any reasonable guy will take offence.

See The exchange for some discussion. I could have sworn that Miranda posted an experience in which her guy`s excuse for not paying was that he was Fred Zed, but I can`t find it.

Look at the bright side: you`ve learned something and all it cost was money. That`s cheap.

By the way, I am a former career counsellor. Please leave $500 in small bills taped to the underside of the third bench from the eastern end of the Beaches boardwalk.

 

[zog]

IMHO...

...there's not much you can do now.

I'm sorry you got scammed. I believe that most clients are sincere about completing their side of the transaction but every so often someone comes along and makes us all look bad. I suspect that many of the better SPs probably feel the same way about the "bait-and-switch" and other dishonest practitioners.

Still, despite my empathy for your loss, I don't see that you have much recourse in this case.

If you try to "out" him in retaliation, you will pretty well guarantee yourself a massive loss in business. Very few men will want to risk seeing an SP if she's got a history of breaking discretion for any reason. Besides, outing him won't likely make him pay; probably just force him to deny it even more.

Even if you had tried to confront him at the time you would have been unlikely to get very far. If you're at your place, you have much more to lose by making a scene than he does!

I would agree with the suggestion that you receive your payment early in the session (if not at the very start...it can be a real mood-killer if you broach the subject in the first fifteen seconds). Then, at least you've saved yourself the humiliation letting him "steal" your service.

Most SPs I've seen have politely suggested we "get the business out-of-the-way" early in our first encounter. When I repeat, the matter generally is never mentioned again because there is mutual trust on this subject. It's not offensive to be a bit more direct the first time you see someone. We understand. If they repeat, it's no longer an issue because you already know the customer is sincere.

As far as this particular customer is concerned, I suggest you file it under "lessons learned" and not agonize over it. I don't see any way for you to get your money back and anything you try will probably hurt your reputation and business more than it would help.

Oh yeah....and don't see that guy again!

Zog.

 

[sweetdaddyc]

Wet
most fus are gentlemen but there are a few
in all of my years as a hobbyiest i have alwayus started the encounter by leaving the gift in pllain site but discreetly shwere the lady coyuld see it
I can also tell you i get asked more than not for the gift before the action begins
it is very dicreet but still i am asked
This does not bother me and I am ready for the request as I am sure most are
It is a sad world but I live by the phrase trust is earned not given
someone new to you has earned nothing
sorry for your loss
as well missied you at NF prty Thursday
sweetdaddyc

 

[spartan5782]

I know that it's very competitive in the SP circle, but I'm shocked that you guys don't at least have an avenue to share this kind of information??

Certainly not a men's review board, but probably just a message posting type thing? Thought you guys had one...can't remember the name??

 

[Taber]

......, as an independent how do you enforce such issues?

You say " ..let's take care of business first .."

 

[BigGuy26]

While the guy is getting undressed, how about "please leave my tip on the table".

The "customer" should get the hint.

 

[ToronToto]

sweetdaddyc, I can't read your posts (and I can't be the only one).

The [Enter] button (new line, carriage return) is used to start a new paragraph. You don't need to manually insert it as you near the border of the "Text Area", and it will automatically apply "word wrap" when presented anyway.

 

[Sasha Jones]

Re: Re: Bad Date Warning - Advice Needed

Baseball Bat

That's my girl!

Although I recently upgraded my baseball bat for a sword!

 

[Magister]

Clearly the problem stems from improperly referring to payment for services as a "gift".

The dictionary definition of the word gift:
"Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation."

The man in question simply did not choose to volunteer an optional "gift."

 

[elaine]

This sucks

But wet, you could have been a bit rude to him and said "Hmmmph male escort, in what decade, the barbarian?"

Seriously, you should have proceeded to demand to be compensated for your efforts.

http://www.escortwatch.co.uk/ is a place where ladies do join together to let others know off arses similar to this one. I would contact them just to add the info or they can direct you to a Northamerican sister site.

Sorry again this happened.

 

[ToronToto]

Maggie's list

There's always Maggie's list. Think it can still be found in NOW magazine. It's been around since at least the late 80's (don't ask why I know about this). And you wouldn't have to out him here on TERB (someone discussed the negative impact regarding discretion issues earlier).

btw, I hope you do have info about the gent

 

[wet and waiting]

Update on the scammer

Update to the story - Whether he has been reading this thread or not I don't know. But he sent a message expressing his sorrow at our 'misunderstanding' and stated that he hoped it wouldn't destroy our chances for an ongoing and mutually satisfying relationship. Apparently he isn't getting enough in his escort business and was hoping to meet a like minded female escort to relieve his stresses with. Not worth the effort of a response in my opinion.

 

[wet and waiting]

Thanks one and all

Thanks everyone for all the advice. I have registered for Demimonde and will post the information just as soon as they get caught up on their manual set up process. I have requested activation of my username several times as they have a completely manual process in place once you pass the username and password registration. Certainly not as user friendly as terb.

 

[duMaurierguy]

Famous words...

from Ronald Reagan when asked about the old Soviet Empire; "Trust, yes but, verify!". A lesson learned.

 

[wet and waiting]

Kiarra is right

He ain't worth the breath or the effort. Better to laugh than to stress about it.

 

[zog]

That sounds fair...

Some nerve!

He stiffs you (pardon the pun) and then would like to know if you want to be ripped off again?

What planet is this guy from?

Zog.

 

[Allan]

Re: Advice

This sort of thing never bothers me - in fact I am, if anything, too eager to hand over the money, so she can relax, I can relax, and there won't be any interuptions. I don't think I'm alone in this, and I don't think any reasonable guy will take offence.

Absolutely! Once businees is taken care of before the session, then it's on to having fun. I'm in total agreement .