Please keep note that this was a joke that was sent to me. I am sorry in advance if this joke offends anyone. That is not my intention. I just thought it was so funny that I had to share with you guys.
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...(these are bloody funny as hell....)
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
Â_Â_ gay.Â_ It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
Â_Â_ and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
Â_Â_ and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.Â_ A cat is like a dog,
Â_Â_ but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,
Â_Â_ has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
Â_Â_ be fed.Â_ And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come
Â_Â_ here!Â_ I said get your ass over here, Killer!"Â_ Now think about how
Â_Â_ you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"Â_ Jeeezus,
Â_Â_ you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
Â_Â_ nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord.Â_ A straight man only
Â_Â_ sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
Â_Â_ pickled pigs feet, or tits.Â_ Anything else and you are in training
Â_Â_ to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
Â_Â_ parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.Â_ A man's
Â_Â_ world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
Â_Â_ in the poop chute.Â_ Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full
Â_Â_ aroma.Â_ A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe
Â_Â_ Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
Â_Â_ sweetener tastes like.Â_ If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth,
Â_Â_ you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
Â_Â_ of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
Â_Â_ ass.Â_ A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember
Â_Â_ all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the
Â_Â_ Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR.Â_ If you can
Â_Â_ pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay.
Â_Â_ And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are
Â_Â_ faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
Â_Â_ to tune a meat whistle.Â_ A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
Â_Â_ honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off.Â_ The rest of the
Â_Â_ time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
Â_Â_ hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the passenger
Â_Â_ seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le
Â_Â_ Gay, oui?Â_ The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
Â_Â_ with a woman who knows how to reward her man.Â_ Watching any of the
Â_Â_ above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
Â_Â_ SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to
Â_Â_ fags when they flame out too quickly
Thanks
Nicole
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...(these are bloody funny as hell....)
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
Â_Â_ gay.Â_ It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
Â_Â_ and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
Â_Â_ and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.Â_ A cat is like a dog,
Â_Â_ but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,
Â_Â_ has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
Â_Â_ be fed.Â_ And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come
Â_Â_ here!Â_ I said get your ass over here, Killer!"Â_ Now think about how
Â_Â_ you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"Â_ Jeeezus,
Â_Â_ you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
Â_Â_ nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord.Â_ A straight man only
Â_Â_ sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
Â_Â_ pickled pigs feet, or tits.Â_ Anything else and you are in training
Â_Â_ to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
Â_Â_ parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.Â_ A man's
Â_Â_ world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
Â_Â_ in the poop chute.Â_ Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full
Â_Â_ aroma.Â_ A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe
Â_Â_ Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
Â_Â_ sweetener tastes like.Â_ If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth,
Â_Â_ you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
Â_Â_ of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
Â_Â_ ass.Â_ A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember
Â_Â_ all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the
Â_Â_ Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR.Â_ If you can
Â_Â_ pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay.
Â_Â_ And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are
Â_Â_ faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
Â_Â_ to tune a meat whistle.Â_ A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
Â_Â_ honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off.Â_ The rest of the
Â_Â_ time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
Â_Â_ hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the passenger
Â_Â_ seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le
Â_Â_ Gay, oui?Â_ The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
Â_Â_ with a woman who knows how to reward her man.Â_ Watching any of the
Â_Â_ above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
Â_Â_ SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to
Â_Â_ fags when they flame out too quickly
Thanks
Nicole
