Men CAN have it both ways so not to worry. Get married, have your kids and then when you are close middle age, you will see things a bit differently.
Are you married? Do you want kids?
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I guess it all depends how you look at it ......
I have friends that are "happily" married with kids ... and a mortage ... some work jobs they hate, some don't ... and they enjoy watching their kids growing up to be teenagers that hate them.
I, on the other hand; have a job I love but can quit anytime I feel like it ...put myself through school ... own my own mortage free home ... drive a fairly new and decent car ... take anywhere between eight to ten weeks holidays, usually in the Carribean or go overseas to do some volunteer work ... no bills owing ... have a tidy sum put away for a rainy day...and a girlfriend of nine years (who has no plans to have kids -we've discussed this in detail from day one). Plus for some who follow the sports discussion section of the board - I did manage the "Things I want to do or see before I die" list.
I'm almost 40 and I like the way things have turned out for me - but certainly it wasn't by accident, it was by design. Some people do enjoy the family life -props for them. But for me, I prefer single life, or sooner than later joining the legion of DINKS (double income, no kids) out there.
I have friends that are "happily" married with kids ... and a mortage ... some work jobs they hate, some don't ... and they enjoy watching their kids growing up to be teenagers that hate them.
I, on the other hand; have a job I love but can quit anytime I feel like it ...put myself through school ... own my own mortage free home ... drive a fairly new and decent car ... take anywhere between eight to ten weeks holidays, usually in the Carribean or go overseas to do some volunteer work ... no bills owing ... have a tidy sum put away for a rainy day...and a girlfriend of nine years (who has no plans to have kids -we've discussed this in detail from day one). Plus for some who follow the sports discussion section of the board - I did manage the "Things I want to do or see before I die" list.
I'm almost 40 and I like the way things have turned out for me - but certainly it wasn't by accident, it was by design. Some people do enjoy the family life -props for them. But for me, I prefer single life, or sooner than later joining the legion of DINKS (double income, no kids) out there.
You've got it all wrong. You're thinking about marriage and kids before you even have a girl to consider those things.
Ask me if I want to be married and have kids right now. The answer is no.
BUT if I meet the right girl then yes I'd consider it.
To be honest I'd love to have someone to get excited about building a home, sharing experiences, going on trips, fabulous sex and that sorta stuff. But I'm probably asking for too much.
Ask me if I want to be married and have kids right now. The answer is no.
BUT if I meet the right girl then yes I'd consider it.
To be honest I'd love to have someone to get excited about building a home, sharing experiences, going on trips, fabulous sex and that sorta stuff. But I'm probably asking for too much.
No and No.
50% Divorce Rate. How many existing marriages are happy? Bad odds all around.
Alimony, child support, divorce lawyers. Miss two payments, and you're in prison as someone's biatch.
50% Divorce Rate. How many existing marriages are happy? Bad odds all around.
Alimony, child support, divorce lawyers. Miss two payments, and you're in prison as someone's biatch.
Never been married , and never expect to be. on the other hand I believe in never say never. I cant see commiting myself to the same person for the rest of my life. there are just too many distractions out there for me to be faithfull and if I married I would want to be faithfull, otherwise whats the point?
so, no to marriage, yes to my hobby...long live the hobby!!
so, no to marriage, yes to my hobby...long live the hobby!!
I'm a bit of a romantic so I still believe in the institution of marriage or at the very least I can appreciate that our society is best suited for couples (in terms of living expenses etc).
I think 50% is decieving because I think people are too quick to get married and too quick to get divorced. These two factors seriously skew the results.
So your personal odds can be better if you take the time to really think it through, try living together and talk things out when there's a problem.
I'm by no means saying that if you got divorced you didn't try and fix it.
I think 50% is decieving because I think people are too quick to get married and too quick to get divorced. These two factors seriously skew the results.
So your personal odds can be better if you take the time to really think it through, try living together and talk things out when there's a problem.
I'm by no means saying that if you got divorced you didn't try and fix it.
Have A Common Law Partner
If u just want to pass your genes then have a common law & have kids through her, with no strings attached. its legal in many provinces of North America, if she becomes even 500 lbs with no strings attached u are not at any risk at allrevolution said:Being 21 years old, marriage is definately not the first thing on my mind, but I keep thinking to myself... do I want to get married, do I want to have kids?
Married men tend to live happier lives than their single counterparts, and they also tend to live longer... but being with only one woman for the rest of my life is a scary thought. What if she decides she doesn't want to keep in shape after we get married, and then lets herself go becoming a 400 pound manatee? That would suck, and the process of getting a divorce is costly, time consuming and extremely stressful. The sex would only last about 20-25 years or so before she goes through menopause and then she'll never be interested in sex again.
And what about kids? If you have kids early on in the marriage your sex life will be non-existant, you'll be stressed out, you'll have a huge financial burden etc. etc.... but then I think to myself how can I not pass on my genes to the next generation? I have great genes, the world would be at a significant loss if my genes aren't passed on.
It's a tough decision to make...
I know every one has their own perspective...
So...to answer the question, yes and yes.
Do I regret getting married a second time? Some days, yes. About 5 months ago things were REALLY in the shitter for SEVERAL DAYS in a row. But one of the things I have come to accept is that no thing or person is perfect, and that includes me. Communication, communication and then some more communication is the key....along with sometimes just accepting that you just aren't going to be happy all the time.
But just today I went to pick up my kid, and he came RUNNING to me screaming "Daddy" with the biggest grin on his face. To be honest, that is why I got married (again) - I wanted nothing more in the world than to be a father. I know some people regret becoming parents - I've never met them.
So...now that I am a parent, why do I stay married? Because I still say that nothing in life beats the singular seminal experience of knowing the true love of a woman. Not love of your car, your money, your charm (though that helps)...but to know you have a PARTNER in life. Most days things are "ok". Some days they are bad. But the days when it is good....when I catch my wife looking at me with "that look" in her eye...when she sneaks up behind me and hugs me tight and says "I am so lucky to have you"...when she and I share a heartfelt belly laugh at something only the two of us would find funny....those days MORE than make up for the days when she pisses me off.
It also helps to remember that I piss her off. That I too have gained weight. That I too fuck up (like last week when I flat out forgot we made plans to go to the movies).
I've been single....really single. Not as a multimillionaire...but I was living in New York...Downtown Manhattan...making REALLY good money, with a pretty hot GF who loved to fuck, and a long distance relationship with a woman who loved me enough that one day she would marry me, and who waited (while dating others) for me to wake the fuck up and figure it out. I had would most guys would consider it "all".
It PALES in comparison to my dull ass married existence with kid now. House, yard, two cars in the garage...all on like 2/3 the money…the whole boring ass nine yards. Would not give it up for one second.
My former single life was sizzle. What I have now is steak. Sizzle is impressive, but steak satisfies your appetite.
But that is me. Everybody has to live for themselves...But I have been in all of life’s phases on this topic….Single…married…divorced…married again…and I like this one best.
Though I admit I wouldn’t have minded making this kinda money before I got married the first time…I think I might have held off a few more years…LOL...and BTW...21 is WAY too young to be even pondering this...
...but when a similar thread was posted some time ago, I offered that the only guys who could REALLY offer some perspective are those who have been married....divorced...and married again. Such guys (such as myself) have been never married....married....single and divorced....and married again (hopefully with a bit more wisdom in the choice).revolution said:Being 21 years old, marriage is definately not the first thing on my mind, but I keep thinking to myself... do I want to get married, do I want to have kids?
Married men tend to live happier lives than their single counterparts, and they also tend to live longer... but being with only one woman for the rest of my life is a scary thought. What if she decides she doesn't want to keep in shape after we get married, and then lets herself go becoming a 400 pound manatee? That would suck, and the process of getting a divorce is costly, time consuming and extremely stressful. The sex would only last about 20-25 years or so before she goes through menopause and then she'll never be interested in sex again.
And what about kids? If you have kids early on in the marriage your sex life will be non-existant, you'll be stressed out, you'll have a huge financial burden etc. etc.... but then I think to myself how can I not pass on my genes to the next generation? I have great genes, the world would be at a significant loss if my genes aren't passed on.
It's a tough decision to make...
So...to answer the question, yes and yes.
Do I regret getting married a second time? Some days, yes. About 5 months ago things were REALLY in the shitter for SEVERAL DAYS in a row. But one of the things I have come to accept is that no thing or person is perfect, and that includes me. Communication, communication and then some more communication is the key....along with sometimes just accepting that you just aren't going to be happy all the time.
But just today I went to pick up my kid, and he came RUNNING to me screaming "Daddy" with the biggest grin on his face. To be honest, that is why I got married (again) - I wanted nothing more in the world than to be a father. I know some people regret becoming parents - I've never met them.
So...now that I am a parent, why do I stay married? Because I still say that nothing in life beats the singular seminal experience of knowing the true love of a woman. Not love of your car, your money, your charm (though that helps)...but to know you have a PARTNER in life. Most days things are "ok". Some days they are bad. But the days when it is good....when I catch my wife looking at me with "that look" in her eye...when she sneaks up behind me and hugs me tight and says "I am so lucky to have you"...when she and I share a heartfelt belly laugh at something only the two of us would find funny....those days MORE than make up for the days when she pisses me off.
It also helps to remember that I piss her off. That I too have gained weight. That I too fuck up (like last week when I flat out forgot we made plans to go to the movies).
I've been single....really single. Not as a multimillionaire...but I was living in New York...Downtown Manhattan...making REALLY good money, with a pretty hot GF who loved to fuck, and a long distance relationship with a woman who loved me enough that one day she would marry me, and who waited (while dating others) for me to wake the fuck up and figure it out. I had would most guys would consider it "all".
It PALES in comparison to my dull ass married existence with kid now. House, yard, two cars in the garage...all on like 2/3 the money…the whole boring ass nine yards. Would not give it up for one second.
My former single life was sizzle. What I have now is steak. Sizzle is impressive, but steak satisfies your appetite.
But that is me. Everybody has to live for themselves...But I have been in all of life’s phases on this topic….Single…married…divorced…married again…and I like this one best.
Though I admit I wouldn’t have minded making this kinda money before I got married the first time…I think I might have held off a few more years…LOL...and BTW...21 is WAY too young to be even pondering this...
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Great post MLAM,
I've never been married but I always suspected that part of the failure of marriages has to do with something you touched on. Nothing is going to be perfect everyday and you have to look at the big picture.
I've never been married but I always suspected that part of the failure of marriages has to do with something you touched on. Nothing is going to be perfect everyday and you have to look at the big picture.
That was an excellent post... at my age I have no responsiblities, I can do what I want, fuck around with girls at parties, and I love this lifestyle... but then I think to myself what about I'm 50 and old? How many girls would want to do me then without paying for it?MLAM said:
I would want a wife and kids, but it's so difficult, it takes so much effort, and it could end biting me in the ass. The single life, or bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend is fun, it satisfies me emotionally and physically, I'm too confused now and too young, I'll get back to you in 10 years and tell you what I've decided.
Exactly, but make it 20 years. At 40 if you're still even a bit good-looking and have a decent job you will be a great catch. Then get with a 25 to 30 year old woman who you have been friends with if possible, for as long as possible and then make it permanent. The partnership aspect of marriage is much more important than sex, in the long run. If the sex wanes or you get bored, check out Terb.
Kids are the best, very hard work and very rewarding -- my son is still pre-school and it's a ton of fun, I get back what I put in and then some.
But don't be in a hurry, have fun and get into something when you're ready.
Kids are the best, very hard work and very rewarding -- my son is still pre-school and it's a ton of fun, I get back what I put in and then some.
But don't be in a hurry, have fun and get into something when you're ready.
I will agree...
I wouldn't go after the 25 year olds though. Not only are they usually pretty immature (as in I personally cannot stand to be around them), but they also tend to prefer either a) 25 yo guys with motorcycles, or b) 40 year old guys willing to buy THEM a motorcyle. Neither of these make for a good basis to start a relationship leading to marriage. I personally just don't see a 25 yo being mature / grounded enough to really make a go at marriage...unrealistic expectations....lack of patience.
Again though...to each there own...
....that the odds get ALOT better for guys between 35 - 40 than between 25 - 30. 30 is just about the point when women wake up and realize "umm...maybe I should quit fucking around and meet some guy I want to be with, versus some guy who just happens to have a motorcycle". My wife's single GFs show open envy towards her...especially the one REALLY single 31 year old.DATYdude said:
I wouldn't go after the 25 year olds though. Not only are they usually pretty immature (as in I personally cannot stand to be around them), but they also tend to prefer either a) 25 yo guys with motorcycles, or b) 40 year old guys willing to buy THEM a motorcyle. Neither of these make for a good basis to start a relationship leading to marriage. I personally just don't see a 25 yo being mature / grounded enough to really make a go at marriage...unrealistic expectations....lack of patience.
Again though...to each there own...
