approaching women in public
- Thread starter desert monk
- Start date
you will never tell by just looking at her .. you have to say hello first.. no harm in starting of a conversation with a simple harmless hello. or good day... how are you today? then go from there
What about women who are with a friend? I often see good looking women I would like to approach with a friend. Should I just look for ones that are solo?
Get used to chatting with strangers, just light breezy conversation. Even if you're not attracted to them it's good practice.
Be polite and respectful, the confidence will come later.
Don't mention her appearance, talk about the situation around you. For instance if you're in a lineup for coffee, say you should bring a thermos from home and you'd save a fortune. Something light you would just toss out.
If you're at a music festival like Caribana, you have a head start with a common interest - ask her if she's been going for a few years or if she has a favourite food.
You might get lucky and find someone who wants to chat, then you can tell her how much you enjoyed meeting her and get a phone number or you could ask her out for a drink right there.
If she's not interested, that's okay - you made a small connection and she might even be secretly flattered. The next one might be more interested.
Be polite and respectful, the confidence will come later.
Don't mention her appearance, talk about the situation around you. For instance if you're in a lineup for coffee, say you should bring a thermos from home and you'd save a fortune. Something light you would just toss out.
If you're at a music festival like Caribana, you have a head start with a common interest - ask her if she's been going for a few years or if she has a favourite food.
You might get lucky and find someone who wants to chat, then you can tell her how much you enjoyed meeting her and get a phone number or you could ask her out for a drink right there.
If she's not interested, that's okay - you made a small connection and she might even be secretly flattered. The next one might be more interested.
I wouldn`t waste my time randomly trying to pick up women who have not even noticed that I exist.
I require an inviting look and smile or hello.
I require an inviting look and smile or hello.
"Hi, I saw you checking me out and thought I would come over to say hello."
"What?"
"You're right. This will never work out. I'm way out of your league."
"Hey there, I wanted to ask you guys a question."
"What's that?"
"Which one of you is better at giving blowjobs?"
There is a difference between real confidence and being obnoxious. Sadly many females can't be able to tell the difference, so if you don't have real confidence, you can fake it, which ends up coming across as jerkishness.
He who dares wins. Sadly, not only can I not pull off the obnoxious I want to fuck you without offense, I have trouble pulling off the "Hello" without coming across as some sort of cereal rapist. But hey, that Snap Crackle and Pop are just so hot, I can't control myself.
I know one person who overcame social awkwardness by taking up drinking. It actually worked for him.
Something the Macc Lads agree with
I think the most reliable way to meet someone is through a friend of a friend, or at least some form of mutual acquaintance. I take a similar approach to making friends in general, usually through a co-worker or an introduction. I generally do not talk to any strangers (male or female) unless it is absolutely necessary (an evidence of my tendencies as a loner, as well as my naturally suspicious nature).
Two answers:
First answer: Realistically it's a numbers game. If you try enough times just talking to women (a) eventually it will work, and (b) practice makes perfect. Just suck up the courage and do it, but know that you are likely to be shot down many times. Partly because you are going to fuck it up the first few times before you learn. Partly because it's a numbers game--you get shot down a hell of a lot more often than you get "yes".
Second answer: The odds are horribly against you if you walk up to a girl "cold" and just start chatting her up. You are MUCH more likely to succeed if you have an "in". That is, something in common. It could be that you have a mutual friend, it could be that you are both experiencing the same frustrating situation together. An "in" is something that allows you to start up a conversation naturally, because ANYONE in that situation would have had a conversation, because NOT having a conversation in the presence of the "in" would be weird. Like a friend introduces you--it would be weird NOT to have a conversation. With an "in" your odds are about 10 times better of getting a number.
In consideration of the overwhelming importance of the "in" the real trick is to set your life up to create the maximum possible number of "ins".
Literally what this leads to is some pretty simple advice: Chat up everyone. Not just for dating. Start conversations with strangers. Pretty women. Ugly women. Men. Anyone. Find topics, and start conversations. What this leads to is a lot of random situations where you are chatting with this ugly girl, or this guy, or whatever, and out of nowhere this hot girl comes along and joins the conversation. Welcome to your in. Basically you create your own luck by being as social as you can be with as many people as you can--sooner or later it'll lead to the conversation you really wanted.
The other plus to all of that is that by engaging as many people as you can as often as you can you are practicing your small talk MOSTLY in non-threatening situations, meaning, situations where you have nothing to gain or lose, so your stomach isn't crawling up into your throat. The skills you gain from generally engaging with everyone will serve you really, really well when that hot girl comes along and your stomach is doing back-flips--but you'll have some common topics and jokes and stories from all those other conversations, and you'll pull it off.
First answer: Realistically it's a numbers game. If you try enough times just talking to women (a) eventually it will work, and (b) practice makes perfect. Just suck up the courage and do it, but know that you are likely to be shot down many times. Partly because you are going to fuck it up the first few times before you learn. Partly because it's a numbers game--you get shot down a hell of a lot more often than you get "yes".
Second answer: The odds are horribly against you if you walk up to a girl "cold" and just start chatting her up. You are MUCH more likely to succeed if you have an "in". That is, something in common. It could be that you have a mutual friend, it could be that you are both experiencing the same frustrating situation together. An "in" is something that allows you to start up a conversation naturally, because ANYONE in that situation would have had a conversation, because NOT having a conversation in the presence of the "in" would be weird. Like a friend introduces you--it would be weird NOT to have a conversation. With an "in" your odds are about 10 times better of getting a number.
In consideration of the overwhelming importance of the "in" the real trick is to set your life up to create the maximum possible number of "ins".
Literally what this leads to is some pretty simple advice: Chat up everyone. Not just for dating. Start conversations with strangers. Pretty women. Ugly women. Men. Anyone. Find topics, and start conversations. What this leads to is a lot of random situations where you are chatting with this ugly girl, or this guy, or whatever, and out of nowhere this hot girl comes along and joins the conversation. Welcome to your in. Basically you create your own luck by being as social as you can be with as many people as you can--sooner or later it'll lead to the conversation you really wanted.
The other plus to all of that is that by engaging as many people as you can as often as you can you are practicing your small talk MOSTLY in non-threatening situations, meaning, situations where you have nothing to gain or lose, so your stomach isn't crawling up into your throat. The skills you gain from generally engaging with everyone will serve you really, really well when that hot girl comes along and your stomach is doing back-flips--but you'll have some common topics and jokes and stories from all those other conversations, and you'll pull it off.
IF the girl is miles out of your league introduce yourself anyway. It's surprising how many girls you think are "miles out of your league" actually don't care about the things you think they do. I have had a long string of girlfriends (and wife) all of whom would appear to be miles out of my league. I don't know if there's a trick, but if there is, I think it's that I just treated them like regular people, and did not approach them as if they were miles out of my league.
If you really believe this; you've a lot to learn about women. Obnoxiousness is never an endearing quality, I don't care how good-looking you are.
I have a friend who fits the 'tall, dark and handsome' cliche to a T, better than conventionally attractive; the above strategy didn't work for him, and he's been rejected far more times than you'd think.
