Advice Needed

[New World]

need some help/advice

Known this girl (co-worker) for over 5 years now. Lately over the last 8 months there has been a lot of animosity between us, we both left our old employer recently to join a new firm in downtown Toronto. I want to know if this women is still a friend or not a friend and if I can trust (my gut says no) her as a business partner. btw I was the person that instigated the formation of our new firm

1. ever since we met at our old employer we use to always hang out socially lunch/dinner/concerts etc (this has stopped in the last 8 months or so)
2. she is engaged I also have to say that I do not/never had have any interest in a relationship other than Friends/business partner.
3. Now she watches everything I do and is always asking "why didn't you do this etc"? even at the company Xmas party she was with her fiancé and I went solo...I invited a friend of mine "potential client" to come to the party because it was a public place and our company did make it a private party so she actually complained to out other partner that I should not have done that and its not right....
4. She is asking other acquaintances what is your opinion of "Me"... why I'n not sure
5. She is always asking me about the people that I meet. she evened questioned me when I posted on my facebook that I cant waite to see this girl that I met on the weekend again
6. Often when I ask her a question she has this look on her face that why are you asking me this... Im not interested in anything you have to ask

So to conclude these are questions that I want all your opinions on
1. what is her problem if any with me
2. Is she a friend?
3. What are her intentions in this firm we have started - may I was stuiped to ask her to be one of the partners
4 Can I trust her and can we move forward in business

 

[MuffinMuncher]

If you have to ask the question about whether someone is a friend or if you can trust them, the answer is no.

Now that you know that answer, involving her in a business partnership is insane unless she brings some invaluable contribution that outweighs the potential damage she could do.

She's a cancer - treat it or remove it, but if you just ignore the situation, it will get worse until it eventually kills everything you built.

 

[capncrunch]

Based on the limited information supplied:

1. what is her problem if any with me

You're dominant (because you were the one that invited her into the partnership). She may resent that, so she's trying to flex her metaphorical muscles.

2. Is she a friend?

In your previous employment, you were probably equals. Her friendship was based on your previous relationship; now that you're in a dominant position, he dynamic has changed. It makes her uncomfortable (though she'd deny it until her dying breath).

3. What are her intentions in this firm we have started - may I was stuiped to ask her to be one of the partners

Stupid? No. You brought her into the fold based on your previous experience with her, which sounds like it was all positive. There's no way you could have known how she'd react once the dynamic changed. It's a crap shoot. As to her intentions, it looks clear to me (which is, of course, from a distance) that she'd do whatever she can to run the firm her way even if it runs counter to yours. Now, some of that is good; it's always a positive thing to have two people focused on a common goal even though their methods may be different. After all, we can learn from the input of others. But based on this, I can't be sure if she is focused on the same goal as you.

4 Can I trust her and can we move forward in business

Frankly, I think not. If you re-assert yourself as dominant, she'll rebel and maybe even sabotage your efforts. If you bring her along as an equal, she'll likely perceive you as weak and you'll have a helluva time getting her cooperation on things.

Beyond all of this, it sounds like she's really nosey and intent on prying into your personal business all the time. Who needs that?

As I was typing this, I see that MuffinMuncher has responded. Now, I disagree to the extent that it's important to ask yourself those questions about trust. In other words, I don't believe in the whole, "If you have to ask the question about whether someone is a friend or if you can trust them, the answer is no" scenario.

That said, I have to concur with his cancer metaphor.

 

[Jade4u]

Sounds like a back stabber to me.

Beware of your number 4.

 

[a 1 player]

You only have one friend at work. Your pay check.

 

[Jade4u]

Backstabbing at work

Beat the backstabber

http://ezinearticles.com/?Beat-the-Backstabber&id=942964

http://www.joanlloyd.com/articles/open.asp?art=324.htm

 

[Questor]

Ask her what's been jammed up her ass for the last 8 months. No, not really. That's too confrontational. But do talk to her. Tell her of your concerns. Explain how you have perceived her behavior and how it has changed. Tell her it is becoming increasingly difficult to work with her. See what she says. Tell her that you would like to re-establish the positive working relationship you used to have.

Some of the advise above talks about how you were equals and now how you are the dominant one. As far as I can see, this is supposition on their part. I don't recall you actually saying that. What you did say is,"btw I was the person that instigated the formation of our new firm." So who owns the firm? How much capital have you put into it compared to her? What is your title in the company and what is hers? Are you in fact "dominant"? Where are the other partners in this? Who has ultimate authority in the new firm? These are all questions that need to be addressed.

btw, I have no experience in the kind of business environment you are talking about. These kind of power games that posters are describing above, personally I wouldn't want to be involved. But maybe that is the reality you have to deal with on an ongoing basis.

Oh, and no, you can't trust her.

 

[stang]

Sounds like she needs a good lay.

 

[skypilot]

Reading between the lines I think you have alot more interest in her (and I am sure that you will loudly deny it) than she has in you.
In fact, no she is probably not a friend, and no she doesn't want a relationship with you.


But this:

when I posted on my facebook that I cant waite to see this girl that I met on the weekend again

Thats really gay. I mean really really gay. Who the hell posts silly shit like this on the internet unless maybe you thought it might get her jealous. Her mentioning it is probably just her way of laughing at you.

 

[Never Compromised]

You need to sit down and clear the air. Have her list what she thinks of as her duties and her area's of responsibility, and then have her do the same for for yours. Ask her to assess how things have been going, what the strengths and weakness of the new venture are. Have her list any problems that she thinks the venture is facing.

Then you do the same. Then see how you might or might not be able to continue in the present form.

As for the Christmas Party, ours was an open house for clients, potential clients, friends of the principals, suppliers and staff. And I got the impression staff were only there to help potential clients become clients.