Advice for a new hobbyist

[Hipjdog]

Hi OP,

Regarding your consideration to seeing SP's:

If you have the money I'd say go for it. Sex is one of life's great joys, and your sex drive is going to decrease
as you age, so you might as well enjoy it while you have it.

Regarding fear of women and lack of relationships:

It is natural to feel scared about approaching women. Every man feels anxiety in doing so, or at least did in the past.
No one wants to be humiliated.

What lowers this anxiety considerably is experience. Talk to women. Talk to women you aren't attracted to. Talk to
women you are attracted to with no expectation of it turning into anything.

Women like a guy with value. Someone who reads, takes care of his body and has interesting hobbies and interests.
Someone with both male and female friends. Someone who enjoys his career. Try to cultivate a life like this.

Most people meet their spouse through work or school. If those are dead ends for you, have a hobby that gets you out of the
house. If you like volleyball, join a league. There will be like minded people there.

Good luck!

 

[GuySmiley]

Any advice for a man who havent lost his V-card at age 31? I havent been able to build relationships outside of just work acquaintances and have loss most connections from school/university. Plus I havent even had a girlfriend before. I have always been awkward around women and dont really know how to interact with them. I have tried dating apps, and was not able to get many matches or even proceed to meeting a match for almost 1 year. There is a strong urge to just hobby at the end of this year and try it out so that at least I know what the experience is like and maybe that can lessen my anxiousness around women. On hindsight, for those who chose this path, were there any drawbacks or things that backfired for you after?

Thanks for any input

Buddy, a lot of us are late bloomers. Firstly, no shame in that.

Know if you're considering seeing a sex worker, it's for some sense of companionship and release. And yes, that can lead to sense of fulfillment but also the realization that you're valued solely for your wallet which, in my opinion, and as someone who has stepped away from this 'hobby', can lead to an addiction that obliterates your self-worth. You'll just view women as sex objects and not as people. You'll live in a fantasy land for 40min or 60mnin or 120min and then the veil gets lifted.

Also, can we please not
call it a hobby? Nobody is painting miniature planes over here. It's a very innocuous word for what can be a very self-damaging activity.

Sex workers aren't your friends. They'll be friendly, yes but they are there to make money off you. As long as you're okay with that, then dip a toe in those waters and experience it. For me, I had to do it for awhile to make me realize how mentally horrendous it was for me. My point is, if you're doing this in an effort to feel "less anxiousness around women", I can sort of see your point...But realize this isn't a real social interaction - this is a transaction. She's GOING to fake liking you or enjoying your presence because you're PAYING her. So that's not going to prepare you at all for 'real women' so to speak. Because real women aren't going to moan ecstatically at your every move. Sex work is like 'non-feedback sex' and I'd argue it doesn't improve your self-worth or ability as a lover.

My advice? Read more. Hit the gym. Focus in on work. THOSE activities will catapult your self-worth, build up confidence, and make you more at ease around women.

 

[GuySmiley]

In my case, I really can't say for sure. Confidence is something that was very lacking in my youth, though now as I've grown older isn't really an issue anymore. I've pretty much given up on trying to figure out why I am the way I am at this point, I've just accepted it.

Anything can be changed through force of habit and adjustment of attitude. It's actually sad to read that. PM me if you like.

 

[Sweetface09]

Sex workers aren't your friends. They'll be friendly, yes but they are there to make money off you. As long as you're okay with that, then dip a toe in those waters and experience it. For me, I had to do it for awhile to make me realize how mentally horrendous it was for me. My point is, if you're doing this in an effort to feel "less anxiousness around women", I can sort of see your point...But realize this isn't a real social interaction - this is a transaction. She's GOING to fake liking you or enjoying your presence because you're PAYING her. So that's not going to prepare you at all for 'real women' so to speak. Because real women aren't going to moan ecstatically at your every move. Sex work is like 'non-feedback sex' and I'd argue it doesn't improve your self-worth or ability as a lover.

Agree with this 100%. Yea sure you will meet someone who gives you the attention when you're together but it's transactional. In order for you to get that attention again you will have to pay up. Not to say you won't make a genuine connection but her time will cost you

 

[bunfun2024]

Agree with this 100%. Yea sure you will meet someone who gives you the attention when you're together but it's transactional. In order for you to get that attention again you will have to pay up. Not to say you won't make a genuine connection but her time will cost you

Regarding giving attention 100% to a potential partner seems so hard to attain at this age. Most of dating app matches will ghost you and that further withers away confidence, at least that is from my own experience. Im still have not gotten my feet wet. It may seem calculative and not a healthy view, but I see that you're spending money either using SP or investing/building relationship with a lady, so why not have a more enjoyable time and less drama. I know Im flawed and please be easy on me, but does anyone share the same sentiment?

My advice? Read more. Hit the gym. Focus in on work. THOSE activities will catapult your self-worth, build up confidence, and make you more at ease around women.

Thanks for your advice! Maybe Im just lazy, I already want to retire from work and the only thing keeping to work is that mindset of building a nest for a potential partner, but seems too hard to get one these days. Not a big exercising person, but I do enjoy walking around when Im travelling, but most running clubs are in DT which makes it hard for me to attend some of these events.

 

[GuySmiley]

Regarding giving attention 100% to a potential partner seems so hard to attain at this age. Most of dating app matches will ghost you and that further withers away confidence, at least that is from my own experience. Im still have not gotten my feet wet. It may seem calculative and not a healthy view, but I see that you're spending money either using SP or investing/building relationship with a lady, so why not have a more enjoyable time and less drama. I know Im flawed and please be easy on me, but does anyone share the same sentiment?



Thanks for your advice! Maybe Im just lazy, I already want to retire from work and the only thing keeping to work is that mindset of building a nest for a potential partner, but seems too hard to get one these days. Not a big exercising person, but I do enjoy walking around when Im travelling, but most running clubs are in DT which makes it hard for me to attend some of these events.

The secret is: Just start. That's it. Nothing revelatory. Start and you'll see the positive outcomes sooner than you'd think.