Advice : Do not marry a stay at home mom.........................Agree or Disagree.

[Jenesis]

Its not like men do not put in emotional labor. Women dont do more or less than men in a strong marriage. There is this inflated narrative of women being the supreme sacrificers and men just enjoying the ride, which is utter nonsense.

Most men put in the very least emotional labor possible. Most men believe that working or not - dishes, laundry, cooking etc is still woman’s work.

Most men believe that simply working and cutting the grass on weekends is enough. And their “emotional” investment is shown when they do the dishes FOR their wife( because it is somehow a favour to her, not the man just carrying part of the chore load that they all contribute too) and then think that means sexy time should be coming their way because of how “nice” they are.

As for the narrative of supreme sacrifices - until you push out a child after carrying it and literally growing said child in your body, you don’t know the level of sacrifice. Yes men work. And work hard. I get it. I would not want to work in the trades for example. It is hard on the body. I totally agree. It still does not do the damage to a man’s body like child bearing does for us. And I would have to look it up but I don’t think the death rate in trade-work is as high as it is for expecting mothers. You really just can’t compare it but it is why this narrative exists.

 

[urururu]

Just do not marry

 

[Gsh]

My mother was a stay-at-home mom. I think it was really good for us as children, having a parent who was always around, and her being our primary teacher when we were very young. But I'm not so sure it was good for her.

In the past, when many women were stay-at-home moms, they would form a social network in the neighbourhood. Not necessarily good friends, but casual acquaintances and people you see and chat with fairly regularly. But now, I think being a stay-at-home mom is a lot more isolating as the "networks" have moved to work.

If someone is thinking about being a stay-at-home mom, I think they need a serious plan to deal with this isolation. It's too easy for it to naturally happen in modern society.

 

[krealtarron]

Love when dudes are talking about strong marriages on an escort forum

I only started seeing escorts after my wife passed. So yes I know a thing or two about a strong marriage.

 

[krealtarron]

Most men put in the very least emotional labor possible. Most men believe that working or not - dishes, laundry, cooking etc is still woman’s work.

Most men believe that simply working and cutting the grass on weekends is enough. And their “emotional” investment is shown when they do the dishes FOR their wife( because it is somehow a favour to her, not the man just carrying part of the chore load that they all contribute too) and then think that means sexy time should be coming their way because of how “nice” they are.

As for the narrative of supreme sacrifices - until you push out a child after carrying it and literally growing said child in your body, you don’t know the level of sacrifice. Yes men work. And work hard. I get it. I would not want to work in the trades for example. It is hard on the body. I totally agree. It still does not do the damage to a man’s body like child bearing does for us. And I would have to look it up but I don’t think the death rate in trade-work is as high as it is for expecting mothers. You really just can’t compare it but it is why this narrative exists.

I may be wrong but I dont think you are or have been married. I can assure you none of your assumptions here are true. Heck my father who is 92 now, used to do the dishes and other housework to help out.

Your post also assumes that only men need sex. That is both old fashioned and surprising coming from a SP.

 

[TML1967]

Most men put in the very least emotional labor possible. Most men believe that working or not - dishes, laundry, cooking etc is still woman’s work.

Most men believe that simply working and cutting the grass on weekends is enough. And their “emotional” investment is shown when they do the dishes FOR their wife( because it is somehow a favour to her, not the man just carrying part of the chore load that they all contribute too) and then think that means sexy time should be coming their way because of how “nice” they are.

As for the narrative of supreme sacrifices - until you push out a child after carrying it and literally growing said child in your body, you don’t know the level of sacrifice. Yes men work. And work hard. I get it. I would not want to work in the trades for example. It is hard on the body. I totally agree. It still does not do the damage to a man’s body like child bearing does for us. And I would have to look it up but I don’t think the death rate in trade-work is as high as it is for expecting mothers. You really just can’t compare it but it is why this narrative exists.

I’d take the advice of a married man over anyone who believes that their perspective is the only voice of reason. Life is never just white or black. It is the grey that makes it interesting. For every male that lacks emotional intelligence, there is a female counterpart out there as well. The times have changed, and many roles are interchangeable. Further, many roles have been reversed. Speaking on the modern male/female family nucleus. Today, I’ve come across men who connect more than women with their children on an emotional level. While at the same time, women are the primary breadwinner. It isn’t to say one gender does it better or worse. Why continue to live mentally in that predicament ? The fact that women and men can play both roles isn’t a new thing. They’ve always had the capacity. Our present society permits and supports the functions of sacrifice couples or marriages work on to build healthy relationships. Why don't we focus on that versus who does it better?!

 

[Jenesis]

I may be wrong but I dont think you are or have been married. I can assure you none of your assumptions here are true. Heck my father who is 92 now, used to do the dishes and other housework to help out.

Your post also assumes that only men need sex. That is both old fashioned and surprising coming from a SP.

You are surprised that as an SP, I believe that mostly men want sex in their relationship more so than women? Really??? That shocks you???

Again, I didn’t say all men. And I’m hardly the first woman to suggest these things. Like come on. Don’t play games. Seriously.

And I have been in relationships before. I haven’t always been single and an SP you know. I have cohabited and have friends who have and are married living together.

Again, I’m not say all men. Im not even saying that you dad was the “exception to the rule” because many men are like your dad too but you can’t deny the fact that many men aren’t like that as well.

 

[Jenesis]

I’d take the advice of a married man over anyone who believes that their perspective is the only voice of reason. Life is never just white or black. It is the grey that makes it interesting. For every male that lacks emotional intelligence, there is a female counterpart out there as well. The times have changed, and many roles are interchangeable. Further, many roles have been reversed. Speaking on the modern male/female family nucleus. Today, I’ve come across men who connect more than women with their children on an emotional level. While at the same time, women are the primary breadwinner. It isn’t to say one gender does it better or worse. Why continue to live mentally in that predicament ? The fact that women and men can play both roles isn’t a new thing. They’ve always had the capacity. Our present society permits and supports the functions of sacrifice couples or marriages work on to build healthy relationships. Why don't we focus on that versus who does it better?!

Where did I say one does it “better”? I just explained some of one side. Never did I negate there are multiple sides and never did I say one was better then other.

I mean I was actually quite clear with the body sacrifice narrative. I didn’t say one was wrong or right or better or worse. Just explained where the narrative comes from and why.

 

[ExpCharlee]

I only started seeing escorts after my wife passed. So yes I know a thing or two about a strong marriage.

I’m sorry 🤍

my foot is directly in my mouth now isn’t it. And not in a sexy way

 

[ExpCharlee]

You are surprised that as an SP, I believe that mostly men want sex in their relationship more so than women? Really??? That shocks you???

Again, I didn’t say all men. And I’m hardly the first woman to suggest these things. Like come on. Don’t play games. Seriously.

And I have been in relationships before. I haven’t always been single and an SP you know. I have cohabited and have friends who have and are married living together.

Again, I’m not say all men. Im not even saying that you dad was the “exception to the rule” because many men are like your dad too but you can’t deny the fact that many men aren’t like that as well.

women are actually statistically more horny than men. It’s a shitty and scary political climate that’s made us shut our legs. No bigger turnoff than dudes who don’t see being a stay at home mom as a viable job.

 

[ExpCharlee]

Yes men work. And work hard. I get it. I would not want to work in the trades for example. It is hard on the body.

Also just a quick note! Babe we literally work in a trade. It’s dangerous AND hard on the body.

 

[TML1967]

Where did I say one does it “better”? I just explained some of one side. Never did I negate there are multiple sides and never did I say one was better then other.

I mean I was actually quite clear with the body sacrifice narrative. I didn’t say one was wrong or right or better or worse. Just explained where the narrative comes from and why.

To have an actual resemblance or answer to those examples. You would have to interview all men/women from all over the world with respect to their strengths and weaknesses. In certain parts of the world, the research would give merit to those examples. In other regions, not so much. My point was they're all personal human qualities, not gender-specific ones. Yes, we all want to feed our stigmas and cognitive dissonance. Let's not fall prey to that even though our brains prefer it that way.

 

[Jenesis]

To have an actual resemblance or answer to those examples. You would have to interview all men/women from all over the world with respect to their strengths and weaknesses. In certain parts of the world, the research would give merit to those examples. In other regions, not so much. My point was they're all personal human qualities, not gender-specific ones. Yes, we all want to feed our stigmas and cognitive dissonance. Let's not fall prey to that even though our brains prefer it that way.

Some of it is gender based though. My pregnancy example of wear and tear on the body is gender specific. I can’t change that.

 

[TML1967]

Some of it is gender based though. My pregnancy example of wear and tear on the body is gender specific. I can’t change that.

Definitely! My examples were meant to be reflective of personal characteristics, attributes, traits, not physiological.

 

[Jenesis]

Definitely! My examples were meant to be reflective of personal characteristics, attributes, traits, not physiological.

Got Ya! Thanks.

 

[james t kirk]

I may be wrong but I dont think you are or have been married. I can assure you none of your assumptions here are true. Heck my father who is 92 now, used to do the dishes and other housework to help out.

Your post also assumes that only men need sex. That is both old fashioned and surprising coming from a SP.

Yeah, both my parents worked. Initially my mother stayed at home, but did return to full time working when me and my siblinngs were all in primary school

But my father was no slouch when it came to working around the house and full time in a god awful environment. He used to cook the simple meals, do laundry, grocery shop, do all the work on and around the house, hustle 4 kids. My mother used to work full time, and she cooked (though she did the more elaborate meals while my father was bbq king and simpler meals. Us kids used to help out cleaning.

If I had to judge it as a whole, honestly, my father did two thirds of the household stuff and my mother did a third, but my mother was more involved with the kids. My mother would be exhausted when she came home from work. My father was tough as nails. He worked in a hell hole, he took every minute of overtime he could get and would often work 7 days a week for months on end. And he worked 3 rotating shifts at that. (If you've ever done that, you'll know that you never get a good sleep and your head is always in a fog.) He worked his ass off. But he grew up dirt poor without a mother in the northwest end of Hamilton where if someone was following you too close walking down the street you hit him with a garbage can lid. He drove a shit box and didn't give a fuck about that, and he never complained once and never expected fuck all. He was a rock.

 

[MindJohn]

There is truth to what she says about couples drifting apart with the wife focusing only on the children and the husband spending more and more time at work. My situation was that my wife could only aspire to admin type of work which would barely cover childcare for the children if she took a job. It was tough for me as the sole income for the family for about 12 years when she stayed home.

We drifted apart and I resented her in the early years for not contributing financially to the house hold. It was hard. Seemed more money going out than coming in year after year. I know it’s me who wasn’t recognizing her contribution being a stay at home mom and I could have been more supportive.

When the children were able to go to school on their own, my wife went back to work for the social aspects of work…ie being with adults and talking about adult stuff. The extra income helps and her income pays for university for the kids and we no longer worry about the next paycheque. Our relationship is much better as we do trips and dinners out together catching up on us, the time that we missed when all we did was focus on the children the first 15 years of their lives.

You get mild credit for the "I know it's me..." element of this.

But when SAHM's have social problems, it is almost always their partner who is the cause.

You've left these people AT home, without adult minds to interact with on any reasonable level... and in 2023 they don't even have significant online chatrooms through which they used to cheat on you when merely crying out for adult interaction 25 years ago.

Then you get home (eventually... perhaps after the strip clubs)... and YOU want to rest after a long day... you want dinner ready... and you want her to keep the kids away from you because you are too tired to deal with them.

And of course it's "Groundhog Day" at least 5 days a week as well.



SAHM's are what you created.


You cannot really "marry" them.

 

[krealtarron]

Yeah, both my parents worked. Initially my mother stayed at home, but did return to full time working when me and my siblinngs were all in primary school

But my father was no slouch when it came to working around the house and full time in a god awful environment. He used to cook the meals, do laundry, grocery shop, do all the work on the house, hustle 4 kids. My mother used to work full time, and she cooked (though she did the more elaborate meals while my father was bbq king and simpler meals. Us kids used to help out cleaning.

If I had to judge it as a whole, honestly, my father did two thirds of the household stuff and my mother did a third. My mother would be exhausted when she came home from work. My father was tough as nails. He worked in a hell hole, he took every minute of overtime he could and would often work 7 days a week for months on end. And he worked 3 rotating shifts at that. (If you've ever done that, you'll know that you never get a good night's sleep.) He worked his ass off. But he grew up dirt poor without a mother in the northwest end of Hamilton where if someone was following you too close walking down the street you hit him with a garbage can lid. And he never complained once and never expected fuck all. He was a rock.

This was kinda the situation in my house too. We were only 2 kids, but my mom worked shifts. My dad had a regular 9 to 5. But he would do the smaller easier meals and my mom would do the more elaborate ones. But he would always help out with doing dishes, grocery, fixing things around the house, cleaning the house, doing laundry and even helping my mom while she cooked with chopping the veggies and what not. He would also cook food during her shift so she had freshly cooked food or he'd prepare it and ask me to bring it to my mom, if it was during his work time. My mom was just as hard working but they shared all the workload very equally. Heck they cut down on entertaining themselves like going out to a movie or doing a date night by themselves just to provide for us, and save up, because we weren't that well off when I grew up. Yet they both made sure we never felt their pain. So it is surprising when some people say that men dont put in emotional labor lol.

 

[John_Jacob]

Some of it is gender based though. My pregnancy example of wear and tear on the body is gender specific. I can’t change that.

Sex-specific, not gender-specific. Gender is a social construct. For example, (gender) men can get pregnant now but only (sex) women can get pregnant. It's a brave new world out there.

 

[Adamxx]

I don't agree... There are many Stay-At-Home-Moms/Wives that can separate the roles... Looking after the house, tending to the children, planning parties, etc. as the job and then being a wife at night.

Both the Man and Woman have to realize and appreciate what the other is doing... Successful power couples do. Behind every successful man is a good women has a lot of truth to it. The women are getting things done and the family is advancing.

Should be alongside. And if anyone believes seeing about the family and home is mot working, they should try it.

Maybe some don’t know or appreciate the value of it, unless they pay for baby sitting, molly maid, massages etc.