Addiction

[DCork]

the nightly question

Some well thought out replies to your original question. I go back and forth on this issue. Last week I saw 2 SPs, 2 MPs and dropped several hundred in an SC. (Sorry no public reviews, although I have to say that Hayley(spelling?) at the Dollhouse was a terrific piece of eye candy, even if she was a chatter box in the VIP) Back to the point - This week I feel like that was a bit too much, and I should cut back, maybe consider "retiring". But then I realize that it is how I feel after a steady week of hobbying followed by a weekend of fun with my GF. I am doing more thinking with the big head and I don't feel compelled to give into my urges, because they aren't as urgent. And yes Calloway, some of that is because I am as old as CEO and the reduction in urges really does happen.

But Toad-KW's question got me thinking. If I look at my experience, by tomorrow night I am going to go through my speed dial looking for some inspiration. In other words, I am going to do this again. Partly, to paraphrase Calloway, I like this a lot and now is the time to enjoy it. It's available and so am I. I have to conclude that the only time I entertain "retiring" is when I'm not horny. I'm not going to try to understand why I'm horny as often as I am. Just lucky I guess. But, if I understand the bargain that we have with mortality, I am going to enjoy this while I have a pulse that quickens at the thought of being with beautiful and energetic women.

I appreciate the feelings that some have about quitting, but part of what I enjoy about this board is the extent that some members embrace this lifestyle. Carpe diem!

Good luck Toad-KW, I've enjoyed your posts and believe you are sincere in your conundrum. I hope you find a resolution that gives you some peace.

 

[deedles]

Re: the nightly question

I am going to enjoy this while I have a pulse that quickens at the thought of being with beautiful and energetic woman.

Amen to that, brother!!!

I find this hobby amazing! It's all about the excitement for me!

 

[GENTLEMAN_Wloo]

Toad ... a thought provoking post. I am sure it caused a lot of us to ponder our situation...and what drove us to this hobby. For some it is just being with a beautiful lady for a few hours, forgetting about life's stresses, and being with someone who makes you feel special. Life is too short. I am not trying to defend why I do this, nor perhaps help others justification. I too have wondered if/when I will retire permanently. I have stopped for a period of time, then was drawn back. Calloway, CEO, and others made some excellent comments. And Stoo, you are just too helpful...your offer to help by asking Toad to pay and PM you to take your appointment ... the usual great humour (you always make me laugh). I find that when I keep busy doing something I enjoy doing (other than this hobby), it takes my mind off it. Good luck Toad!

 

[Stoo]

And it's the damn internet...

This is becoming a thought-provoking thread! I guess we are all re-thinking our dedication to the hobby. So far, I have not felt a strong urge to quit, and it is a manageable time/money siuation.

Thinking back though, I recalled that I really started to get intrigued after stumbling across some website. Prior to this, I always thought of the sex trade as a dirty, street industry, filled with 'crack-hoes' and pimps. Through the joys of the internet, I discovered that there are tons of gorgeous women out there, and as I got to meet a few of them, I was amazed that often they are bright, articulate, well-read and a lot of fun. (My first experience was Sasha Jones, so it's all her fault!) I have even developed 'e-friendships' with a couple of them (not to mention you guys...). I do not think of this hobby as a bad thing, although there are risks as we know. Through a couple of Terb parties, I have met some of the guys... Gentle Ben, Tonto, Wazzup and others. They are decent, 'normal' guys and I would be happy to have them as friends regardless of this hobby.

Personally, my biggest problem with the hobby, is the time 'wasted' doing... ummm... research... It seems I spend hours checking out websites and here. This really interferes with getting my work done, which is problematic at times. On average, I probably spend two hours a day on Terb and checking out local talent... all during the work day (where I have hi-speed). Some nights, I'll stay up till 3 AM chatting etc. The actual time spent hobbying is of no consequence at all, comparitively. These aren't porn sites I'm checking out, but SPs and MPs.

Just curious, but how many of you would say you have a normal love/sex life outside of the hobby? I do (now... in fact it's great...) and I think that's what really worries me. I used to hobby for lack of a legit sex life. At my current rate, I'm going to shrivel up soon!

 

[joej]

Perhaps I'm fooling myself. But I don't think this is really an addiction. If you can afford it then I think it's okay. Somewhat like having to have that morning coffee....sure you need it but it's not going to drag you down to the junkie level. If however you are spending beyond your means...well then perhaps it's bad news. Why do I do it? Well I've found that when I find a peson or persons (SPs I'm talking about here) that I click with, I really enjoy the time and think it's worth it. Admittedly finding those people that you really click with in this hobby is tough....but the fun is in the chase right. I used to be a big MP person...but things have gone so down hill that it isn't worth my time anymore

 

[dann]

Hello lads,

Sorry to dredge up this thing again though I've had enough. It's definitely affecting my self esteem not to mention my bank account. I go a week and am doing great and then BANG! The impulsive feeling of excitement in the stomach and then the next thing I know I'm off to an SP?MP I pm'd toad hopefully he's doing ok and has some advice, I need help!

 

[Wiley]

I think you're being a bit hard on yourselves. "Addiction" is rather a harsh term. And, if you feel you're addicted to something, it's not going to be good for your self-esteem, which can make your habit even more consuming. How about, "habit"? For instance, when do you call sp's? When you're feeling a bit lonely, or horny...that's perfectly normal. Thinking yourself as an addict will make things worse, maybe. Tell yourself you can live without it for awhile, and you'll believe yourself. Also, is your habit to see as many different sp's as possible? If so, there is an excitement (rush) there: You want to know what you're missing. If you see the same one all the time, it's not addiction it's LOVE (or, very-much-LIKE). Women are very understanding creatures. Tell the girl your problem, and that she please talk you out of seeing her whenever you call. If she does, great, if not, well she's not worth being obsessed with, and then you DO have a problem.

 

[dann]

I agree, the word addicted actually meant committed not too long ago. It's simply impulsive behavoiur on my part. I generally don't see the same sp/mpa very often. It's certainly isn't love. I love sex I guess, and the big enjoyment for me is a women getting off. I got into the sp's 10 years ago after a bad break up with a girlfriend and an incredible sex drive. Suppose I have a fear of intamacy issue which hasn't helped relationships.

 

[Wiley]

Again, I don't think it's addiction, or anything to feel too terrible about. What bothers you most? The expense of it? It's perfectly normal for someone to want sex, even a lot of sex. And, if you come to feel ashamed of yourself, it makes the compultion that much worse (ie. it has a hold on you). Habit and convenience lets us say, 'it's just a phone call and $80 away'. It's tough to have this convenince with females in the "real" world. But this game can be just as fun, if you don't mind the occasional rejection.

 

[dann]

Hi there,

There are obvious safety issues, condoms aren't foolproof, bbbj is wonderful, wasted money and time considering it could be spent doing something more productive, feeling low self esteem paying for sex, etc...

 

[stickman1]

I have been reading with a great deal of interest. An addicition, habit or just an in bred weekness? I found the comment about just watching porn as a substitute funny because for me it was porn that has got me into this hobby. First magazines then videos the internet to a mp to an sp. Hooked line and sinker.
Toad-KW thank you for this thread, being someone that has spent most of his life in church and trying to do what is right I have found this hobby to be a great delema for me. I have tried on many several occaisions to stop but find myself daydreaming about the next encounter. I wonder if the apostle Paul's thorn in his side as he writes in the Bible was of a sexual nature? At any rate it has been a struggle and one that certainly has the potential of harming a number people. One thing I read was if you falter in your quest to stop don't beat yourself up but instead take the same amount you paid to the SP and give the same to a charity--- Financially you might think twice the next time. I am afraid it hasn't completely helped me as I still have the urge call someone today. Toad I wish you and the others well I would be interested in hearing more of this support group.

 

[Wiley]

Did anyone catch the Diane Sawyer show on pornography recently? Look how P. has gone: tame to less tame to kinky to just plain disgusting (not to mention potentiallly lethal to the actors and actresses). But people (human nature) want more and more...ie., drive a car fast and you want to go faster and faster, and then doing only 120 on the 401 seems like a snail pace. I don't think it's a weakness, just human nature (car advertizers and P'raphy producers know this aspect and use it to their advantage). What is the solution to those who think they spend too much time and $ on sp's? Maybe: unplug your computer and put the connector cable in a hard-to-reach place; stop buying the Record; when you dial an sp dial it wrong; get other hobbies too, and you won't be so obsessed with sp's et al. But don't feel ashamed of yourself! Because that will only make you feel worse, and even more obsessed with your sp hobby. And, put things in perspective, it's not like it costs thousands to see one, and, when using safety measures, s*x is very healthy physically and mentally.

 

[happygrump]

We're creatures of habit

Like some others, I've been lurking along with this thread for a while now, and it seems that the very nature of the terms "addiction" and "hooked" and whatnot have an obvious air of negativity.

So when exactly does a habit or pastime devolve into an obsession?

Drinking is an obvious example. One can have a beer now and then and a glass of wine with dinner and whatnot and not be an alcoholic. But, when the alcohol starts interfering with one's daily routine (for instance, calling in sick because of a hangover on a regular basis) then there's obviously a problem.

Same goes here. If you're finding yourself in debt or constantly short of cash because of the money you're spending on SP/MP's, then there's a problem. Or if your other relationships are suffering because of time spent with the ladies, then there's another sign.

But just "willing" it away simply won't work.

Human beings are creatures of habit. That's our nature. So, in order to defeat a demon that's been an issue, it isn't enough to just grit your teeth or masturbate or whatever. In short, replace one "addiction" for another. Instead of calling an SP/MP, go for a run. Walk the dog. Do something physical of a non-sexual nature.

At the very moment when you think you simply can't take the temptation anymore, that's the point at which, if you can get through it, the temptation begins to subside and eventually fades into a memory.

 

[calloway]

Oh thanks Misty... I've been trying to get rid of my addiction to you so I moved to the KW board. Now you come all the way over here to post and I'm addicted to you all over again!

 

[7thdeadlysin]

As a new player to the game, you have offered me hope. I too one day hope to become an addict.

 

[Stoo]

... being someone that has spent most of his life in church and trying to do what is right I have found this hobby to be a great delema for me...

There you go. Problem solved. Stop going to Church!