Addiction help

[Libbey]

Guys. I need some help. I have been trying to quit the hobby for over a year now. I am too paranoid about stis and make too little money to continue. And yet, every couple of weeks I find myself $160-250 poorer, filled with regret and fear. I have tried quitting on my own but I know now that I am not strong enough. I can't go to sex addicts anonymous because there isn't one near where I live that I can conveniently get there without raising suspicion from the people in my life.
I need help. There has got to be hundreds of guys like me out there, on this forum.
I don't have anyone I can really share this with but if there's some people out there in the same situation, maybe we can be our own support structure. I honestly feel the if I had someone to talk to while I am feeling the urge to hobby, someone who knows what it feels like and won't judge me, I would have the strength to get past this.
Please, if you're in the same position, pm me.
(I made this account after deleting my previous one thinking I could move on.)

 

[DemLatsSoClose]

Get a girlfriend.

 

[frankcastle]

I'm pretty sure there is at least one support group in downtown toronto for Sex addicts. It follows a 12 step program if I'm not mistaken.

I know that because I googled it years ago when I fel that I was out of control.

These days I've managed to cut it down to once every two or three months. For me that's good.

I think the best thing for you is to
1) find other hobbies that give you joy as well
2) set a budget that you stick to
3) realize taht you might have relapses
4) be realistic for some going cold turkey might be hard.
5) at least practice harm reduction if sti is part of the problem go for low mileage massages.

Good luck.

 

[carpe_deim]

How much does it cost if you include the time you spend selecting and contacting prospective SPs before choosing? How much are you missing in your life? I agree start with the SA program, forget about the whole "higher power" thing, worry about that later. Listen without mental comment if you can. Oh yea, 7 years clean (of my main substance), all kinds of programs started, finally a mix of the 12 steps with other influences from a variety of sources - meditation, etc. It does not hurt to try.

 

[pipelayer]

Like I've been saying....this ain't no hobby.

 

[afterhours]

Get a girlfriend.

fuck that! just make more money

 

[movzzz]

You got into this because you like pussy... So the only cure will come when stop liking pussy.... I know I should stop as well but vaginas are a mystery to me and I need to solve!

 

[LKD]

been in your situation for many years.. Luckily I haven't spent a dime on an SP in 1.5 years. Just need to find a worthwhile hobby to keep you occupied. Perhaps save for something big which will force you to save the money. Or start going out, meeting women in social settings without sex as the end goal because you just might be disappointed.

Its good that you realize and admit you have a problem.. Its half the battle.

 

[Toronto`s Finest]

Ok, so keep within a budget & enjoy. You only live once so enjoy. OR find some other reason/goal for saving money that trumps the hobby.

 

[jonadams]

Get a regular gf

Watch more porn and DIY

Make more money

Stop liking pussy; start liking cock

 

[pipelayer]

Helloooo Toronto Finest! :Eek:

 

[Mudd Stuffin]

If your work has an employee assistance program, as it is confidential, call their help line and they can steer you in the right direction. Alternatively, you can ask your family doc to give a recommendation for a psych practioner.

 

[Libbey]

Thanks for most of all the useful and supportive replies (no "thanks" for the advise to "get a girlfriend," "make more money" or "watch more porn."

I have tried limiting my ability to access the hobby but so far it's been unsuccessful. I need a new approach, as I've tried everything I can think of or research. I am wondering to myself if keeping a blog might have some benefit. Obviously I feel I need some support structure to help me overcome this but I can't bring myself to tell anyone I already know. And I can't disappear to sex addicts anonymous once a week without having to lie about where I've been. I've read some pretty good self help books on addiction and I've practiced what they preach, but I still gave in to this hobby in the end.

I really appreciate the genuine support that's been offered here. I think I will try to pick a another hobby and see if that works for me. I'll also not be so hard on myself and set realistic goals rather than just trying to quit cold turkey.

But I need to say this, addiction is frikkin hard. I've never had to deal with any addiction in the past. This progressed from dirty mags, to videos to phone sex to strip clubs to rub and tugs to escorts and I never thought t would get ou of hand, but if it keeps progressing, who knows what's next. And when I think about all the money I've spent on this hobby, damn... Must be well over 30k easy.
I guess some of it was fun... I mean, I think I crave he anticipation more than the actual act.

As much as I would benefit from a support structure, and being there to help out others who are going through the same thing, if all I can get is this forum and a handful of guys who want to help me get past this, I'll take it.

Tonight, I am going to find my next hobby. Any suggestions? (And for those who'll rely poking fun or delivering smart ass remarks, just save it. They're not going to get to me besides adding clutter to my thread. If you want to go laugh at someone who asks you for help, do it somewhere else.)

 

[elmo]

This is like an alcoholic walking into a bar and asking for help to stop drinking...

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

OMG!

You are not a sex addict. Trust me. If you were, you would be doing things a lot different.

This is not an addiction which is why none of those "addiction methods" are going to work.

It may feel like one, and may have some similar attributes, but it is not sex addiction at all.

Grow some balls and stop or figure out a way to live with what you truly want.

 

[Libbey]

Wow, productive, thanks. Lol.

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

Wow, productive, thanks. Lol.

Oh, I am sorry but am I suppose to hold your hand and walk you through your issue with chicken soup and ice cream like mama did when you were a kid???? Give me a break.

You are saying something that you are not. You are looking for help for something you are not. Maybe if you truly found out what your issue was, you could find the RIGHT help that you need. But hey, I am not being helpful enough because I didn't say it all nice and sweet like????

Sorry. You are not a sex addict. That is probably the best help you have gotten in this whole thread, because now you can focus on the real issue.

 

[TeasePlease]

OMG!

You are not a sex addict. Trust me. If you were, you would be doing things a lot different.

This is not an addiction which is why none of those "addiction methods" are going to work.

It may feel like one, and may have some similar attributes, but it is not sex addiction at all.

Grow some balls and stop or figure out a way to live with what you truly want.

Geez, what is it with your posts today? I'm agreeing with everything. LOL.

Calling this an addiction is an excuse. Do some research. I did, and came to my own conclusions. Hobbying is more likely an obsession or compulsion for most people. It does not have the physical earmarks of an addiction in the clinical sense (although some might argue that the endorphin kick we experience is a physiological factor).

Femme Fatale is right. You need to figure out why you're seeking pleasure in hobbying. It's probably not the need to bust a nut.

 

[Libbey]

Holy shit. Wtf is wrong with you? You think you're able to diagnose something from 2 posts a complete stranger made over the Internet? You should be a dr w brains like that. And who cares if I used the word "addiction"??? I explained what I am going though so if its not an addiction, fine, so now what? Does that make your advice to "grow some balls and stop..." any more useful?
I will never understand people who can't help but shit all over others when they smell weakness.
Whatever I've got, addiction or obsession, I realize I need help. You're clearly not helping so why not go find another thread to shit on and leave this thread for people (current and future) who are, have been or will be where I am now?

 

[destillat]

how old are you? when i was in my 20s i had a tough time controlling my spending and taking risks with MPs and SPs, even though i had girlfriends/wife that would do pretty much anything i wanted...
now, almost in my mid-30s i find that a few years ago i kinda grew out of the 'not able to control' thing... i am a lot less impulsive, think SPs through a lot more and am more concerned with value for my money...
i attribute this not only to being more mature now... but also to being a lot smoother with women, so it's more thrilling for me to get free tail...