A SP's SO seeing another SP or MPA

[Brigitte]

My Significant Other and I have been involved in a monogamous relationship for the last 2+ years.

A few weeks ago, I decided to become a SP. He was fully aware of my decision to enter the biz. We discussed minute details of the work. (Services provided, safety standards, precautions, risks, etc.) and he was always supportive, caring and understanding. We were going to think of my work as just that, work.

Today he informs me that he'd like to see a SP. Just like that, out of the blue!!! He says he's happy, but just wants "variety".

A part of me thinks of it as cheating, but the other part thinks of it as fair. I'm kind of confused, so any thoughts would be appreciated.

My questions are these: SP's -Do you allow your Significant Other to see other SP's or MPA's ? How does this make you feel?

Gentlemen- if you're dating a SP or MPA, do you feel that it's "only fair" for you to be able to see SP's or MPA's? Why do you feel this way?

Thanks again,
Brigitte
!*>*!

 

[The Baroness]

Its cheating.....you are doing it for money..........he wants to do it for pleasure....big difference hun.

 

[Pyro]

An interesting situation....

This is an interesting situation. I would think that the answer to your question would be different for everyone that encounters it. I doubt that a standard rule can apply.

Personally, I don't use SPs. But that is a personal choice and it does not mean that I have anything against the profession. On the contrary, I think that if two consenting adults want to engage in an activity (or series of activities) then as long as no one is being hurt, forced, or abused, it's not my place to make any judgements.

However, when personal relationships are involved, ensuring that no-one is hurt becomes much more complicated. If a client and an SP have an encounter, the SO of each member of the transaction are also potentially affected, even if they are absent.

When I am in a serious relationship, I don't have any desire to be with other women. I also would not feel comfortable if the woman in my life was sleeping with other men. If I was the BF in this situation, I would not have been OK with "Brigitte" entering the profession. Perhaps his request to see an SP himself is his way of showing that he's not as comfortable with the decision as he appears to be.

Another thing to remember is that working as an SP is, in some ways, very similar to any other service job. In particular, if you don't get some satisfaction from a job well-done, you won't be very good at your job. This means that if "Brigitte" is any good at her job, she will be getting some satisfaction and enjoyment from her work, over and above the money she will make. This potentially complicates the relationship and creates an imbalance.

I know that if I've had a long day at work I sometimes don't want to think about my job at all when I get home. What if "Brigitte" has a hard day of SPing and does not want to think about sex with her BF when she comes home? She'll be getting it regularly from a wide assortment of random penises and her BF will be left with a GF that's probably not into recreational sex as much as she was before. This could be a serious impact on the relationship.

I'm not on this board to say that a working SP can't have a boyfriend. As I said, every case is unique and each person has to make his or her own choice. But if it was me, I know that I would have no interest in seeing an SP (or having any other extra-curricular sexual relationship) if I was already happy with my existing girlfriend. I also would not be comfortable with my GF working as an SP during our relationship (I would not have an issue if this job was strictly in her past).

Having said all this, I don't view the situation described as a case of anyone cheating. It looks as though both people in the relationship have been open and honest about their actions and intentions. When there is honesty, cheating is not part of the equation. However, honesty alone is sometimes not enough.

Pyro.

 

[thunder0702]

????

Its cheating.....you are doing it for money..........he wants to do it for pleasure....big difference hun.

Miranda:
How can this be cheating as they have discussed the situation. Or at least they approached their SO discuss.
And as for the fact that one is doing for it money makes no difference. If they are secure in the relationship then there should be no problem.

Just my .02 cent worth

Thunder

 

[The Baroness]

Perhaps you guys are right...if he is being honest about it,it isnt cheating...however I still would not be ok with it.

 

[scubadoo]

My Significant Other and I have been involved in a monogamous relationship for the last 2+ years.

A few weeks ago, I decided to become a SP. He was fully aware of my decision to enter the biz. We discussed minute details of the work. (Services provided, safety standards, precautions, risks, etc.) and he was always supportive, caring and understanding. We were going to think of my work as just that, work.

Today he informs me that he'd like to see a SP. Just like that, out of the blue!!! He says he's happy, but just wants "variety".

A part of me thinks of it as cheating, but the other part thinks of it as fair. I'm kind of confused, so any thoughts would be appreciated.

My questions are these: SP's -Do you allow your Significant Other to see other SP's or MPA's ? How does this make you feel?

Gentlemen- if you're dating a SP or MPA, do you feel that it's "only fair" for you to be able to see SP's or MPA's? Why do you feel this way?

Thanks again,
Brigitte
!*>*!

Sounds like you both are not in a committed relationship. If you were, you would probably wouldn't be thinking or doing the tihngs you are right now.

I didn't start seeing sp's until after my divorce. I could never had cheated on her as we had children to think about. We simply wanted other things and now we both have the other things we wished and wanted. But to be togther in a relationship such a you describe it, I think I'd be taking a serious look at the matter.

 

[penguin_jf]

Brigitte

My question is this: Does he have a job and make his own money? If he would be using yours to pay for the SP.........RED FLAG!!!!!! That wouldn't be fair at all.

 

[DenWa]

It's difficult enough to date an SP when you knew she was one from the start, but to have been together for over 2 years and then have your girlfriend tell you she's going to start screwing other guys would be really hard to swallow. How did you expect him to react. For money or not, you're still going to be with other guys. Just because it's your "job" and it's for "money" doesn't take away the fact that, from his perspective, the girl he's been exclusively dating for 2 and a half years is about to have other guys' dicks in her. So he's showing his hurt by expressing a desire to see an SP. He's essentially calling you out to see how it would make you feel to be in his shoes.

DW

 

[Brigitte]

First of all, thank you for all of your honest opinions. Being in this line of work you find that you can't really talk to your friends anymore. It feels good to know that there's still a sounding board that I can go to, in order to discuss issues that are bothering me. My SO and I went to bed this morning, still arguing (him on the couch, and me alone in bed). I woke up and tried to make up/get a little morning nookie and he said something that started the argument up again.

" Why do you still need me when your clients are so much better!"

Up until recently, we had an open relationship. Neither one of us were the "commitment" type and prior to our getting together, we would've considered ourselves polyamorous (we met through a poly site while involved in other relationships over 3 yrs ago)

For the last 2+ years, although we've had the freedom to see other people, we've chosen to remain faithful to one another.
Neither one of us WANTED a monogamous relationship, it just kind of merged into one.

What I didn't mention earlier (in retrospect, I might've gotten a different response if I had) was that my decision to become a SP was more for pleasurable reasons then they were for monetary reasons.

For whatever reason, my SO find himself less interested in sex than I. What started out as a passionate relationship with HOURLONG sessions, evolved into chorelike events once or twice a month.

Now, I'm a girl with an INCREDIBLY voracious sexual appetite. I'm not satisfied unless I've "done the deed" 2 or 3 times that day. Believe you me, when our "fuckfests" became almost nonexistent, I ranted and raved until we came up with a solution.

Because I'm still in school and don't have enough time for a fulltime job, but still need the full time pay and because I wasn't being sexually satisfied; combining the two seemed like the perfect solution.

He was fully aware about my reasons for doing this from the very beginning.

What I realized this morning, was that he didn't think I'd get as much pleasure from my work as I do. He actually thought I'd do this for a few weeks, get bored of it and come running back to him.

The other day, when a client made me "squirt" (something that, until recently, only my SO was able to do) he got jealous. Which is where the idea to see a SP came about.

If he can't satisfy the one he's with, why try and satisfy someone else? I chose to do this because I wasn't being sexually satisfied. He can have me whenever he wants. Hell, I've even given him the go ahead to "take it" while I'm asleep.

He claims that he hasn't been that interested because he's gotten bored sleeping with the same person. That maybe sleeping with someone else will get him more interested in sleeping with me and I won't have to derive my pleasure from clients.

I don't know what to think anymore, I asked him to leave so I can have some time to myself.

He says that he doesn't want to go back to the way things were before; with us together yet both sleeping with other people.

I'm confused as to where to go from here. I just started doing this and I'm having fun. I really missed the variety of sleeping with different men.

I also love my honey, and don't want to lose him. But what am I supposed to do? Quit? Let him control my life? allow him to sleep around while I wait for him to "get around" to sleeping with me?

Now that you know all the gory details, what are your thoughts now?

Brigitte
!*>*!

 

[Brigitte]

FYI: he has his own job and doesn't even feel comfortable when I offer to pick up the check @dinner.

 

[penguin_jf]

I say......

Let him call an SP and see how he feels after? Fair is fair!! Maybe some variety will feed his fantasies and make him hornier!
One can always hope!

 

[DenWa]

Let me get this straight:

*You're in an open relationship.
*You decided to be an SP cause you enjoy the sex, and need a lot of it.
*Your bf wants variety now, too, but you have a problem with it.

What is wrong with this picture? The one thing that ladies cling to when these situations arise is that the double standard is ok, cause it's just a job and not real. Yet here you are admitting that you've become an SP for sexual pleasure and not money. You have no right whatsoever to then expect your BF to remain true to only you. Women are so fucking funny.

DW

 

[penguin_jf]

LOL DenWa~

B - Seems as though you have the opportunity to have your cake and eat it too! Just be honest and play fair!!!

 

[zar]

I agree with both DW and Misty. I'm also wondering whether there may be issues of denial with your SO's reason for not being interested. Men may think that they are not interested because of boredom with the same person when in fact, sometimes there may be medical issues...

 

[Brigitte]

Re: Brigitte

My question is this: Does he have a job and make his own money? If he would be using yours to pay for the SP.........RED FLAG!!!!!! That wouldn't be fair at all.

I was merely responding to Penguin's question. My SO doesn't take money from me, not even to pay for meals. I wasn't trying to slam him.

 

[penguin_jf]

I think he should have the balls to say that then!

 

[Pyro]

Interesting additional information....

Your additional post seems to raise more questions than it answers. I have to stick with my original point that each relationship is different and whatever works for you may not work for others. Having said that, since you did ask for opinions, here are some thoughts that your last post has inspired:

Hell, I've even given him the go ahead to "take it" while I'm asleep.

It may come as a shock to some women but this is not the ultimate turn-on for some men. Perhaps the thought that you'll "let" him get off on your sleeping body more willingly than waking up and participating is a bit of a turn-off. I know I would probably pass if I was offered that option.

I'm confused as to where to go from here. I just started doing this and I'm having fun. I really missed the variety of sleeping with different men.

It sounds like you're not ready for or interested in a committed monogomous relationship right now. You are being open and honest about the fact that you enjoy sleeping with other men. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that except that you seem to feel that your SO is wrong to have the same feelings. You also have to leave room for the possibility that some men may not be comfortable with being the fifth or sixth penis of the day.

But what am I supposed to do? Quit? Let him control my life? allow him to sleep around while I wait for him to "get around" to sleeping with me?

It does not sound like he's trying to control your life. If he was, he would never have accepted your choice to start working as an SP. As for "allowing" him to sleep around...do you really feel that you have the right to resent him seeing other women when you are openly seeking, and finding, other partners for pleasure?

It sounds like the two of you have grown apart over time. The reduced sex-life is one indicator that this may be the case. The fact that you see offering him your sleeping body as a reasonable option may also be a sign that your tastes are diverging. Finally, you both seem to have very different ideas about what to do next with your lives.

If your sex-life has gotten stale, perhaps you should look for things you can do together to make it more enjoyable. I think that's what I would do in a similar situation. The fact that you're both looking outside the relationship to fix this problem may be a sign that the relationship is no longer working.

I don't think either of you is wrong to want what you do but, perhaps, your desires are no longer compatible.

Pyro.

 

[WhOiSyOdAdDy?]

My Significant Other and I have been involved in a monogamous relationship for the last 2+ years.

A few weeks ago, I decided to become a SP.

A part of me thinks of it as cheating, but the other part thinks of it as fair. I'm kind of confused, so any thoughts would be appreciated.

My questions are these: SP's -Do you allow your Significant Other to see other SP's or MPA's ? How does this make you feel?

Gentlemen- if you're dating a SP or MPA, do you feel that it's "only fair" for you to be able to see SP's or MPA's? Why do you feel this way?

The way I see it.. she is cheating, If she had been an SP when they had met, then I would not see it as cheating, but after a couple of years.. if you decide to become an SP, it is cheating... and if you are fucking other guys then why should he not be allowed to have variety, he can spend the money you are making on other SP's... I think this is the beginning of the end of your relationship.

 

[Pyro]

Another country heard from...

Pyro ---- I didn't know you have never participated in the hobby. Boy for someone has no first hand knowledge you certainly have an opinion about everything and everyone.

Well "bb", I suspect there are a lot of other things about me (and the world in general) that you also don't know. If you'd read what I write, I have always been very open about the fact that I hobby in the SC environment and not with SPs. It's a personal boundary that I have chosen and is not a judgement against those who choose otherwise.

Still, I have been in my share of relationships, including non-business relationships with women who were (or are) SPs and dancers, and I think that this experience gives me the right to express my opinions in this thread. The fact that other members have agreed with some of my comments in this discussion supports my perspective.

As a TERB member who's sole claim to fame is for bashing an SP agency you haven't visited for many months and whose name you can't even get right, I wonder if you're the right person to be attempting this particular criticism.

Adding "Pyro bashing" to your extremely limited repertoire seems to be a odd choice. I suspect you might do better starting a thread about asinine and irrational vendettas...since you seem to be an expert in that particular field.

Pyro the Pig.

 

[lickrolaine]

If being together for 2 years constitutes a relationship, and charging for sex for the short time you have, makes you an sp,
then I think you may be growing up to slow,or to fast,and you are just experimenting with different fantasies,realities.It sounds like you are having fun but it may be hurting someone else. There-in lies the problem. Just make sure you are not hurting the thing,or person you love,then suck it up girl,make the necessary changes and you go girl!!!
IMHO

dam the torpedoes,,,,,full steam ahead

ps-do you see couples?