A question for the ladies....

[Annessa]

Always Honesty

Hi Love,


I'm going to tell you IMHO what I feel and think you should do because I have experienced this question you are posting. If you are dating someone and you feel that this women 'could be the one' then tell them. Lies and secrets for some reason always manage to find the surface. Better to tell the lady before your heart gets too involved because if she is a modern women (like myself) who thinks 'what you have done in your past when I never even knew you is your past so who am I to judge, but what you do from this moment on with me is what matters'

Nothing worse then falling head over heels in love with someone and then telling them (or them some-how finding out) and they are not able to deal with it and they walk out of your life forever. That pain is more intense then someone you have been dating for a month or so saying I can't deal with that and walking out of your life.

A person that truly cares and loves you will see you for what you are in the inside. Your heart, soul and who you are now is what matters and not what you have done in the past. Who doesn't have a past?

I'll say it once and I'll say it again, lies and secrets always manage to find a way to surface. That's why I don't lie and my cards are always ready to be put on the table when they are called upon.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best, happiness and love. *hugs*




Annessa
xoxo

 

[drlove]

Thanks!

 

[pillowtalk]

a girlfriend who knows

Okay, I discovered the hard way that my current boyfriend had been seeing SP's. At first, I felt terrible and very insecure. You can imagine how a woman would imagine that she may be compared to the expertise of some of these woman. I suggest that you may bring it up when you feel that this is a longer term relationship and that you reassure her that she is the "best", trust me you are guaranteed a lifetime of great sex. I came around to the idea when I realized that booking an escort was certainly no worst than breaking a girls heart through a one night stand. Since then, upon my suggestion, we did book an escort, I guess my curiosity was peaked and what I imagined was certainly different than the reality.

Plus, at first, you should reassure her that you will go for a screening with a doctor and would expect the same of her and that should be the honesty in the beginning.

Just my two cents. I would be happy to correspond if you have any further questions from a non escort or a girlfriend of a hobbyist

Just PM me

 

[bkspoiler11]

My advice!!!

Ok some people might want to smack me over the head with my advice but I'm going to say it anyways. Plan and simple. You don't tell your gf that you had seen sp's in the past. Hell no!!!! All you talk about is maybe both of you getting checked out for peace of mind. If it does ever come up that she finds out about it, this is what you do. LIE!!! Thats right I said it you LIE!!! One thing I learned in life is honestly is not always the best policy. And no offense ladies I been in situations in relationships where i told the truth. Not about seeing sp's are you guys nuts? LOL.... However, I have told the truth about other issues where they got mad. It's funny in my last relationship when this happened I patched things up by saying I was only joking around and I lied my fucking ass off. So as far as the truth coming out you make sure that the truth doesn't come out. Write secret codes down, or store the info in your cell phone or whatever. Nothing with paper so they can't find the evidence. Honestly is important but I'll never ever tell the whole truth if it will get me into an agrument with a woman over meaningless past issues.

 

[KBurrell]

My own two bits on the question.

I am a female who is not an SP. However, I can understand why a man would go to see an SP, wheather he is married, single, etc. Men need nookie too after all. Now if I was in a relationship with a man, not just dating, but taking it further, I would want to be told if he had seen escorts. Not to cause any negative feelings, or anything like that, but to me, knowing my partner's sexual history would be important.

After all, why should I believe that my partner has never had sex before, or been sexually frustrated? I know that this may be an unusual mindset, but why would I care? Granted, I would tease him about paying for sex, then I'd call him a lucky bastard for being able to pick and afford a different partner whenever he wanted it.

Of course, then I would ask if he had been tested for STDs recently, nothing against SPs or Hobbyists, but I insist on both myself and my partner being tested, just in case. Far better to be safe than to be sorry IMO. But as for him seeing the escorts, as long as we were not together at the time, what would the big deal be? He needed company, he wanted to have sex, he got the company, and he got sex. What's wrong with that?

Now if we were in a relationship, and then he decided to see escorts, that's a different thing entirely.

 

[lustyhombre]

Il Ventilatore thinks that obsession with a lover's past is an unhealthy sign of things to come. What matters is your time together, not your past with others.

This is not an issue of honesty (or dishonesty). The lady in question has not asked the gentlemen if he has ever used the services of a pro - he just wants to tell her. Had she inquired about such activities, or if the gentleman intended to continue with his hobbying, the situation would be different. This is not, however, the scenario under debate.

Much like those who confess affairs to their spouses years after the fact, such an admission is actually a selfish act. For whatever reasons, the gentleman in question holds some guilt about or issues regarding his past. Confessing to the love of his life could be an attempt to transfer some of that guilt, i.e. "get it off his chest". A cynic might even argue that the gentleman in question is giving himself an easy out should he return to hobbying at some future point ("After all, I did tell you that I had used escorts in the past.")

Il Ventilatore apologizes if the above paragraph seems overly harsh. One must wonder, however, as to what possible benefit there is in "confessing" to the lady at this point in time. Assuming that she is "escort-friendly" (which many people are not) and does not judge him harshly, how will their relationship be enhanced?

Food for thought...

Ciao,

Il Ventilatore

....and AMEN to that !

 

[zog]

Avoid too much information...

My new question is this... If you met a girl, fell in love, but she worked or had worked .... would you date her?

My answer to the new question is that the key, for me, is the answer to the question "worked or had worked". As a hobbyist myself, I don't have any moral or ethical issues with women who choose to work as SPs. However, I am not interested in being in a serious relationship with a woman who is still active in this profession. Some of you may view this as hypocritical or a double-standard but I don't see it that way at all. After all, I see nothing wrong with men who participate in the Hobby either (being one myself, after all) but I do not Hobby when I'm in a committed relationship and I expect my partner to do the same.

Regarding the original question, I think that I might admit my Hobbying past to a serious girlfriend if I felt that the relationship was worth the risk and also depending on what I know about the woman's personalily and why the question was being asked. If the topic came up in the context of past experiences, simply admitting to having had casual partners in the past may honestly address the topic without the need to go into detail.

If I really cared for the woman and I felt she could handle the truth, I would be open about my past. If, for some reason, it was really crucial to our relationship that this information come out, I would have to seriously consider it. However, I don't see the value in revealing the intimate details of past sexual experiences; after all, we alll - or most - have them.

Assuming everyone is a consenting adult, I see no moral or ethical difference between seeing an SP and having a casual sexual fling with a woman met through some other process. When I am single, I enjoy casual sex with SPs and also enjoy casual relationships with non-professional women. I think it would be wrong for me to tell a girlfriend that I have not had casual sex while single (because that would be a lie) but I would suggest that 99.9% of the time, there would be no reason to go into details about what my past casual partners did for a living.

Zog.

 

[Hugger]

I'd rather be hated for who I am......over loved, for who I am not. I would want my mate to have similar views on sexuality, thus would be honest. I woman who was turned off by my sexual past is turned off by part me.
H