a bad situation which needs a resolution...help

[SupahotGavin]

I can’t believe I’m actually considering asking the the terb faithful (a clearly morally flexible lot if ever there was one) for advice. However, I feel lost and torn internally on a potentially serious issue and it’s really bothering me.
This is a 100% true story so keep your snarky-ass comments to yourself people.

I have a very good friend, someone who I see regularly, that I would consider part of my inner circle of friends who is getting married next month. His wife to be is a good-looking, yet very self-absorbed cheeky little number. She is the type most normal people can tolerate but only in small doses. She is a big-shot VP for some pathetic, spineless, corporate entity downtown and regularly wines about managing “her people”, and her taxing travel schedule, etc…

So I too travel very frequently for my job and wouldn’t you guess it I ran into her in a hotel bar in Calgary of all places last week. When I saw her across the room I slowly cursed my luck at seeing her here. She didn’t notice me, but I was alone and I figured she would see me shortly, so I decided I should walk over and say hello. As I making my way across the bar this guy sits down beside her and puts his arm around her and begins nibbling on her ear! I stop dead in my tracks, retreat and seek immediate cover. I then observe these two over the next 20 minutes kissing, holding hands, and generally displaying a level of affection that could only be described as a serious intimate encounter. I can’t recognize the guy. I watched them leave the bar, head to the lift together, and noticed the elevator go up and stop at one floor and come all the way down empty (pretty fucking dragnet of me I know).

This happened last week. Since then, I’ve been riddled with this on my mind (which I might add is somewhat unusual because in the past I’ve been able to live a life relatively conscious-free)

So now what the fuck do I do?

a) tell him… and have that totally uncomfortable conversation
b) tell her… ‘I know what you did last summer’-type of thing.
c) do nothing…(generally my preferred option in most facets of life)

I know I need to make a decision one way or the other fast, because if I want to do something the longer I sit on this the less likely any course of action will lead to a positive outcome. I’ve set a deadline of Friday night… I need some objective guidance.


G

 

[The Bandit]

IMHO confront her first, and hear her side of the story.

 

[james t kirk]

Strike that, I just read that he's a close friend.

Well, I'd probably tell him.

Let him figure out what he does or doesn't want to do.

Maybe they have an open relationship.

 

[SupahotGavin]

Maybe they have an open relationship.

Good point!... possible but not probable.

 

[Gentle Ben]

Reminds me of a situtation many years ago, a good friends brothers wife came into the bar I was at, she was with another man, walked past me & pretended not to notice me. After aout 10 minutes or so, she came over and said Hi to me, she went on to say that her husband was asleep at home and this was her cousin that was visiting from out of town,,,,
It sounded fishy to me, but figured it was none of my business anyway ,,, I didn't say anything to anyone about it,,, several months later, She & her Hubby separated,,,,,

Its a tough decision to make, but I tend not to say anything in those situations, nor when people I know get divorced/separated/whatever, I don't take sides .....

 

[alan9080]

I would tell him.

Unless you can get a good bj and some action
for keeping your mouth shut.........(just kidding!)

 

[Ashley Dupree]

To bad you didn't use a camera phone in the bar. You could tell him but then he would want proof and if you don't, your friend will forever be a chump to her since he may have no idea about her extra ciricular activites. Go with your gut but if it were me, I'd tell him. Otherwise you will feel guilty forever and imagine if inocent children eventually come into the picture. No good comes out of anything with divorce and kids.

 

[Mongrel4u]

I normally advise people to stay out of it... but if hes a good friend I would tell him

 

[james t kirk]

Kind of funny though.....this is an escort review board and probably 75 percent of the guys on here are married and see call girls on the side.

So, it's kind of a pot / kettle thing.

I don't think that guys who have sex outside their marriage (as so many men do) should be passing judgement on anyone else who does the same thing.

It's the old double standard - men fucking around on their wives - well, c'est la vie. Women fucking around on their husbands - Sirens and alarm bells flashing.

 

[Tarkus]

So now what the fuck do I do?

a) tell him… and have that totally uncomfortable conversation
b) tell her… ‘I know what you did last summer’-type of thing.
c) do nothing…(generally my preferred option in most facets of life)

I know I need to make a decision one way or the other fast, because if I want to do something the longer I sit on this the less likely any course of action will lead to a positive outcome. I’ve set a deadline of Friday night… I need some objective guidance.

Telling him may seem difficult now but given that she seems to be behaving in a manner suggesting that she can do what ever she wants this is probably going to happen again. At least if he knows he can make an informed decision. Not to mention the worst possible scenario listed below.

Telling her gives her the edge. If she knows the game is in trouble then may very well do things that could financially or socially screw your buddy. Seems like the poorest choice.

Doing nothing raises one big problem. What if she saw you? If at some point this does come out how do you plan to handle your buddy when her final salvo at him is "okay yes I cheated... maybe you should ask your best friend why he didn't tell you when he saw me in Calgary last year?" Do you want to have that uncomfortable conversation?

 

[Ashley Dupree]

Kind of funny though.....this is an escort review board and probably 75 percent of the guys on here are married and see call girls on the side.

So, it's kind of a pot / kettle thing.

I don't think that guys who have sex outside their marriage (as so many men do) should be passing judgement on anyone else who does the same thing.

It's the old double standard - men fucking around on their wives - well, c'est la vie. Women fucking around on their husbands - Sirens and alarm bells flashing.

in the civilian world that is... its a whole new ballgame on terb lol

 

[SupahotGavin]

I don't think that guys who have sex outside their marriage (as so many men do) should be passing judgement on anyone else who does the same thing.

well said JTK!
I'm thinking the same thing, and when I consider my life (while unmarried) I am certainly no saint. I have fucked up more than one decent woman, so this also complicates things for me...

 

[Mongrel4u]

So, it's kind of a pot / kettle thing.

Not really... you're just looking out for your friend. Maybe the friend doesnt live by the same antics that guys like us do; should he have to get the short end of the stick because his friend has indiscretions and is trying to be "Mr Equality"?

Further, If one of our SOs friends were to catch any one of us hobbying and she "told on us"...could we really expect any less?

I mean thats life..nothing is fair

 

[buttercup]

As in all things to do with other people's relationships, apply the magic formula -- STAY OUT OF IT.

 

[Tarkus]

Kind of funny though.....this is an escort review board and probably 75 percent of the guys on here are married and see call girls on the side.

So, it's kind of a pot / kettle thing.

I don't think that guys who have sex outside their marriage (as so many men do) should be passing judgement on anyone else who does the same thing.

It's the old double standard - men fucking around on their wives - well, c'est la vie. Women fucking around on their husbands - Sirens and alarm bells flashing.

There is some truth in this except that as a rule there isn't an emotional commitment made with an SP as one does with a lover. I have talked about the hobby with a number of women and oddly enough there was a fairly high percentage who said they would be far more able to forgive their husband for seeing an SP than having an affair. Their reasons were varied but usually focused around the emotional cheating more so than the physical.

At the same time I think there is also a false stereotype where we think most men cheat, (and they do, something like 70% in North America), and most women do not, (and last study I heard on CFRB suggested that now over half of women, 60%, will cheat). Personally I just don't think we are a particularly monogamous species but that is a different discussion.

However I think the killer here is that she is screwing around on the guy before they are even married. Strikes me as that alone suggests this marriage is not going anywhere good from the get go.

 

[dcbogey]

Part of the rules of fight club - You don't cut someone else's grass. And if someone is trying to cut a friend's grass - you tell them.
If he is in your "inner circle" he deserves to know NOW, not later.

 

[red]

wait until the part in the ceremony where they say "if anyone has anything to say, let them say it now, or forever hold there peace"



seriously though - you have no proof other than you can say the date and the hotel. if she denies it - who will he believe?

 

[Tarkus]

wait until the part in the ceremony where they say "if anyone has anything to say, let them say it now, or forever hold there peace"

seriously though - you have no proof other than you can say the date and the hotel. if she denies it - who will he believe?

Yeah but at least 18 months down the road when they're packing up his stuff in old LCBO booze cartons he can say, "I told you so!"

 

[dcbogey]

It's hard to go wrong doing the right thing.

Ask yourself if YOU would like know know if you were in his position.

Sure, you could be a wuss and not say anything and prolong what you consider as a friendship. But real friends tell their friends the truth and don't withold relevant information that could affect their friend's entire life for the sake of avoiding a potential conflict.

Pretty simple what to say. Call the guy up and simply tell him that when you were in Calgary last week that you saw his fiancee making out with a guy in the hotel bar and then leave and go up the elevator together.

Tell him that is all you know and that you don't think she saw you but you felt that if it was you, you'd want to know. Sorry if I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong but I felt you deserved to know in case you didn't already so you coudl make your won decision. Tell him that although you know that it might be more expedient to stay out of it, YOU'D appreciate knowing so that's why you told him. Tell him that you don't want to get involved in his decision or anythign, just passing on what you saw without editorial comment or advice.

If he gets pissed with you, then fuck him, he deserves her and the long term implications (including single parenthood, alimony and child support etc) and doesn't deserve you as a friend. If he appreciates it you've got a clear concience and a true friendship.

Amen, brother

 

[The Bandit]

Maybe he was her boss......, looking for a promotion.