40's NO KIDS

[jrich54338]

I was curious....looking for some outside guidance and I really like the members of this forum.

I have been talking to this girl for close to 2 years now and in 3 weeks we actually plan on meeting. She is 5 hours away from me and 8 years older.

I will admit I have ALWAYS wanted kids but I'm thinking it's just not in the cards....

We really get along but I do know the only way to really know is to spend actual time together.

Do you guys think I am wasting my time with her and might eventually resent her because of the kid situation or will this feeling leave if I fall in love with her?

She has 3 kids of her own. I appreciate any help.

Thanks

 

[optimusprime69]

I was curious....looking for some outside guidance and I really like the members of this forum.

I have been talking to this girl for close to 2 years now and in 3 weeks we actually plan on meeting. She is 5 hours away from me and 8 years older.

I will admit I have ALWAYS wanted kids but I'm thinking it's just not in the cards....

We really get along but I do know the only way to really know is to spend actual time together.

Do you guys think I am wasting my time with her and might eventually resent her because of the kid situation or will this feeling leave if I fall in love with her?

She has 3 kids of her own. I appreciate any help.

Thanks

This may be a controversial position to take but in all honesty being a parent isn't the rewarding job most people assume it will be. It's a thankless job and is an exhausting, lifelong commitment.

 

[xmontrealer]

Sexually she'll probably be all over ya often at the start. You'll probably think you're in love and most times they know what they are doing. Since you don't have kids and she does it's a lot of work. With lots of ups and downs and all 3 kids have different personalities. How you handle the kids down the road will matter. It usually boils down to being patient and communicating effectively, but that's not to say parents slip up and lose their cool since we aren't perfect. However, if ya do say stuff to them because it can happen it will matter on what she feels about it which you gotta be careful about.

I'm in my 40s with 2 kids and I know when I've done play dates and it's 3 or more kids it can get rowdy at times. You're probably use to a quieter environment so that will take getting use to. Kids also will swear and stuff. They will throw tantrum at times but it also depends on how she parents them and if you get a chance to also. Think with your big head if you guys see each other often and if you think it's right for you. I don't put up with anyone slamming anything at my house and my kids only have done that once and I just said in a stern voice to stop and that worked. The few times they had friends over who slammed doors or wouldn't let so and so into the bedroom and the door became an issue I walked in and put a stop to it because I didn't want anyone to jam a finger in the door.

If I take my kids to someone's home and they get into that stuff I nip that shit in the butt really fast. If she's the type who shrugs it off or perhaps gets mad you verbally told them to stop even in a nice way then that's a parenting issue. Good luck.

In my experience, only having dated women with kids a couple of times, don't even try to correct their bad behavior directly.

Discuss the issue with their mother and have her deal with it, assuming she is willing to agree with you on the issue.

The mother will usually likely take their side no matter how wrong their kids were, and you will be in the doghouse if you get directly involved with the children regarding their unacceptable (in your opinion) behavior...

 

[RZG]

The odds that her kids have their shit together is zero. You will never finish ahead of her or them. Even one of them screwed up is a relentless stream of chaos and financial disaster. And a 5 hour drive...nope. I`d walk out in thirty seconds flat. Think it over.

 

[Sonic Temple]

 

[jrich54338]

Do a weekend getaway to test the waters and you'll have your answer quick. Anything sexual won't be done unless the kids aren't around probably or if you guys are super quiet. And if you're gonna wait till the evening one of you might not be into it as much if you're tired out. And yeah even if you talk to her about one of the kids doing or saying something privately she might not care and get mad at you about it. You'd have to see if how she parents the kids is something you're okay with. Kids also are messy and stuff. If you have a vehicle hopefully you don't mind it being dirty with mud and stuff unless you're some OCD clean freak. Kids also get sick often due to school so that gets passed to adults usually.

If you move in together after a month or two at most the honeymoon stage is over and you'll get a better picture of what you're dealing with. She probably will suck your dick really good the first two months then slow down or not wanna as much it all depends. People also get bored so going out with her and the kids will happen. Just talking to people online for years is great and all and people come off nice and what not but in person is when you see how they truly especially how people handle stress.

You killed me about the sucking all her kids are moved out of the house and in the Army or Marines

 

[Candymancan]

Reminds me of the joke comparing a relationship and your job after 10 years. The job still sucks.

 

[bazokajoe]

You killed me about the sucking all her kids are moved out of the house and in the Army or Marines

If all the kids are adults and on their own I don't see the problem.
It will be hard to decide until you spend time around the kids. They may like you or hate you.
But what about her ex? Do they still get along, or is he a problem for her?

 

[xix]

You killed me about the sucking all her kids are moved out of the house and in the Army or Marines

It doesn't matter the kids could always comeback even at 50 with their own children because they lost everything.

You could never say anything to the kid even if you are right by sources and references.
Women say tell my kids the correct way = translation= don't you dare correct my kids that is my job /work which I will not do because I want them to suffer like me and other women and it is in my Spiritual DNA.

RFM = Run for the Mountains. Don't look back.

This has been covered before.

 

[superman2006]

Not a smart move my man, there will a lot of baggages you will have to carry for her. Managing a relationship is already hard enough, let alone dating a woman with three kids.

 

[RZG]

You killed me about the sucking all her kids are moved out of the house and in the Army or Marines

Is she living in the States - Marines? I dunno man...

 

[Liam011]

Everybody is focusing on her. I think it's a bad idea based on what YOU said. YOU want kids. She doesn't have kids. She has adults. You will never get to "father" them. And she sounds like she's to old to have more.

Think of it that way. You will never get to have one of the (irreplacable) things you want in life if you go with this chick.

Food for thought.

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

If you want to have kids biological or adopted then you need to find someone 45 and under. There are women who have been able to have kids in their 40s either by Ivf or luck but it’s very risky to her and her child. You could also do surrogate with this woman you like if she’s willing.
if you’re in your 40s I would say the very youngest woman you should date is 29 Women are most fertile until 35 then they are considered to be high risk fertility.

 

[wiskey bravo]

No. Stay away. I would predict your life will come with problems dealing with three kids that are not yours. If you have kids it's better to date someone with kids most of the time. But 3 to 0.....the odds are against you. As you get older you will want to simplifying your life. Buy a tank of fish and date someone without baggage. If she had one child maybe I would be more positive. But three? You're positioning yourself for a complicated relationship. Best of luck.

 

[Knuckle Ball]

The fact that it has taken you guys 2 years to meet in person leads me to think that you both seem apprehensive about the idea of dating in the first place.

Otherwise, I’m not sure what has led you to believe that having kids is not in the cards for you. I think it really comes down to how important it is for you to have children of your own. The way you describe it, you sound as though you feel like you are settling for this woman because no other woman will have you? If that’s the case I think the chances of things working out for you guys is not very good.

 

[dvous11]

You’ve been talking for so long just go bang and bail and see how you feel.
In general I agree with most advice already mentioned.
It’s far from an ideal scenario for you.
Don’t settle bro.

 

[Cbr20152012]

Firstly - why don’t you actually meet her first and then reach out on a terb forum.

secondly - marines???, elbows up dude…you owe us 25 percent tariff if you pursue this…

 

[Mrboobs]

I was curious....looking for some outside guidance and I really like the members of this forum.

I have been talking to this girl for close to 2 years now and in 3 weeks we actually plan on meeting. She is 5 hours away from me and 8 years older.

I will admit I have ALWAYS wanted kids but I'm thinking it's just not in the cards....

We really get along but I do know the only way to really know is to spend actual time together.

Do you guys think I am wasting my time with her and might eventually resent her because of the kid situation or will this feeling leave if I fall in love with her?

She has 3 kids of her own. I appreciate any help.
Stay away.


Thanks

 

[angrymime666]

I was curious....looking for some outside guidance and I really like the members of this forum.

I have been talking to this girl for close to 2 years now and in 3 weeks we actually plan on meeting. She is 5 hours away from me and 8 years older.

I will admit I have ALWAYS wanted kids but I'm thinking it's just not in the cards....

We really get along but I do know the only way to really know is to spend actual time together.

Do you guys think I am wasting my time with her and might eventually resent her because of the kid situation or will this feeling leave if I fall in love with her?

She has 3 kids of her own. I appreciate any help.

Thanks

What do you want your life to look like?

You can shape your life towards what you want, but keep in mind it will never exactly be how you Invision it. Dreams are just that, dreams.

I have a different outlook on things. Like you I am also without kids, but it's never been a driving force in shaping my life. I'm 52 and have lived my life the way I wanted and will continue to do so. Kids probably in the past 10 years has become more interesting to me. The idea of a son to mold into a man and have a different and new relationship that I have never had fascinates me and also frightens me.

Luckily as a man my timeline to have children is still possible as I am open to having children overseas and maybe a woman who will either a) enter into a relationship with me and have a child with me b) renting a womb.

Regardless I still have time left and I'm really in no rush as it's not personally a pressing matter but just a notion that I continue to contemplate the pros and cons.

One thing of concern from your post is that you are considering is fathering a family with an a woman 8 years your senior and with 3 kids. Unless this is your dream I wouldn't suggest doing it.

1) there will be a financial burden on you. If the relationship goes south you can be on the hook for child support even though they are not genetically yours. I sought out a family lawyer and paid his hourly to discuss the ramifications of marriage and children. You need to understand the rules before you play the game.

2) since she is older and has three kids it will never be about you and you will always be last. Let that sink in. Would you like to be last in a relationship?

3) you will never be the father but will carry the burden of responsibility for something that is not yours. You will not be treated like a father and not be able to parent as you see fit.

4) you will take on their life and mold yours to theirs. It will be about her life and her kids, not your life.

There are many other reasons why I would not go this route. It limits the vision I have to create. I would be creating a life that would not longer be my life and I would loose the ability to shape it as I see fit.

I would suggest watching content regarding relationships with single mother. Lots of perspectives out there, some good and some bad. However, you can learn from the life experiences of other men.

This is a huge crossroads you have come to. It's not something I would take lightly. Contemplate this decision as it will forever change your life. Take your time. As a man in his 40s you still have the ability to have children in the later stages of life unlike women.

 

[jrich54338]

I want to thank EVERYONE I am going to tell her it's not going to work out.