Trouble with dating in the city? Am I an “Incel”

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nightslasher86

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Aug 6, 2022
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Anyone else have issues with finding a partner to date or even get to know? It feels like there’s no place to meet the opposite sex without trying to look desperate. I have been out of school for at least over a decade.

Ever since I encountered on the “real world” I kinda of lost my desire to partake in dating, however meeting SP and having to pay for play gets depressing.

I kinda of want a girl of my own.

Does anyone else feel the same? As a young adult with average looks and height it seems like I’m more at a disadvantage in the city. Don’t want to sound like an Incel so I will stop here and ask for your guys take?
 
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nightslasher86

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Aug 6, 2022
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greensquare said:
I never really have issues with dating apps and I'm average and under 6 feet tall.

Are your online pics friendly?
Click to expand...
what dating apps are u using? I always struggled with any dating apps, either not matching with anyone or matching up with a fake account.

I remember going on a date with a girl I found on tinder who I later found on listcrawler during COVID lol

and no I usually don’t like taking or asking people to take pictures of me, and I wouldn’t say any of my photos are “friendly “ usually just selfies
 
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Asdeep

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Aug 20, 2026
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Hey man, a lot of time, it’s being at the right place at the right time. So don’t give up on trying.

Regarding meeting girls, personality trumps all. Height, looks, and money can all help. But if you make her laugh long enough, the laughters become moans.

Back when I used apps, I averaged a date pretty much every other week. I never paid for any of the subscriptions. For context, I’m 165cm and looks average on a good day lol.

Wait you’ve been out of school for 10+ years, but you’re also a young adult? So you dropped out in middle school? Not judging. Just curious.
 
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Numerati

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Feb 15, 2021
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"How do I find a girlfriend?" This question I asked when I was in my 20s to the guys in the know.

The replies? Goes something like this.

"You don't. You hit the gym, generate wealth, build connections, and live your best life. She finds you in due time. In between with those urges you go and bang the pricey hookers but don't make it a fucking habit."

You are going to have to spend money. If you have the funds join a high quality gym for one. You will meet high quality people there. Best time is taking that 9am/10am class on a Saturday/Sunday morning. Luckily Equinox has gym branches in Toronto. A new one King West just opened.
 
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Asdeep

New member
Aug 20, 2026
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Numerati said:
If you have the funds join a high quality gym for one. You will meet high quality people there. Best time is taking that 9am/10am class on a Saturday/Sunday morning. Luckily Equinox has gym branches in Toronto. A new one King West just opened.
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YOOOOOO this is actually gold advice. There’s sooooooooo many 10/10s that go to the gym to find guys.

I lost my FWB to some of these. She gave out so many unprotected freebies to these gym guys that I decided to give this a try. SP felt safer.
 
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greensquare

greensquare

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You should try and take pics outside like in the backyard, walking trail or at a park. Take 1 or 2 pics smiling. Pics with pets too. Hopefully you're not using "nightslasher" as your username on these apps.

Or if you're not really an outdoor person or extrovert take some next to posters at the cinema or at a restaurant.

If you wanna meet folks with a similar mindset to you then maybe attend things like concerts or such that interest you. You'd just have to take rejection and move forward.

Being friendly and approachable is nice. Having a good friend around can help with that too.
 
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zero gravity

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Sep 19, 2026
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Keep trying but fix the pics and get in the gym. Paying for it won’t get you a girlfriend. Most guys in your spot do the same.
 
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Ponderling

Lotsa things to think about
Jul 19, 2021
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Mississauga
Do in real life things you enjoy
Meet folks along the way. Organically you grow your people you know crowd.
Even if 'the one' does not immendiately pop up, you can have a good time.

I started my working career day job doing designs for power and roadway lighting of new land developments.
Lots of high pressure A type personalites for client contacts.
So often home from work with some headache or other.

After dinner, or straight after work, I would head out to volunteer at varied community theatre productions.
Usually backstage setup for sound, lights, help with sets, props, move in, etc.

I met a diverse crowd of folks who also want to do something other than veg after work.
Made a bunch of friends.
The work stress headaches faded with other things than work on my mind.

And after a few years, one of those friends became my, now going on 30 years, life partner.
 
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Eli_H2da

Active member
Jul 3, 2026
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nightslasher86 said:
Anyone else have issues with finding a partner to date or even get to know? It feels like there’s no place to meet the opposite sex without trying to look desperate. I have been out of school for at least over a decade.

Ever since I encountered on the “real world” I kinda of lost my desire to partake in dating, however meeting SP and having to pay for play gets depressing.

I kinda of want a girl of my own.

Does anyone else feel the same? As a young adult with average looks and height it seems like I’m more at a disadvantage in the city. Don’t want to sound like an Incel so I will stop here and ask for your guys take?
Click to expand...
Besides your online name, (might want to change that) here is a list for you to check off to see if you an Incel.
  1. Extreme Gender Essentialism and Misogyny: Frequent use of hostile generalizations about women, blaming women entirely for personal romantic rejection.
  2. Jargon and Internet Slang: do you use words like blackpill, redpill, beta, simps, cuck, or looksmaxxing
  3. Obsession with Hierarchies ("Blackpill" Ideology): Do you have deterministic, hopeless worldview that divides men and women into rigid status categories?
  4. Deep Victimhood Combined with Hostility: Do you express persistent self-loathing paired with intense anger, resentment, or a desire for retribution against society, couples, or attractive men/women?
  5. Forum Activity: Participate in niche message boards, subreddits, or imageboards dedicated to chronicling rejection, complaining about physical appearance, or amplifying defeatist and extremist rhetoric.

    If you check these boxes like some other in here (Number 5 is a given) then yes you are an Incel and should go talk to someone professional

My dating advice is simple: be patient, kind, and respectful. You rarely go wrong with any of those.

If you have a niche hobby or interest in a subculture that genuinely appeals to you, pursue it. Go to the goth or darkwave concert. Take a pottery class. Join a hiking group. And don't be afraid to go by yourself.

In my experience, women are often drawn to men who are comfortable in their own skin and confident enough to do things on their own.
Being genuinely interested in your own life is far more attractive than trying to shape yourself around someone else's.


Get out there see people and the world, its not a bad place, nothing to be scare off.
 
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xix

Time Zone Traveller
Jul 27, 2002
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La la land
1792073346892.png

I recommend you use the search bar here, see above picture, make sure you click or check mark "Search titles only"

There have been plenty of recommendations here in the past 12 months by both sides. Read some post from certain people. You will know who.

As for the picture taking, get a friend to help you out or ask him to do it for you. Never use family. Make sure he listen and have 3 - 5 angles /scenery. Yourself full body, and you hobby and who you are.

But one I thing I notice and I hate to say it, very few people want to get married, even for the correct/right reasons. Yes it all comes down to ........
 
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The Options Menu

The Options Menu

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Sep 13, 2005
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Go out and do things, with mixed groups of people, that you enjoy, or are curious about. Join a club. Volunteer. Learn how to canoe, or dance. Check out some event sites. Whatever. Don't do those things to expressly meet women, but go, be friendly, be open, and learn how to say 'yes' (to that coffee / drink / meal / hangout). For most people, after they get in a groove, friendships, relationships, and sex will naturally flow from that. As an adult you do need to be proactive about that, assuming you don't want to try your hand at dating apps, or you don't have friends and family trying to fix you up.

Or you can sit around on the internet with dudes talking about Chad, and variations of, "Women are money grubbing bitches."

At the moment I'm happy enough seeing escorts, but I'd like to think I'm open to a good think that comes way. Though I'm not actively looking.
 
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xix

Time Zone Traveller
Jul 27, 2002
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La la land
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xix

Time Zone Traveller
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La la land
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Darts.

Member
May 16, 2024
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Asdeep said:
YOOOOOO this is actually gold advice. There’s sooooooooo many 10/10s that go to the gym to find guys.

I lost my FWB to some of these. She gave out so many unprotected freebies to these gym guys that I decided to give this a try. SP felt safer.
Click to expand...
Sounds like she was everyone's FWB.
 
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BloweyJoey

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Apr 28, 2016
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Im late 30s now. Ive just decided it's not meant to be. The options are terrible out there unless you're wealthy, not just an above average paying job.

I have had girlfriends in the past so I dont feel like I missed out, and it's easy for me to just say i want to be alone because I know it can get worse than being alone.

My suggestion is to try out the sugar baby sites. It cuts out the difficulty in getting a match and date. Turn that into something thats not as transactional, so you can still see what a relationship will be like, might require a few tries.
 
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mydarkvanessa

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Aug 22, 2026
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The right person will not care about your appearance or bank account!

Good advice has been offered on this thread. You need to go out and meet people! Join a workout class, volunteer with an organization, go to local events.

Sometimes you have to look good to feel good. Get a haircut, buy a new outfit, eat healthy, etc. It will help improve your confidence.

You are not alone. We are the loneliest generation.

Message me if you ever need advice or someone to talk to. 🙂 And please avoid online incel communities. They are extremely toxic and prey on vulnerable men.
 
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jeff2

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Sep 11, 2004
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BloweyJoey said:
Im late 30s now. Ive just decided it's not meant to be. The options are terrible out there unless you're wealthy, not just an above average paying job.

I have had girlfriends in the past so I dont feel like I missed out, and it's easy for me to just say i want to be alone because I know it can get worse than being alone.

My suggestion is to try out the sugar baby sites. It cuts out the difficulty in getting a match and date. Turn that into something thats not as transactional, so you can still see what a relationship will be like, might require a few tries.
Click to expand...
The calculus is atrocious. You could try arbitrage(going overseas) but that could get very tricky. So being alone could be the best option.
 
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