Yikes!! If you don’t mind me asking, did you have a pre-nup /cohabitation agreement or other legal document drawn up beforehand? You needn’t answer if you feel that’s too personal.
Luckily I’ve been able to avoid that through simple dating. That’s where I’ve always drawn the line.. not living with them, not marrying them. I’ve seen the dumpster fires too many times. A friend of mine got cleaned out by his now ex wife only a few years after they tied the knot, and that’s just one instance.
I simply don’t trust the institution of marriage, or subscribe to the notion that monogamy is normative. For anyone of substantial means, I suggest that casual dating is the way to go.
In Ontario, a divorce is a pretty straight-forward financial calculation. The value of what each partner has prior to the marriage remains theirs. What is "grown or acquired" during the marriage is split evenly. Child and spousal support are literally plucked from a spread sheet, although allowances are made for special things. (All based on my experience about 18 years ago. But I'm not a lawyer so don't assume that this is the current law).
In my case, I had a decent job as did she prior to the marriage, although I probably earned twice what she did. She got pregnant a year and a bit into marriage and we decided that she'd not return to work, so she was a stay at home mom from then on as we had three kids. About two years into the marriage, I began a business with a partner.
After 19.5 years of marriage, she left me a note out of the blue saying she wanted a divorce. She would not agree to counselling etc, and it took me about 12 seconds to figure out she'd been having an affair for 18 months, with an old university boyfriend. By then, one kid was in university, one in grade 12, one in grade 10. As soon as the second one went off to school, the youngest chose to live with me, and my almost-ex moved to Belleville with her new man, and basically retired from mothering too,
So anyway, come separation, she got the house (which she sold for way more than it was appraised for, largely due to renovations I did or paid for), a hunk of my pension money and a pile of cash because she was owed half of my half of the value of my business. I paid for University, but there was no child support since the only kid at home was living with me. I paid her support, but she never really went back to any sort of real job, citing the "fact" that I "made" her stay home and 18 years later, she had no marketable skills. After 5 years (from separation date) our agreement expired. She wanted it renewed so I'd continue to pay support. I told he to go fuck herself and that I'd bankrupt my business and go on welfare before I'd pay her another penny. (She'd married her guy by then and was a stay-at-home something I guess)
Regarding your comments about marriage, I'm sure you're aware that living common-law really isn't much different than being married after a short period (2 or 3 years I think), so unless you're resigned to a life of short-term relationships, you're buggered either way.
Having said all this, I still think of those payments as the best money I ever spent. I "thought" I was happily married but I wasn't really... I try not to think that if I'd just "accidentally" backed over her in the driveway, I'd still be happier AND have all my money! Hindsight... sigh. ;-)
EDIT: Almost 20 years later, her husband is sick af, requires huge amounts of in-home care, and constant Doctor's appointments (He can't drive anymore). I on the other hand, married a woman 14 years my junior and we travelled expensively and did lots of awesome things. Sadly she passed away quite suddenly a few years ago now. (And no, I didn't back over her.)
Personally, I liked being married but it hasn't worked out too well for me, so pay-as-I play it is.
