For those of you who have experienced a breakup with a SO, when did you know your relationship was over? What were the signs or signals that made you realize it was truly “done”. I don’t mean legally as in the point of the divorce, but more emotionally and mentally that was headed down. Thanks.
When did you know your relationship was over?
- Thread starter Orangebook
- Start date
When she went to study abroad in Italy. That was when I knew a long distance relationship wasn’t going to work anymore and we drifted apart. Also, I was already struggling with insecurities and low self-esteem knowing she was too smart for me and I felt more helplessly dumb than (while I hate to reference the show) Penny dating Leonard on The Big Bang Theory.
A few different things depending on the relationship.
1) I was avoiding interaction because I was done.
2) Finding out future plans were made without me being involved
3) Her cheating
4) My ex telling me I desperately needed to get out of the relationship
1) I was avoiding interaction because I was done.
2) Finding out future plans were made without me being involved
3) Her cheating
4) My ex telling me I desperately needed to get out of the relationship
constantly saying she is busy when you try to make plans with her
unresponsive when calling her or texting her
using one word answers when talking to her
etc
unresponsive when calling her or texting her
using one word answers when talking to her
etc
Once there was no more interest from my ex with anything to do with sex. We had young children so I continued until they were in their 20's before starting the process
Came home one day after dinner took a shower went to bed, noticed a different smell of aftershave or cologne on the pillow. Well make it real short I found out to the other guy was, his work where he lived license plate of his car etc. etc. it was a couple of days before Christmas and I told the girl that I was living with to get the fuck out of my house and let someone so pay for the bills. You should’ve seen her jaw drop anyways the next day had a U-Haul over several of my friends came and helped move her stuff into the van 2 of which she does not know work for Peel regional police. Anyways about 3 months later I get a phone call from her saying so-and-so left and she want to get back together again big mistake. I told her I rather get a streetwalker no headaches and the best thing you can do is well I won’t mention it here but 2 days later I had a really a police come and pay me a visit. Here’s a clue 1 of us is still alive.
I'm starting to notice a pattern here.
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Nothing major just there was no spark there for either of us, we parted on friendly terms because we both realized there was nothing there and wouldn't be in the future.
When my partner started avoiding me, not answering my texts and putting off plans to hang out together, I could tell that his heart was already gone. It was only when I told him in no uncertain terms that his wishy-washy behavior was hurting me and I'd rather not see him anymore than put up with it that he panicked and tried to walk back his emotional neglect. By then though the relationship had been damaged enough that I couldn't be bothered putting in the effort that would have helped (and it was clear that it wouldn't occur to him to make any effort).
According to a lot of relationship therapists, once you start feeling contempt for your partner, there's really no coming back from that. Contempt is the thing that kills love once and for all.
According to a lot of relationship therapists, once you start feeling contempt for your partner, there's really no coming back from that. Contempt is the thing that kills love once and for all.
In my first marriage, in Montreal, back in 1979, after about a year or so I could see that it wasn't working out.
So I went to se a well-regarded lawyer, to investigate what was involved in getting a divorce.
I told my wife about that visit, and she said let's try harder to make it work, and she promised to do her best on her end.
I called the lawyer and told him that we were going to give it another shot.
He wished me the best, but said that, in his experience, once one of the couple has gone to see a lawyer, that person comes back sooner rather than later to see him.
That's what happened with me.
Unfortunately, since I had no provable grounds for divorce under the laws at that time, which basically had to be adultery or physical cruelty, and she didn't want a divorce, it took 5 years of separation (which was deemed "desertion" on my part, with mandatory financial support for her), before I could get a divorce.
I was a happy egg when it was finally granted!
So I went to se a well-regarded lawyer, to investigate what was involved in getting a divorce.
I told my wife about that visit, and she said let's try harder to make it work, and she promised to do her best on her end.
I called the lawyer and told him that we were going to give it another shot.
He wished me the best, but said that, in his experience, once one of the couple has gone to see a lawyer, that person comes back sooner rather than later to see him.
That's what happened with me.
Unfortunately, since I had no provable grounds for divorce under the laws at that time, which basically had to be adultery or physical cruelty, and she didn't want a divorce, it took 5 years of separation (which was deemed "desertion" on my part, with mandatory financial support for her), before I could get a divorce.
I was a happy egg when it was finally granted!
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For me it was after I had a major operation to remove a brain tumor, in 2019 and I got treated poorly at home when I tried to recover. I knew I didn't marry a nurse, but her lack of empathy, conpassion and care while I recovered from 74 staples in my head bothered me. When I did recover, I saw her in a completely new light, and 4 years later we were divorced. It took 2 years of celibacy to finally wear me down.
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What do you mean?
You can really tell someone's true colours when you're in a situation like that and sometimes it just sucks big time.
The wedding oath "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" is rarely honoured by today's females (and lots of guys too...)
When I realized I was the only one giving effort in the relationship and that unreciprocated effort was wearing me down to the point I was just not going to be bothered to make it anymore. So I withdrew my effort, while still making myself available, to see what would happen, and of course the relationship fell apart. The interesting part about this particular relationship is that she pursued it relentlessly at the outset. I was into her, so that worked out, but it's crazy how she gave so much effort at the beginning, and over time her effort went to nil. And yet she was surprised when I finally called it off. I don't think she realized how her interactions with me had so drastically changed.
When I saw him have tinder on his phone and was messaging other girls
Old folk song from Newfoundland:
I knewed our love was over when she flung me down the well.
I knewed our love was over when she flung me down the well.
