Is it possible for a provider to develop feelings for a client?
- Thread starter massage_toronto
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That's also my point. None of us are putting that pressure on the client. And there is a reason why these services are expensive.. Really often when I read posts on these boards, clients who are actually quite privileged and can totally afford to, once, spend 400$ on an encounter, victimize themselves. Meanwhile, most escorts are escorts because they come from poverty or have health issues and can't work, and we charge that amount because this job is.. DANGEROUS! And it's a LOT OF WORK. So much of the work that goes behind all of this stuff is invisible to clients, and it's really sad because we are really trying to satisfy you guys and give a good service, at least most of us. Within our boundaries.
I understand that it sucks to be isolated and not have access to sex & relationships, I really do.. But the truth is that the vast majority of people cannot afford to make this a ''hobby''
To @massage_toronto do you develop feelings for the homeless or street beggar when you give them money?
I have to give you another compliment. I can totally understand how your IQ is 145, as you express yourself very well, and everything you write is the truth.
While I share similar experiences where I’ve had long term relationships (measured in years) after the SP has exited the business, the circumstances vary a lot on how their lives progress. One I know has become a successful real estate investor and I helped her transition into a stable government role. Another transition into the banking world but struggle with long term relationship. After 4 years, we separated. They bring different baggages to the table. I consider myself lucky to have met them and they also opened my eyes to new ways.
None of that is what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about escorts who are good at their jobs, and overly-deluded clients start thinking it's more than it is. I'm talking about escorts who willingly feed into it, because they WANT the clients to believe it's more than it is, because it results in a greater return. In just my own personal experience, I've had countless times when escorts have expressed interest in hanging out off-the-clock because I'm "special". In most of those cases I've taken them up on that offer because I consider it a fair exchange, not because I actually believe what they're saying. In three of those cases, the ladies started referring to me as their boyfriend. Funnily enough, in one of those cases I think she actually DID want to develop our relationship into something substantial. Thing is, in all of those cases, except two, it evaporated as soon as I stopped seeing her on the clock.
And of course I see abusive clients as villains. Calling out one kind of villain doesn't mean all other villains are off the hook.
I think there are pitfalls both directions. Clients clearly get addicted to the idea of the women they're seeing in the industry, and can get really bent out of shape when the reality of that woman is different from their fantasy. Which is likely what happened with the client you dated. He was probably getting a real "high" from the fantasy you were providing, but then real-world dating didn't align with that schema he had concocted in his mind about who and what you were. The fallout from that can negatively affect the ladies on the other side of the equation.
For the record, most men know it's easy for women to find sex, and hard to find commitment. It's practically a stereotype now.
But those escorts who offer to hang out off the clock probably feel pressured to do so. You spend 15 minutes on a review board and you realize that a lot clients are resentful that they need to respect our time, calling us clock watchers etc. a lot of clients make fun of others for booking dinner dates and longer dates and brag about going out with escorts for free, which is extremely frustrating for us because we should be compensated for our time and this creates expectations.
I've felt pressured to offer extra time before. A lot of clients actually expect that if they book you regularly they are owed special perks, free time, services you don't offer anyone else, conversations outside of this. If a client is very generous to me, I might offer a bit of extra time.. I've had clients brag to me that they always got more than they should with escorts they booked regularly and that they were looking to develop that kind of "special relationship". It sends the message that I should be doing that too if I like him and want him to book me again.
I've heard escorts who work for agencies tell me they felt pressured to go out with clients for free if they wanted to keep them as regulars. New and inexperienced escorts may not know how to be secure enough in their boundaries to avoid hanging out with clients they get along with better, or to avoid getting pressured into this. We vibe with some clients more than others. If I started hanging out with every client I like off the clock I would have no time for myself because I actually like most of my clients at this point.. but when I first entered the industry I didn't feel this way and I didn't know how to brand myself to attract the right clients. So I understand 100% why a girl who mostly gets shitty clients would ask a client she gets along a bit better with, to hang out after bookings.
I don't really see how someone offering you extra time is trying to extract more money lol it's actually you who's getting freebies because this person wants you to come back. This is also a marketing tactic.. for some escorts, giving a little bit more is a way to ensure the client will feel special and come back. That is far from being the same as letting the client believe you are falling in love with him and alluding to being in a relationship.
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Hi again Luna, it's great to hear things from the SP's perspective.
As "painful" as it was, I had to cut out my reg (who i had been seeing for almost a decade prior to) for what I perceived as manipulation/disrespect. Found out through this board that she was offering service to newbies that I had requested from her for years. When confronted, she flipped it back on to me like I was the bad guy for asking, and made it seem like terbers were lying (despite reviews and PM conversations). The nail in the coffin was when she began booking others in my anointed time slot. What was once a beautiful working relationship had/has slowly turned into a battle of egos.
I say "painful" because over the years we had (what I thought, at least) developed a relationship where we knew not to overstep boundaries on and off the clock. When we met for sessions, conversations and banter always flowed naturally. Over the years, we disclosed more about our private life to each other, and I did believe that she respected me as a human and in turn I believed that I was the ideal client; I take pride in my hygiene and never hassled or made her uncomfortable in our time together. Her not giving me a legitimate reason and to double down on her excuses is what opened my eyes.
Now I'm not saying all providers are manipulative. Maybe I let her get to comfortable into thinking that i wouldn't venture out if service deteriorated (she knew, at that time, that I was not actively seeking out other providers), idk. What I do know is what I can/won't tolerate.
Maybe I'm just ranting and this has nothing to do with OP's question.
Bottom Line: this is just a job for them. They, like us, just want to do their job and go home. Never delude yourself into thinking that they actually care.
I say "painful" because over the years we had (what I thought, at least) developed a relationship where we knew not to overstep boundaries on and off the clock. When we met for sessions, conversations and banter always flowed naturally. Over the years, we disclosed more about our private life to each other, and I did believe that she respected me as a human and in turn I believed that I was the ideal client; I take pride in my hygiene and never hassled or made her uncomfortable in our time together. Her not giving me a legitimate reason and to double down on her excuses is what opened my eyes.
Now I'm not saying all providers are manipulative. Maybe I let her get to comfortable into thinking that i wouldn't venture out if service deteriorated (she knew, at that time, that I was not actively seeking out other providers), idk. What I do know is what I can/won't tolerate.
Maybe I'm just ranting and this has nothing to do with OP's question.
Bottom Line: this is just a job for them. They, like us, just want to do their job and go home. Never delude yourself into thinking that they actually care.
'offering service to newbies that I had requested from her for years.'
What service she was offering to you exclusively then to newbie?
Folks were getting dfk/bbbj as per reviews and PM convos, while I never did, despite my requests over the years
I don't really see how this is related to the subject... Just seems like you wanted to vent about a regular provider you saw who offered services to new clients that you had requested for. Are they paying more than you did?
Same rates, but I guess my mileage varied with her.
To tie it into this thread, yes it is possible for providers to develop feelings, but RARELY is the case. The providers' job is to make you feel special but that's as far as it goes. In my case, I felt special until I came on this board. Now I'm taking my ball and going to another court!
Shows a special level of loyalty for you to see her for close to a decade while tolerating such low mileage
If a client sees a provider too much, you have to be careful, as the SP will start taking you for granted. She knows you're a regular, and "aren't going anywhere,"
DFK/BBBJ is such a standard service and if someone didn't provide that, it would be an instant no for me.
You say loyalty, I say stupidity.
Lesson learned, never again.
Mind you she started off with dfk/bbbj when I first started seeing her. Then used COVID as an excuse to dial it back, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
The interpersonal dynamics are what they are and the combo of any 2 people is it's own unique thing. But to go back to the original question, the answer is yes - It does happen that providers can develop feelings. But on the other hand, as we've read these tales told in this thread, sometimes being kind and warm to a client gets misinterpreted. And sometimes it gets exploited. And sometimes the client will leverage things, which is a form of coercion, and coercion nullifies the idea that's its genuine. But the advice in my signature stands - take that advice as a client and enjoy the ride. There are few things on this earth as enjoyable as this with the right ladies.
And you saw her for a decade? Damn. She played you like a fiddle.
